Finding a girlfriend

LegacyUser

Well..firstly i'm 20.. I've tried so many things; the internet,clubs, pubs.. i don't really have many friends that are girls of my age.. so many of them think guys just want one thing but I'm not like this.. I'd do anything for her but.. I've never had one before and its killing me really.. I have been told im attractive by many and even some girls a little older told me any girl would be happy with me but where are they.. help!

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I'm 29 and female, and I remember feeling exactly the same as you feel now when I was your age. I had never had any kind of relationship, and felt like I was the only person in the world in that situation, believe me, you are not! the old cliche's you'll meet them when you least expect it.. or when your not looking.. are repeated so much because they are true.

The only advise I would give you is to just try relax, if your goal is to make new friends, meet new people, as opposed to 'must find a GF', its an added bonus if you happen to meet someone you like. It would also remove any pressure your feeling now. Good luck OP.

HavingCrack

anyadviceswelcomd wrote: »

Well..firstly i'm 20.. I've tried so many things; the internet,clubs, pubs.. i don't really have many friends that are girls of my age.. so many of them think guys just want one thing but I'm not like this.. I'd do anything for her but.. I've never had one before and its killing me really.. I have been told im attractive by many and even some girls a little older told me any girl would be happy with me but where are they.. help!

Well I've never had a girlfriend for longer than a few weeks so I probably amn't the best source for advice on keeping a relationship going but as for meeting girls I can see three problems in your post right away.

Firstly you say 'I'd do anything for her'-this is always a very bad attitude to have. Women are just humans like men-they are no less or no more deserving of your time than anyone else. The type of attitude you're displaying is putting women on a pedestal to an extent. If you chat to her as you would to any of your friends or families (eg don't agree with everything or let yourself become wrapped around her finger you'll do much better :P

Secondly being told you're attractive isn't all its cracked up to be I'm afraid. Women place far more emphasis on confidence, grooming, humour etc than looks when looking for guys (theres been a good bit of scientific research into this but I'm not too bothered going to find it-have a google if you're interested :pac:). Therefore you could look like Brad Pitt but if you have the intelligence of a goldfish and no confidence women will swiftly lose interest. Try being more outgoing and chatty and you'll find women far mroe receptive to you!

Thirdly since you're only 20 I'd be wary of older women saying you're a great guy. Typically ( not always-obviously theres always exceptions) older women 30 +for example are looking for very different qualities in men to those in their late teens and twenties. Older women look for more settled men with steady jobs etc as a rule as this is a sign of maturity etc. etc. However younger women aren't interested in long term relationships as much and often look for the 'bad boy' etc. Basically I'd be cautious about taking older womens advice when it comes to dating in your case.

Lastly the one thing I've found in my life is that meeting women (or men for female boardsies!) is a numbers game. If you approach one woman a week and she rejects you your chances of finding a girlfriend are obviously far lower than chatting to 5, 10 or 20 girls! The more girls you chat to the better your odds.

PS-Just try to approach women without a relationship in mind-just try to appraoch them as a person you're interested in having a conversation with and if something clicks something clicks But beware of becoming too much of a 'friend' or she won't see your as potential boyfriend material.

Hope nobody is offended by my post by the way!

Bottle_of_Smoke

anyadviceswelcomd wrote: »

so many of them think guys just want one thing but I'm not like this.. I'd do anything for her but.. I've never had one before and its killing me really.. I have been told im attractive by many and even some girls a little older told me any girl would be happy with me but where are they.. help!

Doing major reading between the lines here but f*ck it . . .

You're probably too nice to girls and they end up treating you like a younger brother. Girls might complain guys are only after one thing but hey a lot of them end up sleeping with the very same guys who are after one thing.

You need to act like a boyfriend, not a shoulder to cry on. You need to be yourself rather than some lovely lad.

Being told any girl would be happy with you by an older girl can usually be translated as "If you were going out with my sister she'd be able to boss you around"

PK2008

Be patient OP, your time will come

LC2010HIS

anyadviceswelcomd wrote: »

Well..firstly i'm 20.. I've tried so many things; the internet,clubs, pubs.. i don't really have many friends that are girls of my age.. so many of them think guys just want one thing but I'm not like this..

where are they.. help!

Hello?
Im 19, a girl, and guys wreck my head.
Im you, but female!! It sucks. Seriously, im standing in a club WAITING for a guy to strike up a convo. - NADA :rolleyes: and i try. Believe me I try. You are not alone.
Im sure you dont want one thing like other guys but the majority do. The guys in my peer group mess girls around and we just build a wall. Id be delighted with a guy like you and you clearly are one of the rumoured "good ones":D To avoid the whole "after one thing" become friendly with a girl first and build a foundation. . and be nice. No messing with us. And be honest - You'll get the same back. Thats all we're asking. Good luck.

Exclamation Marc

anyadviceswelcomd wrote: »

Well..firstly i'm 20.. I've tried so many things; the internet,clubs, pubs.. i don't really have many friends that are girls of my age.. so many of them think guys just want one thing but I'm not like this.. I'd do anything for her but.. I've never had one before and its killing me really.. I have been told im attractive by many and even some girls a little older told me any girl would be happy with me but where are they.. help!

The only advice I can give you is to relax in terms of "finding" someone. I've had one or two short patches in my life where I was desperate to just be with someone, anyone (after break ups etc). Once or twice when someone came along, I'd always settle for less than what I wanted purely because I was just thrilled that I found someone who was lovely who showed some interest. And its a crap old saying but its true that you never find someone when you're looking. But I relaxed after that, was comfortable in myself and my single situation and I've had two amazing gorgeous girlfriends since, because I chilled out and my tension went away.

You just have to be confident in the fact that if you're a good looking guy as you're told and if you scrub up well, and most importantly if your attitude is fixed in the right way and you're a nice guy(which it sounds like you are), someone will come along, you just have to have faith


And also take faith in the fact that pubs and clubs in Ireland are generally awful places to meet someone for something substantial, its a lousy situation out there, so its probably none of your doing that you're having no luck in pubs/clubs because unfortunately a lot of men tarnish the rest of us with their attitude and behaviour which automatically has a lot of girls on the defensive. Also, the internet, avoid it, for every girl on a dating site, there'll be at least 40 guys mailing her.