Friend and his sexual overtness

um7y1h83ge06nx

Strange one here lads.

I knew a guy in college that was a year or two behind me. Recently we ended up in the same city together and we thought we'd become drinking partners again. Still the same guy, one thing that has changed is his sexual overtness/creepiness!

What do I mean by that? Well, he's very overt and talks about sex alot. Now talking about sex alot and being a bit crude with the lads is grand, but he doesn't seem to tone it down in front of women at all!

For instance, we were at a bbq lately and one of his friends had a girl in a skirt sitting on his lap. My friend (we'll call him Bart) says straight out "Go check there man and see if she's wearing any knickers"!! :eek: Now in fairness she was good looking and had a short skirt on, so I may have been THINKING something along those lines, but my god, I naturally enough wouldn't dream of saying anything!

Another night we were at Bart's place and one of the girls he lives with was there as well (They have had casual sex every now and again). They were sitting together on one couch and me on another. She gives him a hug and he says "Do you want a kiss?". She replied no and Bart just said "Alright why don't we just fcuk then"! Now whatever about the overtness, 99% of girls would not sleep with a guy if they were so blunt about things in front of another guy whom she doesn't really know!

Now I'm certainly no prude, am very comfortable with my sexuality and certainly enjoy sex but this is just creepy! And when we're out socially I have to try hard not to be creepy by association. He does manage to get girls (albeit slightly strange ones weirdly enough ) but he really seems to have no idea about the vast, vast majority of women!

Recently we both went through break-up so maybe he's affected by his (We only started hanging out again after the break-ups so I can't judge).

So how can I approach the subject and tell him to calm down a bit and cop on?

LegacyUser

Oh just tell him to cop on to himself and stop being such a fcuking knob.

um7y1h83ge06nx

True, I completely agree. It's how to tell him to stop acting the knob is the issue.

Do I just come straight out and risk him somehow getting offended or do I try and be more tactful.

And yes I think anyone would agree he is acting the knob.

Maguined

Different strokes for different folks, if thats how he wants to live his life then just sit back and let him, he is not directly hurting anyone, he may offend some people but if that is his choice then so be it.

Would you be fine if he sat you down to have a quiet chat and told you that he thinks you need to stop acting so prudish and repressed and need to let loose more? Chances are you would just tell him you are fine with the way you are.

um7y1h83ge06nx

True, I guess I've leave him be.

Although that comment at the BBQ, you really had to be there. Everyone just stopped and wondered what the fcuk. The poor girl herself was mortified, and didn't know what to do. Heard later that she went off to a bedroom with one of the others girls crying. Not cool. It's one thing to whisper that among the lads (being the lads), another thing to say it straight out to a dozen plus people (some you don't even know) including the girl herself.

As I said I'm most certainly not a prude and would be confident I've had more sexual encounters than him, but there should be some line that a person shouldn't cross. My ex and I were out with him one night and at the end of the night she told me not to leave her alone with him in a room ever.

For his own sake, he'd want to be careful (and I'm saying that as a friend). If she had a boyfriend and he was there he could have got a box.

Not exactly ideal as a single guy to be going on the beer with some-one that acts like repellent to the vast majority of women! Think I'll just head out with him whenever I'm not in the mood to go on the pull!

cafecolour

There's a difference between not being a prude and giving off predatory rapist vibes!

He seems to have no sense of appropriate audience. I was saying horribly obscene things to my mate last night. We take the piss out of each other all the time and part of the 'game' between us. Had I said the same to a stranger, I'd gotten punched.

You're not comfortable hanging out with him acting like this. It seems your options are either just to leave him be and stop hanging out with him, or ask him to tone it while you're around.

Curry Addict

tbh this guy sounds like he has a great sense of humour. quick witted, ballsy and naughty. but thats just my opinion!

Wagon

Leave him be. Some lads don't give a toss and if he gets a box for his troubles, its his own fault.

Maguined

cafecolour wrote: »

There's a difference between not being a prude and giving off predatory rapist vibes!

Predatory rapist? really ? come on that is a gross exaggeration, call him a dick head or an asshole or anything like that but likening his sense of humour even if crude and obnoxious to a predatory rapist is just nonsense.

coffee_cake

Jaxen Sparse Carpet wrote: »

True, I completely agree. It's how to tell him to stop acting the knob is the issue.

Do I just come straight out and risk him somehow getting offended or do I try and be more tactful.

And yes I think anyone would agree he is acting the knob.

Next time there's a "wtf" moment just spit it out - "wtf?"
Don't build up to it or take him aside, just say it when he's acting like an idiot

cafecolour

Maguined wrote: »

Predatory rapist? really ? come on that is a gross exaggeration, call him a dick head or an asshole or anything like that but likening his sense of humour even if crude and obnoxious to a predatory rapist is just nonsense.

I was primarily responding to the OP posting this:

Jaxen Sparse Carpet wrote: »

My ex and I were out with him one night and at the end of the night she told me not to leave her alone with him in a room ever.

Same with making a girl cry(!) with a remark. It seems like the OP's friend is coming off as creepy and a bit dangerous rather than crude and humourous. Maybe it's his vibe, or maybe just can't deliver a joke with the correct intonation, so it seems serious rather than bawdy.

I can have a very dark and crude sense of humour. My mate has the same, and we rip the piss out of each other. I've literally said things like "I will anally rape you in your sleep" to him (and he's my flatmate mind you) - we obviously have that sort of repartee, and can deliver these things in a joking manner. Same line delivered to a new flatmate, even in a joking manner, but especially with the wrong emphasis, and I'd be looking for a new flatmate right quick.

Nevyn

Call him on it, ever time he makes a comment which is out of line, say dude thats not cool or something like that.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Next time, tell him in a half-joking way that he sounds like a 13-year-old. If he's worht his salt he'll get the message.

Milk & Honey

Avoid him! I know a few guys like that. They cause nothing but trouble and get a bad name for anyone who hangs around with them. There have been countless occasions when I have been asked if I know them, followed by a tirade about something vulgar they said or did on a previous occasion.