school troubles

sarah 2009

hi all, sorry its a such a long post. i'm 17 year old girl and i just feel so self concious about myself. i constantly compare myself to everybody else, when i'm in class even when id have questions i just cant get the words out.i've VERY little confidence in myself and my looks. i'm just afraid of what everyone will think of me. i know most people only care about themselves and don't actually care what i'm saying but iv been like this all my life.

Don't get me wrong i have friends just not any male ones. People i dont know, know me as being "the shy one" its like whenever i'm around any of them i HAVE to be that person. I just think they wouldn't want to talk to me because i'm not good enough. Everyone has something about them like some people have the looks, others have the personality, others the confidence, and i have none of that. And i just keep thinking about next year when everyones asking each other to the debs im be just left with no one all because i dont open my mouth.

Like i'm 17 and never kissed anyone. i had the opportunity but i think its only because i lost weight and looked good then but ive gained it back now so no one would want me as i am now.....
i know its so bad but i'm so jealous of my friend like she is so pretty, she has so many lads that would love to be with her.

AND im jealous of my cousin. She s a year younger than me and we'r so close.She has so much confidence and is gorgeous.Shes got so many of the lads in my year and they're all shocked when they find out we'r cousins as they think shes so "fun". Everybody that knows me tells me we'v the same personality, humour, EVERYTHING so i know they would like me as a person. But im scared to be myself. I always just feel like the person looking on at everyone else having a great time. Iv never done any of the"teenage experiences" its like im too far behind. most people in the year have had sex and i havnt even kissed anyone.
I also find whenever im at anywhere i always look around and think "they look gorgeous i look a state" but i always look to the future and tell myself next time youl look good. Im always looking to the future never living in the here and now.
With all this i just think its so hard just to tell myself "ah well don't care what anyone else thinks, it doesnt matter, when it really does to me."

Like how can i just get confidence and start talking and being myself.

Sorry its so jumbled:D it might seem trivial to some people but it is really getting me down.

cafecolour

Most everyone, especially at 17, is as insecure and questioning themselves as you, despite how it might appear. Don't be too hard on yourself.

On the other hand, be a little hard on yourself - self-confidence takes time to build, and you're only going to do it by challenging yourself. First, if you're not already, get involved in activity or two (sport, drama, volunteering, whatever) - they can be huge confidence boosters, as well as expanding your network socially. And, of course, doing a sport is the best way to keep fit (far more than just trying to diet).

And you've got to challenge yourself socially. You'll not going to become an extrovert overnight, so stop telling yourself 'next time youll be outgoing'. Next time you are out with your friends, force yourself to talk to someone you don't know well. Even if it ends up being a short, awkward conversation, it's a good step forward, and it'll get easier.

The fact that you are starting on this so young, and that you do look towards the future will be great if you put some effort in. It won't happen tomo, but if you start challenging yourself, in 6 months you'll be able to look back and see some difference, and your confidence will keep growing with time.

sarah 2009

thanks for your reply! its just so hard in class to push myself because im in my comfort zone just sitting back and saying nothing, like if i dont say anything i cant get rejected or dismissed which would hurt.

Sophsxxx

Hey!
I know exactly how you feel..and nearly every teenage girl in the world! It's perfectly normal to be jealous of others. I was also the 'shy, quiet' one until my friends pushed me to not just stand there but participate and so I did and it took a while but I got more and more confident.
Sometimes, tbh, I hate my friends. They're either smarter, hotter or more talented than me but you're you and you shouldn't change that!
Speak up (even though it's a terrifying prospect!) and you can surprise yourself and every one around you!

xxx

jenny4385

what i do is i say to myself every day going into work.. even if i just say one thing today in a group of people its a step on the way to talking... i just dont know how people cant just say whatever comes into their head...

kjl

OK, here is a challenge for you OP.

Grab a bunch of your female mates, and head on down to some teeny disco and you make it your priority to motivate people and to be the first one to approach a group of lads and start chatting to them. In order to gain confidence you must go out of your shell.

Believe me, any group of lads is going to be chuffed and interested in a group of girls. If they act weird, its only because its probably unnatural for them.

Everyone is self conscience, it does get easier as you get older, but in fact a lot of people I know end up resorting to drinking the get dutch courage, now, if you want to avoid that, you need to be the outgoing one now. Build up your confidence before you become dependent on the booze. All you have to do is make an effort.

Semele

I felt exactly like you, OP, but you will grow out of it when you leave school and are tested in more varied social situations. I'll always be naturally shy but I now can chat away to anyone in any context without any bother- it's something that you learn to do through conscious effort at first until it comes naturally.

I know what you mean about "having" to be the quiet one because thats what everyone expects of you. What helped me was joining a drama group in the next town, where I didn't know anyone. Going to the first few meetings on my own was a real effort but the great thing was that, because no-one there knew me, I was able to be myself completely and start as I meant to go on! No-one from school would have recognised me as the same person there! And over time this confidence started to feed back into what I was like in school and I gradually came out of my shell there too.

sarah 2009

aww thanks everyone for your replys! i'd love to go in next year and be myself every year i tell myself that though!ha! its just hard though because people would be talking but wouldnt even adknowledge me being there so its hard to just barge in their conversations and say stuff when you feel your input isn't wanted

jenny4385

you just have to keep trying...
and tell yourself that not evryone is judging what you say
hug

highlydebased

sarah 2009 wrote: »

Iv never done any of the"teenage experiences" its like im too far behind. most people in the year have had sex and i havnt even kissed anyone.

You might think they've all had sex but many of them may only be letting it on to create an impression.

You're not missing an awful lot anyway- when a guy comes along for you for these things, he will. And usually when you least expect it! Bear in mind I'm only turning 19 and I suffered similar problems when I was 16/17. Be yourself, forget about everyone else, forget about what they think. I'm sure you are good looking anyway, and besides, its not all about the looks.