ending a friendship

LegacyUser

I posted a thread here a few months ago about some problems I was having with a friend with whom I felt completely taken for granted, used, manipulated etc. The responses were great, most people told me to end the friendship, that she was manipulating me etc. Basically everyone reinforced all the things i was telling myself to do. It was a great source of comfort to get totally objective viewpoints and it made me feel better about the situation.

I didn't rock the boat with this friend at the time of writing the thread (around end of March) and I tried to give my friend the benefit of the doubt for one last time. However I finally told her how I was feeling (unfortunately it came out while we were all drinking) but at least I made a start on expressing my thoughts. However, in the situation I started to apologise and explain my behaviour while she didnt acknowledge her part in any of it.

I just reverted into being the 'perpetrator' to her 'victim'. She doesnt even see how her behaviour has impacted on most of her other friends, most of which are completely done with her and willing to just cut her out of their lives.

She has since told a mutual friend that she wants to speak to me alone and discuss things. I instantly feel like i am being singled out to be manipulated into getting her into everyones good books again. She relies on me more than I do her now. I sought the friendship out previously because my self esteem and my self worth were so low and I needed a friendship where I was in the shadow. She in turn had just lost a friend that she exerted much control over so the friendship kind of suited us both. I have since been the only one who has put up with her antics over the past few years.

I am done with it now though. I have realised that this is my one toxic friendship and that i dont need or want it anymore. I can be an acquaintance to her, like she treats all the others from our gang, but I cant be what I used to be to her. I cant feel used or put down anymore. I just dont want it anymore. I am going to tell her this.

My problem is, how do I cope with the feelings of guilt and being a bad person? my last thread was entitled Am I the Bad Person Here and the responses told me I wasnt, but how do i overcome the feelings that I am?

She would only gain from our friendship returning to how it was whereas I would lose out on a lot. I am not used to putting myself first and I have never had to end a relationship (platonic or otherwise) like this before.

I have cut people out of my life in the past, something which I regret doing and its something I dont want to do ever again. Just last week I sent an apology via email to one of these girls (only way i could contact her) and explained my behaviour and apologised to her. I dont want to take the cowards way out again but I am struggling to cope with my feelings on this.

mssin80

sometimes friendships run their course,u shouldnt feel bad.Life is hard enough without people who only use u for their own personal gain,trying to make themselves feel better by putting u down and making u feel bad.

When i got engaged,my "best friend" couldnt have cared less about it and I havent heard from her in about 2 months,just one of the many things she did during our friendship.
like i said,life is hard enough without people like them!!:mad:

adagio

You over come the feelings by acknowledging a simple truth: You should only surround yourself w/positive people and you have no obligation to anyone who makes you feel down,uncomfortable,irritated..etc!!
'Friends' is an overused/abused word - a friend should enhance your life, challenge you because they care and make you feel you can achieve anything.
Be true to yourself and soon the feeling of guilt will fade.
Life is too short to waste on negative people.:D
Regarding how to handle it - you can either phase her out without telling her what you think of her or you can meet her and spill the beans.
But if you're gonna meet her be 100% prepared to end the friendship because there may be tears = manipulation.
Good luck and feck worrying - look outside - the sun is shining = get your ass out there. :pac:

JimmyCrackCorn

I have one friend im doing this with now.

Just this weekend was the first time i saw him in 6 months and he managed to burn bridge, bridgehead very fast and kept going to the point i nearly lost it.

Some friends are not real friends. If there only out for themselves forget about them they are not worth it and they will just drag you down. A real friend is there for you when you need them, respects you and its a give and take relationship.

I can count my real friends on one hand.