Friend not replying to email

Fonze07

I have been best friends with this woman for the past 3 years. We would talk on the phone everyday and use to work together but then she left to get a new job. We still kept in contact all the time. I did have feelings for her and a while back we did stop contact as we thought it was for the best.

Recently, we got back in touch after i bought her something for her birthday so she was just replying to say thanks and was glad we could speak again. Anyway we have been emailing each other back and forth for a while now but my last email that i sent a week and a half ago she hasnt replied to. Now i know she has read it as she has logged in everyday since i sent it so why would she not bother to reply? Any thoughts people?

I am thinking of just totally forgetting all about it and putting her out of my life altogether. I am tempted just to send her a message saying something like "hi, I can take the hint. You don't want to talk to me now. It's fine. Its good to know i have just been used these last few years. I did everything for you. Anyway have a good life".

It just annoys me so much when i did everything for her. You wouldn't believe. One time i loaned her nearly 1,000 euro. Did get about 600 back but haven't seen the rest. Bought her lots of stuff for birthday, christmas, asked me to book flights for her when she didnt have credit card etc. I could go on all day. So it just gets to me when she ends up treating me like this and think i ought to email her and say something like i said above.

Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.

shellyboo

Fonze07 wrote: »

I am thinking of just totally forgetting all about it and putting her out of my life altogether.

Great idea, you should definitely do that. However, doing this:

I am tempted just to send her a message saying something like "hi, I can take the hint. You don't want to talk to me now. It's fine. Its good to know i have just been used these last few years. I did everything for you. Anyway have a good life".

Is not "forgetting all about it and putting her out of your head". It's the complete opposite in fact - it's making a snide, tantrum-y comment in order to get her attention and make her feel bad.

Either you want her out of your life or you don't. If you do, then forget about her, don't contact her, move on. Baiting her is only going prolonging the agony.

LegacyUser

OP, may I remind you of the thread you started last month where you asked whether you should send this friend a birthday card? Everyone advised you not to do it. You eventually said:

Fine, I get all your points. I won't send anything

Except that you did. Please go back through all your posts since you joined this forum. I don't mean to be cruel or mean - but there is a pattern there. You keep coming back with the same problem about the same girl. You keep getting the same advice: Leave it. And yet...and yet!

Has it never occured to you that this girl might actually feel a little uncomfortable knowing how you feel about her? You might try to convince yourself that you have gone back to casual friendship, but the fact that you get so annoyed over the lack of response means that you are far from considering this girl a casual friend. I'd go as far as to say you were secretly hoping that, in time, she would develop deeper feelings for you...

I actually think this anger you are feeling right now might be the best emotion you have had about her since it might finally push you where you need to be: away from her and moving on with your life.

Kidchameleon

Fonze07 wrote: »

I am tempted just to send her a message saying something like "hi, I can take the hint. You don't want to talk to me now. It's fine. Its good to know i have just been used these last few years. I did everything for you. Anyway have a good life".

Do not do this, you'll look like a complete fool...

Firetrap

The best thing you can do is never contact her again. I can totally understand why you feel like saying what you do but in the end it is going to make you look needy and give her the upper hand. Think about it this way - if someone else posted a story like yours on PI what would you tell them?

Miss Fluff

As per previous poster, you were given lots of advice on why it was NOT a good idea to send a gift or a card or acknowledge her birthday in any way.

Fonze07 wrote: »

I have been best friends with this woman for the past 3 years. We would talk on the phone everyday and use to work together but then she left to get a new job. We still kept in contact all the time. I did have feelings for her and a while back we did stop contact as we thought it was for the best.

Are you sure it was a case of "we" thought it was for the best?

I wouldn't engage with this woman a moment longer. I think perhaps you do need to take the hint. She contacted you after receiving your birthday gift to say thanks but it would seem she has no further interest in resuming the friendship in any way. Sending a vitriolic email will only make you look silly. Delete her from any lists where you can see her online movements and get on with things.

Dwn Wth Vwls

You sound like you're trying to buy her affection. I bought you gifts and did you favours, you have to like me! In real friendships you do things because you want to, not because you're expecting some sort of guaranteed return on your investment.

It doesn't sound like you have a healthy relationship with this woman at all. You tried taking a break but it obviously didn't work, so I think at this point you just need to cut her out of your life and don't look back.

Chinafoot

Fonze07, you need to re-read every thread you have posted in this forum about this woman. Your relationship with her is *never* going to be what you want it to be. She is married and does not have any romantic feelings for you. She is aware of your feelings and she is probably very uncomfortable about it and unsure how to act.

