Terrible at conversation!

LegacyUser

Hey,
Going unreg for this one. Not a major PI but still something that has been bothering me and tonight it was fairly prevalent. I'm getting real tired of the fact that I'm terrible at conversation or small talk. I just get totally blocked rather than just being able to talk freely and comfortably with people.

Tonight for example I was sitting on the Luas and a fairly attractive woman got on and sat beside me. She was a bit tipsy and sparked up a bit of conversation which I tried to go along with (albeit badly!). She was texting someone and it turned out to be about me, because her friend rang her and mid conversation she asked me my name which she then said to her friend. After she hung up she explained to me that her friend had texted her asking her was she in a taxi, and she had wrote back saying no she got the luas and is chatting up some hottie!

So, god-sent opportunity, and I just bottle it from then on in. I wish I could have kept a good flow of conversation going rather than sobering her up with silence. But I can't seem to keep that going. I'm fine talking about things that interest me or with the right people I'm very chatty in a variety of contexts, not just one on one. But way too often I just dry up and can't think of anything to say when almost anything would do. It's just a wall of silence that seems to turn people a bit cold against me

Any advice would be really nice!

LegacyUser

Haha, you and me both!

I was in a God sent situation recently, where I had to spend an hour alone with a fabulous looking girl for work purposes. As well as being stunningly attractive, she was a very genuinely nice person, open and friendly and honest, and not up her own backside at all, as some of these lookers can be. She chatted away merrily about ordinary stuff, and her body language was basically pointing a long, miniskirted pair of legs straight at me!

Now I wasn't fazed at all by this. Years ago I'd have been a nervous wreck, but I am wholly confident in these situations now. Except that I run out of things to say! The thing to engage a girl like this is to make her laugh. Then she's yours! Well, we talked about the weather, we talked about her job, where she was from, the place we were in, the book she was reading, and it was all very nice and polite and friendly, but I was aware that too much of that would bore her. I could not think of a single thing to say that would make her laugh, which would have been the opener.

Needless to say, after fifteen minutes, her book came out, and I feigned to read a book of my own. Opportunity lost, and such opportunities are as rare as hen's teeth! So for all you lucky Jack the lads out there, with the gift of the gab, how do you make a girl like that laugh, when you've just met her for the first time?

panda100

the_weatherman wrote: »

The thing to engage a girl like this is to make her laugh. Then she's yours! Well, we talked about the weather, we talked about her job, where she was from, the place we were in, the book she was reading, and it was all very nice and polite and friendly, but I was aware that too much of that would bore her. I could not think of a single thing to say that would make her laugh, which would have been the opener.

Needless to say, after fifteen minutes, her book came out, and I feigned to read a book of my own. Opportunity lost, and such opportunities are as rare as hen's teeth! So for all you lucky Jack the lads out there, with the gift of the gab, how do you make a girl like that laugh, when you've just met her for the first time?

I think there's a misconception out there that in order to be friendly and a good conversationlist in Ireland you have to make someone laugh.

I would much rather have someone have a sincere conversation with me about the book I was reading then for them to be cracking lame jokes. By all means keep things light hearted but you do not have to make her laugh to impress her. I've had guys do the 'jack the lad' routine when it clearly didnt suit them. I could tell they were thinking of something witty to retort back rather than actually listen to what I was saying. It didn't really ignite my passions tbh.

Once I was sitting in the IFI and a guy was sharing the table with me and he started talking about the book I was reading. He didnt try and be funny, but we had the most wonderful conversation about books and films. It was littered with silences too but I felt very comfortable with him and not forced into a conversation with the sole aim to impress me.

I think the best thing you can do is just be yourself,relax,be interested and listen to what she is saying.

prinz

tockitytick wrote: »

I wish I could have kept a good flow of conversation going rather than sobering her up with silence. But I can't seem to keep that going.Any advice would be really nice!

Not to worry, it could always be worse. You should be grateful you can keep silent, I have trouble with small talk from time to time too, but rather than keep silent and be done with it I tend to come out with the most ridiculous inappropriate nonsense you can think of. It's like my brain thinks what's the worst possible thing I could say at this moment and I blurt it out :pac: Never fear though, I met my now wife that way. Just relax and be yourself. It won't work everytime but it will work sometimes. As the panda said be yourself. If that's quiet and thoughtful go for it. There are times I wish I'd kept my mouth shut.

shellyboo

prinz wrote: »

Not to worry, it could always be worse. You should be grateful you can keep silent, I have trouble with small talk from time to time too, but rather than keep silent and be done with it I tend to come out with the most ridiculous inappropriate nonsense you can think of. It's like my brain thinks what's the worst possible thing I could say at this moment and I blurt it out :pac: Never fear though, I met my now wife that way. Just relax and be yourself. It won't work everytime but it will work sometimes. As the panda said be yourself. If that's quiet and thoughtful go for it. There are times I wish I'd kept my mouth shut.

Massively OT, but... you got married? Yay, congrats!

Also, I'd second what everyone else said... no need to force a fake "personality" out of yourself, talking about the weather or films or whatever pops into your head is perfectly fine. If all else fails, ask questions... people love to talk about themselves! Ask her about her job, does she like it, where did she study, has she travelled, where does she like to go out, where was she coming from that she got on the Luas, etc etc etc... anything at all!

prinz

shellyboo wrote: »

Massively OT, but... you got married? Yay, congrats!

