decision to make

jenwilliams

so heres the story:
Went out with a guy for 5 months until he broke up with me because he still harbored feelings for a woman he fell for years ago (whom he'd never actually been in a relationship with but in my opinion became obsessed as he was only a teenager). He met up with her again but turned her down when given the opportunity to be with her. He told me he made a mistake. After some time we got back together and a year later it still hasn't left my mind. I'm progressively getting over the paranoia but its still there at times.
He understands that it has caused me a lot of emotional hardship but he still counts this woman as a good friend despite not knowing simple things like when her birthday is or her email address.
I want to get over my paranoia as he promises he isn't obsessed with this woman anymore. He lied to me about the details of how they got in contact when he left me. According to him, she instigated the contact but through my own means I found out otherwise. Initially he said he didn't meet up with her until his stories didn't add up and he admitted to having done so.
I know you will probably all say to leave him but I know that now he really loves me so I'd like to believe I can give it a proper chance. I have the opportunity to go with my bf to where she goes out during the summer but I'm not sure if that would make me any better or worse... I know if I saw them around each other I could tell if there is still anything straight away but that shows my trust issue. anyone have opinions on this?

Butterfly89

Of course it's understandable that you would be wary of this other girl seen as he left you over his feelings for her before, but you really just need to let it go. You say he gave up the opportunity to be with her when he had the chance - what more do you need?

When I first met my boyf, he still had feelings for his ex and I am still very wary of her - used to stalk her on facebook and the like, and it got me nowhere! I know my boyf loves me and wants to be with me so I just try not to think about her at all. He broke up with you before because he had feelings for her, not because he had already gone ahead and cheated on you, so that tells me he really is a good guy.
Let it go op

Loopsie

op
how long was it that you were apart for before he came to his senses and how long are you back together now??
All you can do in my opinion in trust your gut, ive learnt that alot recently and if something diesnt feel right then ther is usually a reason.
Sit down with him, if you have a good relationship surely you talk about this issue and get everything out in the air??
xx

seenitall

Your problem isn't whether your OH would cheat on you or not, your problem is that your OH idolises another woman over you (as his lies about who initiated contact and his considering someone he doesn't know at all "a good friend" show).

If I were you, OP, I would also be very weary of the actual truth who turned down whom - doesn't sound to me like HE would turn HER down, no way Jose. And as you already know, he is well capable of lying to you.

But even regardless of that, I couldn't live in this kind of relationship. I would consider it demeaning and destructive to my self esteem. Not even if he "loved" me - what kind of love is that where you are the second best, the consolation prize?

Anyway, good luck with it all.