What would you do

disgruntled09

Plain and simple ...

What would you do if your boyfriend told you that you irritate the hell out of him and make his blood boil?

Some info - together 5 years, live together 3 and a half years, have 21 month old.

Greyfox

disgruntled09 wrote: »

Plain and simple ...

What would you do if your boyfriend told you that you irritate the hell out of him and make his blood boil?

Some info - together 5 years, live together 3 and a half years, have 21 month old.

Simple, only talk to him when the subject is anything to do with your 21 month old, otherwise COMPLETELY IGNOR HIM until he says sorry and does something to make it up to you.

Kimia

I'd laugh, tell him that he too irritates the hell out of me, and makes my blood boil.

People fight. It's not a big deal. If you treat each fight like the end of the world it just causes unnecessary drama.

sexdwarf

Greyfox wrote: »

Simple, only talk to him when the subject is anything to do with your 21 month old, otherwise COMPLETELY IGNOR HIM until he says sorry and does something to make it up to you.

I wouldn't do this. I'd sit down and have a constructive conversation with my OH about what is irritating him, what is irritating you and what you need to work on to make it better.

disgruntled09

See he's the type of person that if you sit there and agree with everything he does or says then you're laughing. But if you don't he gets angry - he is also ALWAYS right so even if you disagree with something it goes straight over his head.

I agree that it is only a fight but there is a lot more to our situation than this. I just don't want to get into it right now or i will be typing for the rest of the day.

The basics of it are that 5 weeks before our baby arrived i found out he was having an affair with his ex (who he has a 7 year old with). This continued until the baby was 5 months. We've never really got back on track since. We get on for maybe 3 / 4 days and then fight for 2 weeks.

We fought a bit after his blood boiling remark but i left the ball in his court. He is "deciding" what he should do.

Deep down i want him to tell me its over. I dont want to be the one to do it because then when he goes back to that ex it will only be because i broke up with him. If he does it and then goes back to her that will be a different story. Is that childish of me?

Kimia

No it's not childish, but it is insane! How can you possibly want to be with him when he cheated on you when you were pregnant?? :eek::eek::eek:

GET RID!!! And work on your self-esteem too, to figure out how you could possibly allow someone that treats you so horrifically back into your life. Wow.

disgruntled09

Kimia wrote: »

No it's not childish, but it is insane! How can you possibly want to be with him when he cheated on you when you were pregnant?? :eek::eek::eek:

GET RID!!! And work on your self-esteem too, to figure out how you could possibly allow someone that treats you so horrifically back into your life. Wow.

Harsh but well needed and deserved Kimia. Self-esteem is well gone, never had much to start with but the last nearly 2 years has destroyed anything that was there.

I need people to give me a good kick up the arse, otherwise i am too afraid to do anything.

Kimia

Come on then - take this as the kick! You know yourself you deserve better. And surely if not for you, do it for your child? You don't want them growing up thinking this type of nonsense is acceptable do you?

LittleBook

disgruntled09 wrote: »

Deep down i want him to tell me its over. I dont want to be the one to do it because then when he goes back to that ex it will only be because i broke up with him. If he does it and then goes back to her that will be a different story.

So what if he goes back to the ex and what makes you think he hasn't already gone back to her?

The difference I see in those two possibilities is that in one you're taking control of the situation and starting a new life for yourself in a (personally) empowered position ... in the other, you're getting dumped by a guy who cheated on you while you were pregnant.

disgruntled09

Well i constantly live with that fear - he sees her 4 or 5 times a week when seeing his other child. I've had enough of living with that fear i can tell you!

To understand you would need to know him. Lately i've been feeling like he's trying to make me break up with him so that when he goes back to her he'll be able to say "well if you hadn't broken up with me i wouldn't be back with her". Maybe i'm caring too much about that minor part (when you point out the part about being dumped by someone who cheated on me when i was pregnant)

jessiejam

Who cares what he does when ye break up. He'll be gone and thats all that matters. You are letting him control the situation by letting him decide what he wants to do. giving him time to "make up his mind". You are way to concerned about his feelings IMHO. What did he care about yours when he was off shagging your one when you were at your most vunerable?
Concentrate on getting your life back on track with your son and enjoy yourself you deserve better.:)

How Strange

disgruntled09 wrote: »

he'll be able to say "well if you hadn't broken up with me i wouldn't be back with her".

OP, this isn't a teenage game. No disrespect intended towards you as I'm sure you're overwhelmed with just becoming a mother etc but who gives a flying f*ck who breaks up with who?

