Zero Experience

LegacyUser

Hey people, long time lurker here.

Long story short I'm in my early twenties but I've never had a relationship before, nor have I slept with anyone before. I suppose there are a number of reasons for this. I had a lack of confidence growing up, I would look at myself and compare myself to my friends and say "Why would anyone want me?" It didn't help that my friends used to ridicule me and ever si slightly bully me. But in a bizarre way that endeared me even more to the group because I was able to take the slagging and they respected that. Whereas others who got a slagging would throw tantrums and cause major issues when drunk. All the same, it dented my confidence immensely.

I've been able to work on my confidence over the last few years though. The more women I got to know the more they made me realise that I was pretty damn good guy. So with this confidence I've been on a good few dates over the past year. Some went well, others not so much. The problem I think is over my lack of experience, I just feel so overwhelmed and embarassed when women mention their exes to me or past relationships to me. They then ask me about my own relationships, only for me to lamely change the subject.

Another issue is that I just don't know how to make a move on a woman. I'm terrified and just don't know how to do it. I mean for example, one of my dates went really well and we really got on, nothing happened. The next day I get a message off of a friend who was there asking me why I didn't make a move because my date clearly wanted me to. I asked him how he knew this and he just said, well for one she kept on trying sit basically on top of you but I kept moving away. I thought she just wanted more space on the seat. :P Then when we were standing together later on in the night my mate said she was rubbing right up next to me and clearly wanted me to put my arm around her. Again, I totally didn't see this myself. :huh:

So you see, I'm absolutely clueless and it's incredibly embarassing. I just don't know how to join "the chase" when people have been at it for years, while I'm only new to it. Any advice would be much appreciated.

LegacyUser

There is no right or wrong answer here its something that will just come over time as you get to know someone. Do you have any close female friends that could give you some pointers, ie like a practise date?

I think there are a lot of people in the same position as you who dont have a lot of past relationships and experience with the opposite sex.

The Lovely Muffin

I'm in a similar position OP.

I had four dates with one guy and I was totally honest with him about him being my first bf, the first guy I kissed etc.

He respected me more and he understood when I explained.

My advice to you - explain to your date and hopefully she will understand. I know as your male, it might be more difficult for you, but if she understands (which any reasonable person would), she will respect you more.

Again, similar to yourself, I have no confidence, self-esteem, I have no friends, I am very shy and due to my lack of confidence I can't make friends. I didn't tell this to my bf though.

When it came to kissing him etc, to be honest, I just did what I thought I was supposed to do, and it went fine.

But most of all OP, just be yourself. Don't try to be someone or something your not as it won't work and would probably put the person (date) off.

Good luck.

Hope this helps.