Your previous threads showed you to be almost obsessive about this woman and if you were genuine in saying you're okay with having a casual friendship with her you would not be having such a freak out over her not replying to you straight away. Maybe she didn't feel the email needed to be replied to, maybe she saw it as the end of that conversation. Or, maybe she just forgot. You have no idea and sending a stroppy, childish email will make you look like a psycho. Do not do that.

You really need to get over this craic of "she used me". She didn't use you. She simply did not return your feelings for her and she saw you as a friend. My sincere advice to you would be to walk away from her completely as you will never be able to have a casual friendship while you are still smarting over these unrequited feelings.

Fonze07

Well if i knew somebody had strong feelings for me, i wouldn't be accepting any type of gifts from them as in my opinion that is leading them on.

Miss Fluff

Fonze07 wrote: »

Well if i knew somebody had strong feelings for me, i wouldn't be accepting any type of gifts from them as in my opinion that is leading them on.

Oh come on, get real! The poor woman can't win. If she accepts then to your mind she is reciprocating feelings or leading you on in some way and if she were to make a grand gesture of returning the gift I'm sure you would interpret that as her not being able to cope with her feelings or some other similarly ridiculous assumption. Not being harsh but she is married. And she is clearly not interested. At all. Forget her. Seriously.

Chinafoot

Fonze07 wrote: »

Well if i knew somebody had strong feelings for me, i wouldn't be accepting any type of gifts from them as in my opinion that is leading them on.

All you're doing is contuining to delude yourself about what this relationship actually was. You think she used you and now she led you on? Are you kidding me? Nothing that you said in any of your threads has indicated that she lead you on in any way. She appears to have treated you as a platonic friend, which to her is exactly what you were.

If you think she used you and led you on why are insisting on still being in contact with her? Why did you send her a birthday card? Leave her alone, cut all ties and move on with your life.

PTH2009

Froze07 ur going through a simlar thing as me. It will take time to get over somone who wont contact you remeber the good times and if anyone asks the 2 of ye just broke contact.Shes in a place far far away and wont be coming back for a long long time.

Move on and find someone else to share your friendship with you. someone who has the guts to talk to u in person not by email or phone.

Fonze07

So how do i go about getting back the 400 euro she owes me if the advice is not to contact her again?

seenitall

Oh, so this is all about those 400 euros she still owes you??? Well why didn't you say so?! Only now is all this fretting about birthday cards, freaking out about e-mails, and obsessing over a married woman who never wanted you in the first place, completely explained and justifiable. NOT.:rolleyes:

OP, you are the stuff stalkers are made from. You will never ever leave that poor girl alone, not until you find another object of fixation. You can kneel down and thank God for the fact she owes you that money, because with that you have the "reason" to keep contacting her. I have dealt with your ilk, as I have already told you in one of your earlier threads, and I wouldn't wish your attentions on my worst enemy.

Enjoy.

Fonze07

Jesus, i am only asking a simple question and everybody is tearing me to shreads and ripping into me which i don't think i deserve.

Thought this was a personal issue forum and i could talk about how i feel no matter if i was in the right or wrong. Yes i am more than likely in the wrong but i only asked a simple question and i get snide remarks back. Thanks for making me feel like ****

I won't bother posting on this forum again

Chinafoot

Fonze07 wrote: »

Jesus, i am only asking a simple question and everybody is tearing me to shreads and ripping into me which i don't think i deserve.

Thought this was a personal issue forum and i could talk about how i feel no matter if i was in the right or wrong. Yes i am more than likely in the wrong but i only asked a simple question and i get snide remarks back. Thanks for making me feel like ****

I won't bother posting on this forum again

With all due respect Fonze07, you have asked for advice on this issue repeatedly and have been told the same thing time and time again, nothing is going to happen and your best bet is to walk away and move on with your life. You have continued to ignore this advice. Now thats fine, you don't have to do what people here tell you, but why bother asking for advice you have no intention of taking? If you want to vent your feelings why don't you get yourself a blog or a diary? I'm not saying that to be insulting, rather that it might be a better bet if you don't want honest advice from people here.

If you want to get your money back, ask her for it. Send her an email and say "hey, forgot to ask you, is there any chance I could get that money you owe me? I could really do with it right now." Simple. Don't be an ass about it. You gave her a lend and she should have paid you back in full, so ask her for it. However, be careful you don't vent your anger and hurt at her rejecting you through this money issue. The money isn't why you're angry, and you know its not.

Your hurt over this email issue should be enough for you to see that any sort of friendhsip won't be possible between you right now. You want far more than she can give you and until you get over her, you will only continue to wreck your own head. Walk away and get your head together.

