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family food issues

  • 19-05-2010 05:22PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I think my mother has a lot of issues with food and has passed them on to me. I'm 21 years old and for as long as I can remember she's always been dieting, and without her realising it, it seems that the more weight I lose, the more successful I am in her eyes. I've had bulimia now for about 6 years (but getting better). I told her once but she just told me to stop and never really mentioed it again. I'm at a stage now where I'm really growing into myself, I'm happy with my body and I'm focusing more on being healthy and happy than on calorie counting. Maybe the fact that I've been away from home for college for the past 4 years has helped. Unfortunately Im finished college now and just moved back home. I don't think she realises it but she's constantly making comments like "oh I bought you these because they were less calories than..." or buying me low fat versions of things. To be honest, if I was in a shop myself I'd probably buy the low fat version, but the way she constantly reminds me that she's specifically bought me the low fat one or the way she asks me all the time how many weight watchers points are in something (neither of us are on ww... I was but had to leave because her constantly asking how much weight Id lost each week was driving me back to bulimia. I'm sure she's still disappointed in me over this). She even once made me try on a pair of her jeans "to see if I was skinnier" than her.

    Today for the first time ever I said it to her. She said to me "I put chips on for you, but it's ok they're light chips" and I politely told her not to get upset, but I wasn't on a diet and didn't need to be constantly treated as if I was. Obviosuly I got a bit teary while saying this as it's a big issue for me, and she absolutely FREAKED out at me. She was saying completely irrelevant stuff about how she was the only wage earner in the house and she gets up at 6am every day and she was under stress, and I said calmly that I didnt mean to upset her, but she was giving me a complex and I'd rather tell her now than make it a big thing.

    Anyway she's not talking to me now. I heard her complaning to my dad about how she can't handle this or something, implying that I make her life so difficult.

    Ugh sorry for the rant... I just don't know how to live with her! I'm just trying to get better and get a positive body image but she keeps bringing me down.


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Maybe when she's calmed down, try sitting down and having a proper chat with her?

    Although it sounds like she really is contributing to your problem, you just need to be careful to make it sound like this is all YOUR issue, if you get me? As in 'Mam, I'm really over-sensitive about food and weight, so I'd prefer if you wouldn't put so much emphasis on it in conversation with me. It's not your fault, but I struggle with it personally and tend to read too much into remarks regarding eating.'

    I don't know if that will help much, but it's the only way of asking her to change, without seeming like you're placing blame on her, you know?

    I'm bulimic myself, and my Mam has at times really contributed to that. I don't think it's anywhere as extreme as your Mam, more that she'd tend to comment on what I was eating an awful lot. I snapped at her a few times, but eventually I suspect my Dad (who's more clued in) told her that commenting on my eating was a big no no, after I was reduced to tears one time a while back. She doesn't do it anymore, at all. And it's made it alot easier for me to try and get better.

    Good luck love!


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