should I end it?

LegacyUser

I`m probably older than most of you guys here but I still want your opinion on this.
I`m a guy in my late 40`s. I`ve been in a very long term relationship which has basically fizzled out now but still ongoing.
Recently ( a few weeks) I`ve met a woman online who is my ideal partner in every way, we`ve done as much as possible online but have not met as she is in another country.
Now here is my question, last nite she told me she had slept with about 30 guys (she has been married twice with one child from each and still unhappily married now), then this morning she emailed me telling me she reviewed the number downward to 12 including both husbands.
I have only ever had one sexual partner, my presesnt one and find it quite a setback to suddenly be faced with someone with such a track record.
I know the average nowadays is about 6 or 7 but I find it hard to swallow if I`m going to commit to someone, what I mean is if they gave it up so easily whats to stop them doing it whilst with me?
Maybe it`s just an age thing?
Should I be concerned?
Thanks guys.

Whispered

You're in a relationship, but it has fizzled out?

You met this woman only a few weeks ago, but you know she is a more suitable partner than your long term partner?

Have I read that right - you are still in a relationship, she is married and there are children involved. Yet your problem is that she has slept with too many people. Really?

LegacyUser

Whispered wrote: »

You're in a relationship, but it has fizzled out?

You met this woman only a few weeks ago, but you know she is a more suitable partner than your long term partner?

Have I read that right - you are still in a relationship, she is married and there are children involved. Yet your problem is that she has slept with too many people. Really?

OP here..eh.. yes that is basically what I posted.
My relationship is on the rocks and hers is too that is probably why we met online but my question still remains.

Whispered

I just wanted to be sure before I thought badly of you and the woman you are considering an affair with.

If she's a married woman with children and she's having an affair with a man who is in a relationship and has slept with "12" people over the course of her marriages then I think the answer to your question is yes. You should end it. She sounds like a slapper and wont treat you with any more respect than she has her previous partners.

You should also end it with your long term partner, you'd have an affair because it has "fizzled" out. End it if you're not happy. Just be careful this isn't some type of midlife crisis. ~The fact you got to know this woman over the internet only a few weeks ago and you're already saying she's perfect for you in every way would point to this being nothing more than a bit of escapism from a dull and worn relationship.
I would imagine that the fact she sees no problem with sleeping around or having an affair despite being married would not bode well for the future of a relationship with her. After a few weeks you could not possibly know she is perfect for you in every way.

Your relationship in on the rocks you say. Do yourself and your partner a favour and end it if you're not happy. Don't be so cruel as to stay with her while waiting for somthing else to come up.

cafecolour

You sound like you're falling awfully hard for someone you don't really know. It wouldn't be the number of people that concerns me, more her suddenly 'revising' it from 30 to 12. It'd make me wonder if she's been trying to tell you what she thinks you want to hear all along.

I'd second ending it with your current partner now (is she aware it's 'fizzled out'?). Living on your own even for a while might help you get your bearings. The more secure you are at being single, the better off you'll be at finding a lasting relationship, and not jumping into the first thing that comes along.

LegacyUser

Internet affair wrote: »

I`m probably older than most of you guys here but I still want your opinion on this.
I`m a guy in my late 40`s. I`ve been in a very long term relationship which has basically fizzled out now but still ongoing.

If it's fizzled out end it properly. Don't string along your partner as a safety net. Thats extremely unfair.

Internet affair wrote: »

Recently ( a few weeks) I`ve met a woman online who is my ideal partner in every way, we`ve done as much as possible online but have not met as she is in another country.

Hold on....you've NEVER met and yet you believe she is yoru ideal partner in every way?
Look, your story is so common, people online can come accross/put themselves accross as anything you want to hear. Don't be suprised if you discover half the stuff she told you is complete fabrication. Don't take everything at face value.

Internet affair wrote: »

Now here is my question, last nite she told me she had slept with about 30 guys (she has been married twice with one child from each and still unhappily married now), then this morning she emailed me telling me she reviewed the number downward to 12 including both husbands.

You see? A case in point, the goalposts are moving already. The 'truth' is a vague concept with online lovers.

Internet affair wrote: »

I have only ever had one sexual partner, my presesnt one and find it quite a setback to suddenly be faced with someone with such a track record.