Kooli

Like others have said, you don't have to agree with the advice you have been given, or take it on. BUT you can't really ignore the fact that EVERYONE is essentially saying the same thing. Well, you can ignore it, and it seems like you want to, but I'm hoping that you won't.

You are in love with someone who doesn't love you back and you are absolutely refusing to accept this. Because you won't accept this fact and back off, you are using every trick in the book to try and retain a closeness to this woman that she does not want. You force her to respond, and when she does, you take it as a sign that she is interested. And when she doesn't follow through, you accuse her of using you or leading you on.

You need to take your responsiblity for your own feelings. If how she is responding to you is hurting you, then stop handing over your feelings to her again and again, expecting the response to be different! I mean that for your own sake, but also for hers, because you are treading dangerously close to 'stalker' territory, and you really don't want to be that guy.

spider guardian

the woman is married! take the hint, forget about her!

Taltos

Fonze07 wrote: »

I have been best friends with this woman for the past 3 years. We would talk on the phone everyday and use to work together but then she left to get a new job. We still kept in contact all the time. I did have feelings for her and a while back we did stop contact as we thought it was for the best.

Is this the same woman who is married?
If so - the choice to STOP contact was the correct one.

Fonze07 wrote: »

Recently, we got back in touch after i bought her something for her birthday so she was just replying to say thanks and was glad we could speak again. Anyway we have been emailing each other back and forth for a while now but my last email that i sent a week and a half ago she hasnt replied to. Now i know she has read it as she has logged in everyday since i sent it so why would she not bother to reply? Any thoughts people?

Ah Fonze - why get back in touch
You chose to buy her a present for her birthday and she said thanks - cool.
Now she is not replying anymore - guess she has decided the NO CONTACT was the best approach. Has been civil in replying -but I would expect she is tired of all this.

Fonze07 wrote: »

I am thinking of just totally forgetting all about it and putting her out of my life altogether. I am tempted just to send her a message saying something like "hi, I can take the hint. You don't want to talk to me now. It's fine. Its good to know i have just been used these last few years. I did everything for you. Anyway have a good life".

Do this - forget TOTALLY about it and her. Simples.
Do NOT waste your time with a message - why bother - she has already sent you numerous unsaid messages - this one is clear as a bell. Any message you send will just make you look petty and childish.

Fonze07 wrote: »

It just annoys me so much when i did everything for her. You wouldn't believe. One time i loaned her nearly 1,000 euro. Did get about 600 back but haven't seen the rest. Bought her lots of stuff for birthday, christmas, asked me to book flights for her when she didnt have credit card etc. I could go on all day. So it just gets to me when she ends up treating me like this and think i ought to email her and say something like i said above.

You need to let go of that anger and stop using it as an excuse.
If you want your money back - simply request a solicitor to seek it for you. This way you do not contact her. Personally I would just write it off though and MOVE on.

Fonze07 wrote: »

Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Be prepared for good comments, supporting comments, honest comments - the ones you don't like.

Fonze07 wrote: »

Well if i knew somebody had strong feelings for me, i wouldn't be accepting any type of gifts from them as in my opinion that is leading them on.

Sorry - tell yourself what you like -but this is BS - yes maybe if she really knew what your reason for giving a gift was... But maybe she had hoped you could just be friends. Guess now she knows better.
Question though - why buy a gift for someone who owes you money? Bit like betting on the lame horse isn't it...

Fonze07 wrote: »

So how do i go about getting back the 400 euro she owes me if the advice is not to contact her again?

Either write it off - or seek a solictor. Contacting her is what you want to hear I guess but why is it suddenly all important to get this money back?
Hope this is just not another excuse to worm back into her life.

Fonze07 wrote: »

Jesus, i am only asking a simple question and everybody is tearing me to shreads and ripping into me which i don't think i deserve.

Thought this was a personal issue forum and i could talk about how i feel no matter if i was in the right or wrong. Yes i am more than likely in the wrong but i only asked a simple question and i get snide remarks back. Thanks for making me feel like ****

I won't bother posting on this forum again

As above - you will get all manner of comments. However Fonze - some of us do clearly remember your previous postings and how you came across. Personally I really think you need to get on with your life. If that means seeking professional advice through your GP or a counsellor - then I think you owe it to yourself to maybe just maybe go that route.
I know you are hurting mate - but the only one doing the hurting here is you - why are you so intent on causing yourself so much pain?

Nevyn

This is your 4th thread on the same issue in 3 months and you are being told the same thing, again.
Do no contact her get on with your own life, if that is difficult seek help and go see a counsellor.
I am locking this and your other threads and if I see a thread on this topic again from you, you will be get a forum ban.