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Death of someone close: medium?

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  • 20-05-2010 11:00pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi there, due to the sensitive nature of this post I don't want to give too many details.


    A friend of mine has recently (about 9 weeks now) lost her husband. She is so very torn up. I want to help her , his death was sudden. We live in a very small village and there is a lot of talk about his death, she's even had kids knocking on her door and running away. She lives alone and they had no kids.

    I wanted to contact a psychic medium to try get her some answers, someone who might be able to communicate with him. I'm desperate to help her, she's in so much pain.

    Please can somebody say whether it's a good idea to employ a medium or someone who has the ability to communicate with people who have just passed away? I'm getting chills down my spine writing this but she needs answers.

    If anyone has some constructive advice I would like to hear it.


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    #2
    Onesimus
    Registered Users Posts: 2,055 ✭✭✭Onesimus


    If you want to help your friend, suggest to her some counselling, and do her a big favour by keeping her away from these charlatans, you'd only be prolonging her pain if you ask me.


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    #3
    Dwn Wth Vwls
    Registered Users Posts: 401 ✭✭Dwn Wth Vwls


    That's a terrible idea. Whether or not you believe it's possible, the chances of you finding someone genuine are very slim. Instead, you're sending a vulnerable woman to someone who can easily take advantage of her.

    Look up bereavement counselling in your local area. There may be one-on-one or group sessions that she could go to. Talking about and working through her grief is what she needs, not someone passing on "messages" from her dead husband.


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    #4
    ziedth
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 9,081 Mod ✭✭✭✭ziedth


    I'm afraid I agree with above OP.

    I'm a fairly spirtual person but I know these vermin are basically con artists and like the poster above said even IF there are some genuine mediums out there it's very likely that you will get one of the bad eggs.

    I would agree with seeking professional help and trying to help her as best you can.

    Goodluck OP


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    #5
    Exclamation Marc
    Registered Users Posts: 11,396 ✭✭✭✭Exclamation Marc


    Mediums and clairevoyants in general are con-artists and could possibly bring more hurt and questions to your friend and might end up leaving her in a worse state than she is in.
    They prey on people looking for communication and generally give quite generic answers which those looking for answers will fit into what they would like to hear.

    I've a friend who sought a medium to try to contact a deceased parent, and it really scarred her since as she built up so much hope that she would have contact with her mother and the medium (who was supposed to be reputable) that when the session was obviously a scam, and the medium was just throwing out genericisms all over the place, it hurt her and left her in a worse state than when she went in.

    The only thing I can recommend is bereavement counselling, I really hope your friend finds peace and comfort OP


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    #6
    Eve_Dublin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,884 ✭✭✭Eve_Dublin


    Please have a look at this OP and anyone who believes in these crooks:

    http://www.ted.com/talks/james_randi.html

    This guy is a legend.


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    #7
    fatmammycat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,208 ✭✭✭fatmammycat


    If you really care about your friend you won't inflict one of those hucksters on her at this time. Be there for her, allow her the time she needs to grieve.


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Regular poster here, but going unreg for this one. I have to say I completely agree with everyone's posts.

    My brother died suddenly in an accident at work a couple of years ago - I just couldn't get my head around it and had heard my friends telling me these heartwarming stories about mediums they went to and how their granny came through or uncle or something and how happy they are and they're looking down on them and how proud they've made them (the usual stuff you hear people say when they've gone to one), so I went along, expecting them to tell me about my brother - I don't even know what answers I was looking for - I just wanted to know he was out there (wherever there is) I've gone to about three or four different mediums and not one of them were able to say one thing about my brother and it absolutely broke my heart and still does. All i wanted was for them to say one thing - just even acknowledge him but they couldn't - they said there was no one "there" for me. I started to ask why loved ones of my friends and other people would come through for them but the one person I wanted to hear from most in the world couldnt.

    If you expose this person to a medium- it is not guaranteed that their husband will come through and I'm telling you it will break their heart and make their grief ten times worse.


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    #9
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    anon 0924 wrote: »
    Regular poster here, but going unreg for this one. I have to say I completely agree with everyone's posts.

    My brother died suddenly in an accident at work a couple of years ago - I just couldn't get my head around it and had heard my friends telling me these heartwarming stories about mediums they went to and how their granny came through or uncle or something and how happy they are and they're looking down on them and how proud they've made them (the usual stuff you hear people say when they've gone to one), so I went along, expecting them to tell me about my brother - I don't even know what answers I was looking for - I just wanted to know he was out there (wherever there is) I've gone to about three or four different mediums and not one of them were able to say one thing about my brother and it absolutely broke my heart and still does. All i wanted was for them to say one thing - just even acknowledge him but they couldn't - they said there was no one "there" for me. I started to ask why loved ones of my friends and other people would come through for them but the one person I wanted to hear from most in the world couldnt.