Look, I'm not slagging you off here but you sound kind of gullible. One partner and you are nearly 50. Nothing wrong with it but it's quite unusual. I'm 40 and well lets just multiply 30 by 3 maybe. Her figure (supposing she is maybe 40?) is very, very conservative indeed IF she is telling the truth.

Internet affair wrote: »

I know the average nowadays is about 6 or 7 but I find it hard to swallow if I`m going to commit to someone, what I mean is if they gave it up so easily whats to stop them doing it whilst with me?
Maybe it`s just an age thing?
Should I be concerned?
Thanks guys.

lol 6 or 7.....right.

You're in a relationship, so is she. She lives abroad, You've never met. You think 12-30 partners for a woman is ....well I dunno ...a 'track record' and given up easily. Sure even if she has been with 30, say she is 40 and sexual maturity is 17, that is LESS THAN ONE PARTNER A YEAR.

You should be far more concerned at how naive you are being thinking you found the perfect partner on the web, who lives in another country with her HUSBAND and has 2 kids.

I don't know if you have kids/property or have even told your other half about what you are up to but your penpals number of lovers is the least of your worries!

seenitall

No, don't end it - end your marriage instead.

You ideal internet woman honestly sounds perfect for you, and really, what is 12 or 30 past partners if she is your ideal?

The two of you sound perfect for each other, and I would hurry up with the breaking up of families and setting up home together if I were you. Such a special bond has all the hallmarks of growing into a successful relationship!

The best of luck with it!

Miss Fluff

Internet affair wrote: »

I`ve met a woman online

Contradiction in terms. You haven't met the woman so you don't know her. Very easy to take on an alter-ego online and VERY easy to portray oneself in a very very favourable light. I can't actually believe that you are prepared to end a LTR for someone you don't actually know from Adam.

And if you're not comfortable knowing how many people a potential partner has slept with then don't ask them. Quite simple really.

Cheap Thrills!

Internet affair wrote: »

I`m probably older than most of you guys here but I still want your opinion on this.
I`m a guy in my late 40`s. I`ve been in a very long term relationship which has basically fizzled out now but still ongoing.
Recently ( a few weeks) I`ve met a woman online who is my ideal partner in every way, we`ve done as much as possible online but have not met as she is in another country.
Now here is my question, last nite she told me she had slept with about 30 guys (she has been married twice with one child from each and still unhappily married now), then this morning she emailed me telling me she reviewed the number downward to 12 including both husbands.
I have only ever had one sexual partner, my presesnt one and find it quite a setback to suddenly be faced with someone with such a track record.
I know the average nowadays is about 6 or 7 but I find it hard to swallow if I`m going to commit to someone, what I mean is if they gave it up so easily whats to stop them doing it whilst with me?
Maybe it`s just an age thing?
Should I be concerned?
Thanks guys.

Wow....OP.......don't delude yourself.

You don't know anything about her except what she's told you. And she can tell you anything she likes. So, like I said, you know nothing about her.

She just changed her story to seem more goody goody so chances are she has just been feeding you whatever you wanted to hear all the way along.

Also two failed marriages, it doesn't bode well. Well at least one, she is still in the second. Don't tell me....they don't sleep together and her last husband was violent/stalked her/obsessed yada yada *insert internet romance cliche*

If I was you I would deal properly with your real relationship. It is not fair to your wife/partner that you remain in a relationship with her any more. Formalise a separation and move forward with your life in the real world.

einsam

Perhaps some of you are being a bit harsh on the OP. Yes, he sounds gullible, or vunerable. You didn't tell us why the relationship with your other half fizzled out, is she rejecting you? Maybe if you put some effort into rekindling what you have in front of you, and stop fantasing about your internet friend, life could be much better.I'm also in my forties, and was in a stale relationship. I know how easy it is to look for comfort elswhere, instead my wife and I spoke about both our issues, and where we were both going wrong. A lot of it was hurtful for us both to hear, but we decided to work on our relationship instead of throwing away what we have.3 months on and we've made huge strides in the right direction. Things are still hard and hurtful, but that's life.Focus on the real problems, and not imaginary solutions.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies.
I appreciate all your opinions and will take them on board.
Most of the posts are confirming what is basically niggling me about this situation.