Want to finish with boyfriend, but don't...

LegacyUser

I'm having a serious dilemma.

I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 22. We've been together for about 2 years and 10 months and to be honest I'm sick of him.

When it comes to our relationship, he's lazy, he doesn't make an effort, I have to initiate any form of communication or sex and I have to organise things for us to do.

We're both working but living apart, and moving in together isn't an option at the moment.

He's a psycho when he drinks, he has a serious agro problem in general and he's emotionally very immature. I can't turn to him with any problems that I might be having and I can't talk to him about our own relationship because he just shrugs everything off.

All things considered, I do love him and he's my best friend, but we're getting to a stage now where I don't want to talk to him and I don't feel that the spark is there anymore, so much so that although I am vehemently anti-cheating, I feel that if I were to be chatted up somewhere, I don't know how far I would let it go given that I am feeling so unsatisfied and unloved in my own relationship.

Thinking about breaking up with him really upsets me, I can't imagine living my life without him, but we're going nowhere in the relationship and I'm sick to my teeth of doing everything and getting nothing back other than "Grand".

Help!!

oldwan

if you have a wart long enough you get used to it, when its gone for a couple of days you think 'oh look, thats where my wart used to be!!'

its real tough, but in the long run you know whats best for you!

good friends are what you need to help you through

m@cc@

If you don't break up with him now, you'll end up not only breaking up with him later but also resenting him. Worse still, if you are even entertaining the thought of cheating because you're in an unhappy relationship, that's going to reflect badly on you.

You're only 21, you are far too young to get that deeply entrenched in an unhappy relationship (not that there is a particular age to do that). If you really want to keep him as a friend, honesty is the best policy. He won't thank you for living a sham.

ManOfMystery

dontknowwhatiwant2 wrote: »

I'm having a serious dilemma.

I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 22. We've been together for about 2 years and 10 months and to be honest I'm sick of him.

I almost stopped reading at this point .................... is there really much more to be said?

A partner is meant to be there to enrich your life in some way. Make you happier, make you feel loved, make you feel more secure, make you more adventurous, make you have more fun.

It's easy to slip into a routine where NONE of the above are being satisfied, yet you still meander on because it's too hard to break up. The reality is, although a breakup is difficult, staying in a dying relationship is just the same - but it happens slowly over a longer period.

Your boyfriend is obviously not doing it for you so maybe it's time for you to strike out on your own.

LittleBook

dontknowwhatiwant2 wrote: »

I'm sick of him
He's lazy, he doesn't make an effort
I have to initiate any form of communication or sex
I have to organise things for us to do.
He's a psycho when he drinks
He has a serious agro problem in general
He's emotionally very immature
I can't turn to him with any problems that I might be having
I can't talk to him about our own relationship
I don't want to talk to him
I don't feel that the spark is there anymore,
I am feeling so unsatisfied and unloved in my own relationship
I'm sick to my teeth of doing everything and getting nothing back other than "Grand".
We're going nowhere in the relationship

I'm sorry but I don't see the dilemma. Re-read your post, decide what to do and know that breaking up is hard but not impossible. Good luck.

greenprincess

I think it sounds like you want to break up with him.

shellyboo

I don't see any vague flicker of a reason for you to stay. Lose the dead weight and move on with your life! You'll be much happier. Don't stay in a relationship for the sake of it.

Butterfly89

Okay this is so strange, your story is literally identical to my best friend.
She is a great girl that is mad about her boyf, they were so good together for the first around year and a half I'd say. Now he just treats her like cr*p the way your boyf does to you - won't make an effort to see her, when she does go to his house she usually spends her time alone as he is watching the footie with his dad or friends, he's so aggressive when he's drinking, etc, etc.

So needless to say, I know exactly where you are in this relationship. I have to tell you I really think you should get out of the relationship. You're far too young to be wasting your time on someone who clearly doesn't realize what they have in you. I understand why you don't want to - you remember the old days when things were brilliant and now that you've been with him so long, you can't imagine life without him. Fact is, you can have a life without him, a very exciting one. Us women always do this to ourselves - stay in a relationship we don't want to be in just because it's easier then dealing with a crying/shouting match over breaking up, and we've just become comfortable with the situation. Do not fall into this trap Op, let go of the relationship now and move on with your life. 21 should be a fun age meeting new people, not cooped up with someone who couldn't be bothered making an effort to appreciate you.
Good luck xx