Ouch

LegacyUser

Hi. Not really sure what can be adviced here but if you can give some, it would be appreciated.

So basically, I'm a girl who knows this guy for about a year. In the last few months, we have become really good friends. However, I started to get feelings for him. I thought I'd get over it in a few weeks, it's just normal. That's not the case at all. Instead I found myself falling for him...badly. I'm fairly sure (but not entirely) the feelings aren't returned and I know I should get over him, but I can't! Believe me, I've tried but trying to convince myself that I don't like him as anything more than a good friend seems to suck the energy and life out of me.

Today, I seen him talking and laughing and flirting with this other girl. It hurt considerably and I know that things have gotten too far with regards to feelings. What should I do? I'm at a loss

LegacyUser

Tell him how you feel.... yeah I know, terrifying and easier said than done. Life is short, too short not to try. You don't know for sure how he feels but if you don't take the chance then you might never know and depending on how long these feelings you're having last it will just eat away at you and eventually really hurt if he meets somebody else.

Even if he says no, then at least you'll have your answer and believe me it'll be a lot easier to start moving on then.

And just to give you some hope... some of us guys feel that when we get ourselves into the "friend zone" that we can't get ourselves out of it again, so we never try and we never say anything. So you don't know, maybe he feels the same but doesn't act that way.

So give it a shot, if he's anyway decent then he'll let you down easy and still be your friend.... and who knows, maybe you'll get what you want. Like I said, life's too short not to try.

G-Money

Sorry to hear that OP. Unrequited love is a f****r and should be illegal in my book. You will really only know for sure how he feels about you if you tell him you like him. I would advise holding back a bit though and I wouldn't go in all guns blazing telling him that you've fallen for him and stuff.

If you do make a move, I guess there's a possibility it might not work and things could be awkward. It will also be difficult, but not impossible to maintain any existing friendship that the two of you had.

Having said that, I've said on here many times that you should only agree to just being friends if you are genuinely ok with that. If you aren't, then you need a period of no contact in order to get past him.

I can relate a little to your situation in that there's a girl I fancy like mad but who completely blanked me when I tried to say hello. It's annoying as I still fancy her like mad but she doesn't deserve it. Obviously it's not the same situation as you, but I can see where you are coming from.

When I'm trying to get past someone, I often think of their bad points. Their negative traits and stuff I'd perhaps overlooked when I liked them. I'd then focus completely on these things to the point where I'd be glad I wasn't with them as I wouldn't want to have to put up with those things.

Good luck anyway.

LegacyUser

OP here. Unfortuantly, I work in a job which requires me to be in almost constant contact with him. If it was awkward then it would be very hard to work and I don't particularly want to ruin our friendship over it, especially since we are so close. I have a feeling looking at his negative traits would do that. My 2 other friends (girls) don't like him at all (long story) so I could listen to them but it would be hard not to be dragged down by them and end up not liking him, even as a friend..

buswankers

Sorry to hear how your feeling.....makes it all the harder when u have to have constant contact with him.....that kinda sucks!
Not sure what to tell u to do with regards to telling him how u feel....as in if i thought my feelings weren't reciprocated not sure id ever b able 2 muster the courage to tell the guy how i felt - hats off if you can do that!

Definitely agree with grandmaster in that thinking of someone's bad points is the best thing to do if trying 2 get over someone....i just think of any little things that may have annoyed me about them & then tell myself there's no way id've been able 2 put up with that on a constant basis - so much better off without them !! Dont think this will affect your ability to like him as a friend - i mean if you've gotten this close to him he cant be as bad as your mates think...tho im also unsure as to whether you'll ever really be able to get over him without finding out first whether he feels the same way?!

oldwan

why would you try to think about is bad points??

maybe the two of you could be really good together, your dismissing things before there is any chance of anything happening!!

just chance it, dont wait till your drunk! just ask him someday if he would like to go for a drink, get something to eat, make it obvious you mean you and him, see how it goes!!

if it doesnt go well, then go with the bad points thing!!

good luck, i wish you loads of happiness

LegacyUser

Oh it is so hard to feel this way about a friend, and we still all do it dont we...Im going through the same thing...except my friend is GAY...sad I know...but we got so close over the last year, work together, socialise you name it...and when we met he said he was bi...but turns out he just wasnt comfortable saying he was gay. Anyway he gave me all the signs he liked me....and I am not a stupid person, I would be emotionally very intelligent...However I couldnt stop myself for falling for him....I did kind of tell him how I felt and he said he felt something for me, but it was going nowhere, anyway I switched my feelings off as best I could, and we are still very good friends...maybe to close....according to everyone...and my friends dont think its good for me...I know they are right..

Although I felt silly telling him how I felt we are even closer now, and I love the fact that he loves me for me, as a friend..and nothing else...

But look anyway, if you like this guy tell him, you will be a long time waiting otherwise, and he could start dating another girl...Just wondering is there any reason why you feel that he doesnt feel the same way...have you gotten a vibe? does he flirt with you etc??

Best of luck..

wrote: »

Hi. Not really sure what can be adviced here but if you can give some, it would be appreciated.

So basically, I'm a girl who knows this guy for about a year. In the last few months, we have become really good friends. However, I started to get feelings for him. I thought I'd get over it in a few weeks, it's just normal. That's not the case at all. Instead I found myself falling for him...badly. I'm fairly sure (but not entirely) the feelings aren't returned and I know I should get over him, but I can't! Believe me, I've tried but trying to convince myself that I don't like him as anything more than a good friend seems to suck the energy and life out of me.

Today, I seen him talking and laughing and flirting with this other girl. It hurt considerably and I know that things have gotten too far with regards to feelings. What should I do? I'm at a loss