    If you expose this person to a medium- it is not guaranteed that their husband will come through and I'm telling you it will break their heart and make their grief ten times worse.

    Those "heartwarming stories" are con artists telling people what they want to hear, nothing more. OP the bereaved friend would benefit more from you being there to help them and have someone to listen to instead of paying some whacko to try talk to a dead person for them.


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    #10
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    At a particularly low ebb and having had friends visit a "psychic", I took the bait and rang the number for an appointment, only to be told that she had passed away.

    While keeping a straight face and passing on my condolences, I couldn't help wondering whether she had taken appointments for the week after she'd "passed on".......


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    #11
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Onesimus wrote: »
    If you want to help your friend, suggest to her some counselling, and do her a big favour by keeping her away from these charlatans, you'd only be prolonging her pain if you ask me.

    OP
    I could not agree more with Onesimus. If you care at all about your friend keep well away from people who 'claim' to be in touch with the dead. It's a load of hogwash.
    Get her to a grief counsellor asap. She will benefit from talking to a professional who knows how to help a person through methods that work.

    Please, please, please do not even suggest a medium to her.
    She needs to heal, not live in the past under the false hope that she can continue to be in touch with someone who is dead. That sort of thing can only push her further into dispair.


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    #12
    steddyeddy
    Registered Users Posts: 27,564 ✭✭✭✭steddyeddy


    Well look at it this way in the ideal therputic relationship the client (your friend say) is encouraged to talk and find their own way of dealing with their grief, mediums just tell people waht they want to here, they dont deal with the grief just feed their clients with exactly what they want to hear at that point in time, they offer no help to deal with the grief in the long run.


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    #13
    Hrududu
    Registered Users Posts: 1,711 ✭✭✭Hrududu


    There are no such things as mediums, just con men. If you are any sort of friend at all you will not make any such suggestion.

    Counselling might be the best idea for your friend.


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    #14
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    As with all the other posters OP, I really don't think this would be a good idea at all. I'd view spiritual/psychic this that and the other as a bit of harmless fun for folks who are into that kind of thing - under normal circumstances, but these are far from normal circumstances, and getting your friend involved with that sort of thing at this stage is likely to do far more harm than good.

    Suggesting your friend approach a professional counsellor (directly or through their GP) would be a much better idea. Other than that, being there for her and being supportive is your best bet. A couple months after a loss like that, it's unlikely someone could be any other way than in a bad mess emotionally. If needs be, professional bereavement counselling will help your friend deal with things. In any case, it sounds like your heart's in the right place and that you want to help her. Just be careful how you go about it.


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    #15
    aidan24326
    Registered Users Posts: 5,925 ✭✭✭aidan24326


    Glad to see the unanimously sensible advice being given here. These people are snakes*, taking advantage of the most emotionally traumatised people for a fast buck. It's quite sad that the owner of Irish Psychics Live is now a wealthy man off the back of it, alot of gullible people out there it seems.

    *apologies to the snake community for the comparison


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    #16
    prinz
    Registered Users Posts: 14,598 ✭✭✭✭prinz


    mediumornot wrote: »
    We live in a very small village and there is a lot of talk about his death, she's even had kids knocking on her door and running away. She lives alone and they had no kids..

    I'd second the advice above re the mediums. Don't go near them.

    Just on the above is there anyway you could talk to people in the village and find out who these kids are or just tell them to talk to their own kids about this? Being newly alone isn't very nice, people especially can tend to feel alone, abandoned, insecure etc. Having little kids ringing the bell and running isn't going to do any good for her whatsoever.


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    #17
    kjl
    Registered Users Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    Well too throw a spanner in the works, perhaps you could try Irish psychics Live, its a premium rate telephone number anyone can call and get a reading, sure they do it very slowly and you probably wont be able to pay the €2000 phone bill you get, but hey if it helps.

    Truth is, the only thing that is going to help your friend is time, and perhaps grief counseling. I can assure you that contacting a so called medium will result in tears. These people are either con men or mentally deranged if they actually think they can talk to dead people.

    TBH OP if I was you I would stay out of this, if you are naive enough to post on PI asking for a psychic, then chances are you are not qualified enough to help this person threw this. My advice, make her a nice tray of food, and give her company. That is it, don't even mention this medium bs or it WILL backfire in some way.


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