Awwh ta yup 5 months now, game over for me .

shellyboo wrote: »

Also, I'd second what everyone else said... no need to force a fake "personality" out of yourself, talking about the weather or films or whatever pops into your head is perfectly fine. If all else fails, ask questions... people love to talk about themselves! Ask her about her job, does she like it, where did she study, has she travelled, where does she like to go out, where was she coming from that she got on the Luas, etc etc etc... anything at all!

+1 on the questions. It gives you time to think too.

Gladiator.

the_weatherman wrote: »

Haha, you and me both!

I was in a God sent situation recently, where I had to spend an hour alone with a fabulous looking girl for work purposes. As well as being stunningly attractive, she was a very genuinely nice person, open and friendly and honest, and not up her own backside at all, as some of these lookers can be. She chatted away merrily about ordinary stuff, and her body language was basically pointing a long, miniskirted pair of legs straight at me!

Now I wasn't fazed at all by this. Years ago I'd have been a nervous wreck, but I am wholly confident in these situations now. Except that I run out of things to say! The thing to engage a girl like this is to make her laugh. Then she's yours! Well, we talked about the weather, we talked about her job, where she was from, the place we were in, the book she was reading, and it was all very nice and polite and friendly, but I was aware that too much of that would bore her. I could not think of a single thing to say that would make her laugh, which would have been the opener.

Needless to say, after fifteen minutes, her book came out, and I feigned to read a book of my own. Opportunity lost, and such opportunities are as rare as hen's teeth! So for all you lucky Jack the lads out there, with the gift of the gab, how do you make a girl like that laugh, when you've just met her for the first time?

Your situation is completely different to the OPs , that goodlooking girl was 'forced' to spend an hour in your company , as for the OP she was free to sit beside him and find him to be a hottie.

<Snip>

Eve_Dublin

the_weatherman wrote: »

Haha, you and me both!

I was in a God sent situation recently, where I had to spend an hour alone with a fabulous looking girl for work purposes. As well as being stunningly attractive, she was a very genuinely nice person, open and friendly and honest, and not up her own backside at all, as some of these lookers can be. She chatted away merrily about ordinary stuff, and her body language was basically pointing a long, miniskirted pair of legs straight at me!

Now I wasn't fazed at all by this. Years ago I'd have been a nervous wreck, but I am wholly confident in these situations now. Except that I run out of things to say! The thing to engage a girl like this is to make her laugh. Then she's yours! Well, we talked about the weather, we talked about her job, where she was from, the place we were in, the book she was reading, and it was all very nice and polite and friendly, but I was aware that too much of that would bore her. I could not think of a single thing to say that would make her laugh, which would have been the opener.

Needless to say, after fifteen minutes, her book came out, and I feigned to read a book of my own. Opportunity lost, and such opportunities are as rare as hen's teeth! So for all you lucky Jack the lads out there, with the gift of the gab, how do you make a girl like that laugh, when you've just met her for the first time?

If you make us laugh were yours? Maaaan do you think good-looking women are a shower of simpletons? One laugh from them and they´re putty in your hands? A guy with a sense of humour is important but it´s most definitely not the be all and end all...it´s an important contributing factor to the overall package There´s definitely a little more to it than that. OP next time ask the girl where she was that night, did she have a good time, where´s she off to now, where is she from...just talk to her like you would anyone and see how it goes.

BUT one thing I´ve learned in the past few years....if you don´t get along with someone, it can´t be forced. Just because she´s pretty, doesn´t mean you´ll automatically click no matter how much you wish for this to be the case. You´re chatty with people you feel comfortable with and they might not always be the most stunning of people. I say this because I´ve had a few hunky boyfriends in the past but the conversation with them was limited but I fancied them so much I wanted us to get along on that level too but it just wasn´t to be. I´m seeing a guy now who´s is not conventionally handsome but I´m so comfortable in his company, we have loads in common and the conversation just flows. Don´t beat yourself up over the fact that you didn´t "click" with a gorgeous drunk girl on the Luas. What´s for ye won´t pass ye and all that.

The Recliner

Gladiator. wrote: »

Your situation is completely different to the OPs , that goodlooking girl was 'forced' to spend an hour in your company , as for the OP she was free to sit beside him and find him to be a hottie.

<Snip>

Gladiator unhelpful and aggressive posting is not acceptable in PI and can see you banned

Please have a read of the charter again before posting further

Kanoe

I'm crappy with small talk too so I try to keep responses to a minimum, yes or no with a smile will suffice most of the time

kawaii

zxy wrote: »

I'm crappy with small talk too so I try to keep responses to a minimum, yes or no with a smile will suffice most of the time

Is that not a self fulfilling prophecy??

Katgurl

Op women love to talk and we enjoy talkingabout ourselves so my advice would be to ask questions - what do you do, where are you from, did you grow up there, big family or small, do you like the job you're in, where were you tonight, any plans for rest of weekend etc

it doesn't have to be scintillating stuff, once you seem interested

Ruthless26

just be yourself. don't put any pressure on yourself to be what you think she wants you to be.

Kanoe

kawaii wrote: »

Is that not a self fulfilling prophecy??

probably. but I was even crappier before summarising. (its the difference between being crappy at small talk and feeling bad about it, and knowing you're crappy and not being so bothered.)