despair

LegacyUser

i don't know where to start or how to accurately describe how i'm feeling. basically i think i'm sort of depressed. i think a lot of my problems orginate from stuff that happened in my childhood (bullying). i've tried so hard to overcome these problems and i have to some degree but they always come back to haunt me. i feel really tired now of fighting.....i just want to give up. i'm not going to kill myself as i know it would cause immense suffering to my family but i'd rather not be here.

i look at other peoples lives and i'm terribly envious of them......their relationships, careers, confidence. i can't envisage a bright future for myself. i honestly think i will live out the rest of my days miserable, bitter and alone. i also feel like i've missed out a lot on life....the funny thing is i actually have all the tools to make a good life but i just can't seem to use them to my advantage which is probably the biggest frustration of all.

i think i've become somewhat damaged from my past......probably permanently and maybe i should just accept that i will not be able to enjoy the good things in life that other people have. i think this is what causes my depression. i'm getting older now and i used to believe that i would be able to find some sort of happiness but i think it's looking less likely.

i know people are going to tell me to speak to someone about my problems.....i already have....it has helped but it only takes me so far. i seem to go through periods where i think i'm making real progress and then i end up back tp square one. i guess the reason why i'm writing this is to see if anyone has experienced these problems and if they can relate to me

LegacyUser

You know, when I was 24 I hated my life.

I hated my job - I had only a couple of friends - had no confidence and at the time in my job, under so much pressure wanted to end it all.


10 years after the above, I am not Mr. Confident or Mr. Great Career but I have a greater understanding of myself and how I can be happier.

How about you don't speak about your problems! Focussing on them won't help. Why not try to focus on solutions? Sounds glib but when you are feeling down, thinking about all your worries and inadequacies won't help you out.


Buy two books: The Feeling Good Handbook and Awaken the Giant within (yes, it's Anthony Robbins feel good Self help book but there are some good bits in it - especially the morning questions and the life planning).

If you have cash, find yourself a good Cognitive Behavioural Therapist. Check out Self-hypnosis online and

Those will help you put the tools to good use. I am/was in the same boat as you - have it all but sometimes can't get it to work. At the mo I'm focussed on positivity. I wake up and smile at myself in the mirror for a minute before I do anything else. It fools your brain in to thinking that you're happy and it works as a way to start the day.

Then I do a short self-hypnosis session with "I can do xxxx successfully" as the topic let's say so I am starting my day feeling better... again, research that on the net.

Then I look at my goals for the day, what I want to get done, what I want to achieve

What do you get enjoyment from? Sometimes the simplest things can help. I love movies and enjoy that. I also enjoy sea sports and surf when I can. I also love drinking a decent coffee and sometimes I start my day with a cappuccino to cheers me up.

It's hard to get out of a cycle of depression but when you have some tools to untwist your thinking you find that you have been very harsh on yourself.

You cannot change the past - it's gone. It's over. To labour on it daily will do you no good.

I spent 6 months with a psychiatrist talking about issues - it never amounted to anything other than me realising "hang on, I need to take responsibility for my thoughts and behaviours"....

Sometimes I feel like I'm back to square 1 but to be honest, you can never go all the way back - you've moved in some way forward, whether that's just having a greater understanding of where you are now, or maybe gained some insight or learned a different skill or made a new friend.

I know some of the above sound happy clappy but if that's what it takes you to get more confident then that's what it takes. That's what it takes for me.

Others may say that the "positivity" talk isn't reality but in essence, we make our own reality and if we're coming from a negative place, we need to balance that out and reduce that negativity.

If I hadn't been unconfident, I wouldn't have bottled it and quit my job 10 years ago - I wouldn;t have travelled the world ( I was escaping) and I probably would be settled with a wife and kids and house now.... it helped me to discover who I really am. It took some time but I'm glad the way things have turned out.

If at the moment you don't envisage a bright future for yourself, you won't have one.

Start envisaging that brighter future now..... get it down on paper. ... . decide on what you want out of life (And I'm not talking about The Secret) and then start working towards it..... you might never get the big house but you may find that you like yourself a lot more and that life becomes something you really enjoy.

LegacyUser

Hi op, sorry that you're feeling like this. I too have felt the clammy grasp of despair, been through a fairly traumatic time in the past few months and am finding it hard to leave it behind me. I find that having distractions helps , if you feel that you're thinking negatively maybe listening to music, write them down or even just going for a walk. I know these aren't long term solutions but I find they help. Sometimes happiness arises in the most unlikely and simple situations. I know it's hard to stay optimistic when everything appears to be crashing around you but we may as well make the best of life while we can and consider ourselves fortunate to have the privilege:)