He really seems like a total tosser and you need to see that you'd be better off without him.

You deserve better as does your new baby.

disgruntled09

jessiejam wrote: »

Who cares what he does when ye break up. He'll be gone and thats all that matters.

He wont be gone though thats the problem, he'll be in my life till our baby is 18!! I dont want to have to know they are back together, have to think about them being together while i am lonely, it'll be like a slap in the face from him and especially his ex.

disgruntled09

How Strange wrote: »

OP, this isn't a teenage game. No disrespect intended towards you as I'm sure you're overwhelmed with just becoming a mother etc but who gives a flying f*ck who breaks up with who?

I know you're right. i'm a very indecisive person and keep thinking if i just get on with it maybe things will get better. Stupid i know but being me i just cant seem to muster up the courage to make an everyday decesion never mind one that will impact on my whole life.

Why can't i just bite the bullet :mad:

jessiejam

I understand your concerns. I really do feel for you. Yes you will have to have some contact with because of your child, but hey, who says your gonna be lonely. You may very well meet the man of your dreams and you will only then realise he was a very big mistake in your life.

You know what? if he carried on like that with you, whos to say the ex will be thinking exactly like you in a few months to come. Something tells me that he thinks the grass is greener and I will bet you he will be back knocking on your door again when he realises this is not the case. Living with someone day to day and just having a quick shag couple of times a week is very different.
Its so hard to move on I know all about it. Seeing him with someone else will be hard for a while, but, not forever. Keep it in your head whenever you see her that he is most probably treating her exactly the way he treats you now.
And don't forget what goes around comes around.

jessiejam

the reason you are indecisive is because he has worn you down with his behaviour.
I meant to ask you.
did he leave her for you initially?
Seems to get itchy feet when his kids are approaching 2!

disgruntled09

I've been thinking that too. Maybe instead of the thoughts of them together killing me i should pity the stupid cow for taking him back and having to put up with him.

They were still together when he started to show interest in me (i've known him about 15 years). He broke up with her and asked me out so in a way yeah he left her for me. Seems like karma for me while he gets off scot free.

Gyalist

disgruntled09 wrote: »

Plain and simple ...

What would you do if your boyfriend told you that you irritate the hell out of him and make his blood boil?

Some info - together 5 years, live together 3 and a half years, have 21 month old.

Not even the most abject and grovelling apology would make me stay with someone who spoke to me like that. In case it's not quite clear, the guy is telling you that he hates your guts. Apart from anything else, you a doing your child a huge disservice by allowing it to grow up in such a toxic atmosphere.

Take immediate steps to get your own place where you and your child could live in a more conducive atmosphere, and get legal advice on access and child support.

disgruntled09

Gyalist wrote: »

In case it's not quite clear, the guy is telling you that he hates your guts.

I was wondering if anyone would say that as that is exactly what i took from what he said to me

LBD

God some people are pigs.....I feel for you

You seem to know what you have to do I just hope you can find the courage to do so for you and your baby.

Gyalist

disgruntled09 wrote: »

I was wondering if anyone would say that as that is exactly what i took from what he said to me

That is what he means but by expressing it as "you irritate the hell out of him and make his blood boil", he is putting the responsibility for his anger on you.

jessiejam

He wont get away scot free. Believe me it will come around to him one day and bite him in the ass. After all you are going to be waking up to your son every day and seeing his face. He will be missing out on that.
Also the reason he broke up with her in the first place will probably show its face again or until he moves onto the next girl. Even better she might go off with someone behind his back and give him a taste of his own medicine.

Redpunto

disgruntled09 wrote: »

The basics of it are that 5 weeks before our baby arrived i found out he was having an affair with his ex (who he has a 7 year old with). This continued until the baby was 5 months. We've never really got back on track since. We get on for maybe 3 / 4 days and then fight for 2 weeks.

QUOTE]

He had an affair while you your pregnant with his child and then when the child was young and you are still with him?

WHY? And now hes being insulting, how much crap are you willing to take from him before you tell him where to go?

LegacyUser

disgruntled09 wrote: »

Seems like karma for me while he gets off scot free.

People like that never get off scot free, believe me. Unhappiness is their reality, and to sate their unhappiness, they make life hell for other people. Your partner is making life hell for you, you're accepting it. Relationships should never be as difficult as the relationship you've just described.

It's your decision whether you want to be happy or not-if you want to be unhappy, stay with him. If you want to be happy, leave him.