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overreacting

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  • 21-05-2010 3:00am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey I should start by saying this isn't a big problem.
    I was in a club with a few of the lads the other night. I was sitting down because I was having a drink. This guy from my school, who I hadn't seen in a few months comes up to me and tells me to move. I tell him to sit somewhere else so he starts smacking me in the face. I have really bad self esteem issues due to a problem that I have. When ever stuff like this happens, I always get overly upset. I don't know what to do because I always come out of situations like this feeling really depressed. I suppose what I'm asking is, does anyone have advice on how not to take this stuff so seriously?
    Thanks


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    #2
    Katgurl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,143 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    Having never been a schoolboy I'm probably not best person to respond but wouldn't ANYONE feel bad under those circumstances? Some bully fro
    your school arrives, tells you to move and then starts hitting you??? I'm sure that's a crushing blow to your ego.

    I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you on how to deal with it but I wouldn't be questioning your own reaction, if anything I think you are completely normal to feel upset.

    Hopefully some male posters will be able to offer some
    constructive advice.


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    #3
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    I dont think anyone wouldnt take being smacked in the face seriously, did you get one of the bouncers to chuck him? how old is that guy cos doing that kind of stuff in the real world outside the school heirarchy will get his ass kicked fairly swiftly.


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    #4
    Maguined
    Registered Users Posts: 8,247 ✭✭✭Maguined


    There is nothing you need to do or worry about. You only ever need to feel bad about mistakes or bad actions behaviour from yourself, this is when you need to analyse yourself when you do something wrong and try to correct your behaviour going forward.

    In your case you did absolutely nothing wrong so you shouldnt worry about it, you should naturally feel anger because that other guy was a jackass but I wouldnt feel down or depressed if i was you.

    You did nothing wrong, you have nothing to feel bad about so try to think like that and hopefully you will cheer up.


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    #5
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    I think the asshole from your school is the one who over-reacted.....definitely not you.


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    #6
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Suggest you contact the gardai and lodge a complaint of assault.
    Sounds like you have loads of witnesses.


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey. OP here. Thanks for the replies. I'd say he is about 20. The bouncer saw it and kicked him out. I wouldn't feel right about lodging a complaint with the gardai cause I went to school with him for about 10 years.


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    #8
    Hazys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,510 ✭✭✭Hazys


    o.p wrote: »
    Hey. OP here. Thanks for the replies. I'd say he is about 20. The bouncer saw it and kicked him out. I wouldn't feel right about lodging a complaint with the gardai cause I went to school with him for about 10 years.

    This is not a personal problem for you OP...

    Its a personal problem for your school mate, some people are just losers who suffer from extreme self esteem issues, so bad they take it out on other people, unfortunately you in this instance. He is more than likely threatened/jealous by you for whatever reason and wants to cut you down to size, its v sad.

    You were put in a very bad position, you stood up for yourself when a bully threathen you to move, which is v admirable (cos i guess you probably knew what the reaction was going to be), but unfortunately your man was such a scumbag he couldnt handle it and lashed out. Im guessing this guy was one of the cool guys in the year in school, but 2 years later hasnt accomplished much and is desperatly trying to hold onto his social status.

    Id seriously consider calling the gardai if this happens again, i know you may feel this is hard to do because he's probably friends of friends but you gotta look out for yourself first and if you some of you friends think its bad form or anything for calling the cops on your bad, ull have to ditch those "friends".

    Good luck OP, you were put in a v bad situation and you kept you dignity, absolutely no reason to feel down about it, its not your problem its his


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    #9
    catmelodian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 92 ✭✭catmelodian


    You need to man up. I realise that you may have self esteem issues, but Christ man, stand up for yourself!


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    #10
    tristanc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 330 ✭✭tristanc


    unregistered wrote: »
    When ever stuff like this happens, I always get overly upset. I don't know what to do because I always come out of situations like this feeling really depressed.

    Are you feeling depressed because you don't do anything about it, or because this sort of stuff keeps happening to you?

    Did you get angry at him at all? Not necessarily at the time (as you would prob be thinking WTF?) but after?


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    #11
    epgc3fyqirnbsx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,228 ✭✭✭epgc3fyqirnbsx


    catmelodian wrote: »
    You need to man up. I realise that you may have self esteem issues, but Christ man, stand up for yourself!

    He did stand up for himself, he told him to sit somewhere else, showed him that he wouldn't be intimidated by him.

    You did the right thing imo OP and its natural that your upset. These things can happen, especially coming up through school. Assuming you're also 20 now, this sort of thing stops. People grow up and cop on, I wouldn't be surprised if its the last smack you ever get.

    And as for this fella, he obviously has his own issues, in a few years time he'll might even feel terrible for ever hassling you.
    Ignore it and move on and take comfort in the fact that you're a better person and can rise above that type of nonsense


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    #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    O.P here, thanks for the replies.Yeah just am annoyed by how much I let these things get to me. It was just a really embaressing incident and it annoys me that he probably thinks it is hillarious. I didn't get angry with him. I really hate violence and I hate being angry with people because I have enough stuff to worry about these days.


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    #13
    dsmythy
    Registered Users Posts: 10,509 ✭✭✭✭dsmythy


    o.p wrote: »
    O.P here, thanks for the replies.Yeah just am annoyed by how much I let these things get to me. It was just a really embaressing incident and it annoys me that he probably thinks it is hillarious. I didn't get angry with him. I really hate violence and I hate being angry with people because I have enough stuff to worry about these days.

    Ah like everyone has said, he's the one with serious issues. Some people eat at themselves when they feel a certain way. This guy hits out at others as a reaction to his own issues. Fair dues to standing up to him. Like all bullies once the person they choose to pick on fights back the bully nearly always scarpers quick. Trust me, this guy will try this on another old classmate and find himself being pummeled in some club somewhere. Take your strength you showed against him as a positive.


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    #14
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You should be proud of yourself for sticking up to him! as someone who has been bullied by a family member i know it is very important to stand up for yourself, even if your scared at first who cares! its worth it in the end for yourself. you'll end up surprising yourself. You'll also learn like everyone has said that it is the bully with the issues not you! and never let them project onto you!

    I realised all this with my bully and in fact I feel sorry for them now.
    So always stand up for yourself you'll soon realise what everyone here is saying is true. And feel good about yourself for knowing that this kind of behaviour is not ok and that you do not hold a lot of anger unlike this bully.


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    #15
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    catmelodian wrote: »
    You need to man up. I realise that you may have self esteem issues, but Christ man, stand up for yourself!

    He did. Also, a lot of people out there can't just "man up" in general: their physiological reaction to confrontation forces them to back down as a means of survival.


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    #16
    Thibor
    Registered Users Posts: 58 ✭✭Thibor


    He's a bully, simple as.
    The only thing is though, you HAVE to stand up for yourself, you took the first step by telling him to move on.
    The reason he started slapping you was because he knew you wouldn't react or fight back.
    I don't like violence, but with people like that, I found (from my own experience of being bullied) you have to actually hit back. Yes, you MIGHT get beaten, but it'll also show the bully that if he tries it again, he'll get another smack for his trouble, he'll end up leaving you alone because it's just not worth it. If you think about it, you're already receiving a physical attack, if you actually retaliate it's not likley that the attack will get much worse, and if you're lucky it'll be him on the receiving end. Also, a bully tends to do stuff when there are people around, it's done to humiliate you, when you stand up and give as much as you receive it shows everyone else that you're NOT a victim, and that he's not such a tough guy.

    Just to reiterate, I am not encouraging violence, it's just that from my own personal experience, a bully stops once he realises you aren't the timid victim.


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