Pregnant, single, how do I tell the father?

LegacyUser

Well, as the title suggests, I just found out I'm pregnant.

I'm not with the father, although we are friends. The problem is he's actually in a relationship with somebody else. I know that sleeping with him was stupid and selfish, and I felt guilty about it immediately, as did he. I'm dreading having to tell him the news now.

Any advice? I have no idea how he'll react.

Andy-Pandy

Of course he is going to react the same way as you, scared and terrified. But the sooner you tell him the better you will feel. Never mind what people say about the fact he is in another relationship, whats done is done now. You have to make any choice now based on the fact that your pregnant ,and if you choose to keep the baby, whats best for your child. Just meet him someplace quite and tell him. It's gonna be awfull, but when its done the relief you will feel about not having this on your mind will outway the fear of telling him. good luck.

ash23

I'd advise you to think about what you want for a few days before telling him. I'll probably get slaughtered for this but when I told my daughters dad I was pregnant he asked what I was going to do. I was still in two minds about an abortion or keeping the baby. I was upset and in shock and afraid. He took my uncertainty and tried to persuade me to have an abortion. He was with someone else at the time (I didn't know when I was seeing him) and his main priority was to somehow get it to all go away so that he could protect himself.

I'm not saying this will be the case in your situation but I think that if I'd been more certain about my decision, it might have been better in terms of how it went when I told him.

You won't know how he will react until you tell him. Preferably tell him in person.
Good luck OP.

Katgurl

I agree with ash on this one think long and hard about what you want yourself. Forget about the father for the moment, you're pregnant, what do you want? It's unfortunate about his circumstances but this is far far bigger so don't let his relationship cloud your decisions.

When your mind is made up arrange meet him in person. Be prepared for him to react badly. I'm not saying he will but bear in mind this is going to come as huge shock to him while you've had bit of time to get used to it. Try not tolet things get too heated where things get said that can't be unsaid. Give him time to digest the news and suggest meeting again in couple of days.

Finally, congratulations and best of luck with whatever decision you make.

LegacyUser

Thank you so much, all of you.

I'm going to tell him at the weekend. I've pretty much decided that I want to keep the baby, which he probably won't be happy about. I couldn't live with the alternatives though.

ash23

OP, I also wanted to add that if you do decide to keep the baby and when you tell him if he reacts badly (I really hope he won't) but come back on here for support either way.
My babys dad walked away and I haven't seen or heard from him in 8 years. I thought my world would end but it hasn't. It's been hard but great.
It truly is his loss.

I've spent the evening watching her doing tricks on the trampoline with her buddy while myself and my friend sat in the sun drinking a glass of wine. She's now beside me singing along to Glee.

It's completely your call as to what you do about this pregnancy and I am totally pro choice. I made the right choice for ME so I hope I amn't coming across as trying to convince you of anything.

I just want you to know that its possible to raise a happy, well adjusted child....without the father being involved. It's not ideal but if thats the choice he makes, it's still do-able.

I'm rambling, think that wine went straight to my head

Best of luck again OP.
It's not an easy situation but it's not the worst either. I know it might not seem that way but believe me, you'll look back on this and realise that.

LegacyUser

So, I told him last night.

His reaction was better, and worse than I expected. He was very upset, and he doesn't want me to have the baby, but he's not trying to pressure me into terminating. He also said he'd support me financially if I decide to keep it, but he doesn't know if he'd be able to offer any more than that. I told him I wouldn't force him to do anything he didn't want to - if I decide to keep the baby, then I owe him the right the decide how involved he wants to be.

This feels like a bad dream that I can't wake up from. I'm completely numb. I don't feel angry or happy or sad or excited or anything. I just feel guilty and worried.

He's obviously terrified about the affect this would have on his gf if I kept the baby, which I don't blame him for. I feel guilty enough about sleeping with him - I really don't want to destroy her life by keeping her boyfriend's child. But then, if I decide not to keep it, I'd just be doing that for him and I don't know if I could live with that. It's all such a mess.

I never thought I'd be the type of person to get into a situation like this.

Katgurl

OP you are not any 'type' of person, if anything you are coming across as considerate, respectful and brave. You have been very unfortunate in the circumstances but you certainly don't come across as anything excep a human who made a mistake. Nothing new there.


I wish you all the best with your decision. Like ash I wouldntwant to sway your decision but I'm delighted for you.

greenprincess

I hope it all works out for you what ever you decide to do!

Bottle_of_Smoke

scaredandsingle wrote: »

So, I told him last night.

His reaction was better, and worse than I expected. He was very upset, and he doesn't want me to have the baby, but he's not trying to pressure me into terminating. He also said he'd support me financially if I decide to keep it, but he doesn't know if he'd be able to offer any more than that. I told him I wouldn't force him to do anything he didn't want to - if I decide to keep the baby, then I owe him the right the decide how involved he wants to be.

This feels like a bad dream that I can't wake up from. I'm completely numb. I don't feel angry or happy or sad or excited or anything. I just feel guilty and worried.

He's obviously terrified about the affect this would have on his gf if I kept the baby, which I don't blame him for. I feel guilty enough about sleeping with him - I really don't want to destroy her life by keeping her boyfriend's child. But then, if I decide not to keep it, I'd just be doing that for him and I don't know if I could live with that. It's all such a mess.

I never thought I'd be the type of person to get into a situation like this.

Listen unless she's a friend of yours you've done nothing wrong here.

You slept together. He's 50% responsible for that and 100% responsible for his actions. The success of their relationship is utterly irrelevant to you and your pregnancy.

Don't even consider her feelings when deciding whether or not to have the baby. Some would even argue you're more ruining her life by not telling her he's a cheater so don't think like that.

You sound like you want to keep the child. You have financial support. That's all that matters. Let the father sort things out with his relationship.

am i bovvered

Hi OP,
Please do not be so tough on yourself, everyone makes mistakes. Your focus now must be on your baby, yourself, and trying to maintain a positive relationship with the dad of your child.
Wish you the best of luck