I'm really going to do something serious

LegacyUser

Ok, I really, really like this girl I have been thinkin about her all the time now, I have even pictured marrying and having kids with this women. I know her brother very well and I am always fishing for information and I am always really intrested in finding out what she is upto, I even hate not knowing how she is.

First question do you think this is love?

She has a boyfriend now and they are very serious, They have been out together about a year now and I have been waiting for it to end but it just doesnt look like it's going to anytime soon and it is really affecting me now. I just can't get over her i have really tried

second question What would you do if you were in this situation?

I really need advice here people.

LegacyUser

No it's not love... It's infatuation. Youve said you find out how she is and what shes doing through other people, which i'd take to mean you have no real relationship with this girl (correct me if I'm wrong).

Love is different, and I genuinely believe you have to be a regular part of somebodys life to fall in love with them, love at first sight and unrequited love are usually just infatuation.... and I say this from experience, you realise after you move on what the difference between the two is.

If shes in a serious longterm relationship and she's happy, then leave her be, it wont end well for you. For starters its difficult to jump from one relationship to another, and secondly (judging purely by what you wrote) chances are she has no idea you feel this way and isn't going to walk away from a relationship for somebody she doesn't have feelings for or doesn't really have any existing relationship with (other than you're her brothers friend).

Life is cruel like that, it can hurt like hell, believe me I know... but you'll move on.


(All of the above is based on how I interpreted what you wrote, perhaps I'm completely wrong and you do speak to this girl all the time and feel theres something between you.)

krudler

i dont know what to do wrote: »

Ok, I really, really like this girl I have been thinkin about her all the time now, I have even pictured marrying and having kids with this women. I know her brother very well and I am always fishing for information and I am always really intrested in finding out what she is upto, I even hate not knowing how she is.

First question do you think this is love?

She has a boyfriend now and they are very serious, They have been out together about a year now and I have been waiting for it to end but it just doesnt look like it's going to anytime soon and it is really affecting me now. I just can't get over her i have really tried

second question What would you do if you were in this situation?

I really need advice here people.

Stop obsessing over a taken woman and find a single girl you'd be happy with? Sitting around wishing someone would break up with their partner in the hope they get together with you isnt healthy, its also a bit creepy tbh.

m@cc@

i dont know what to do wrote: »

I really need advice here people.

i dont know what to do wrote: »

Really gonna do somthing serious

If this is true, you should seek professional advice.

Silverfish

OP, can you elaborate on what you mean by 'something serious'?

LegacyUser

Sorry I should have been more clear earlier. By my 'somthing serious' comment I meant that I am afraid that I might hurt myself. I have been suffering for terrible depression lately and somedays I just don't even want to get out of bed. I have even contemplated suicide, It's gotten that bad. This women has been on my mind a lot lately. She only lives across the road from me which doesnt help matters. Even people that I work with have said they have noticed a change in my mood lately, they said i seem very unhappy. While I have been going through this I have always tried to hide it and even smile when I really just wanna cry but it's gotten so bad that even the people I work with have noticed.

What can I do about this? It is really starting to affect my life.

Victor

While infatuation can be difficult, can I suggest that you talk to your GP and explain what you've said here? There is no need to be depressed or to have your life impaired.

LegacyUser

Hi OP
It sounds like in the midst of your depression thinking about this woman has become a distraction from the darkness but in doing so has been built up in your head into an infatuation / obsession. Are you getting help for the depression? I imagine if the depression was treated and you had more activities that you were involved in and other thoughts to feel good about other than fantasizing about this woman, that slowly the feelings you have would fade. I don't think it is your infatuation causing the depression but the other way around.
It is really easy when depressed for your thoughts to get distorted. Please seek help OP and if you are, go back to your GP / Counselor and let them know you are really struggling. And try to stop asking her brother about her, as much as it is a positive for you you are also torturing yourself.
Take care

Cheap Thrills!

Hey OP, Get along to your GP and tell him/her what you've said here. You sound depressed and also as if you are approaching obsession in the way you are thinking about this girl, its not healthy.

You sound as if you are very low, its not good to be snooping on her movements. You are getting into bad territory there.

Write down a few points that you've outlined here and bring it to the doctor so you're able to express it properly in case you are nervous.

Loads of people get down, the important thing is to focus on feeling better. You need help from your Doctor to do that.

Otherwise you will end up harming yourself or scaring this girl, or both.

LegacyUser

Thanks for these replys it's great to get other people opinions on this.

Just so you know I have not recieved any help for this. A friend of mine suffers really bad from depression and she is the only one that I have taken advice from, Infact apart from the people who replied to this topic she is the only one that really knows what I am going through.

She also told me to seek help, At the time I thought that going to a doctor for this was a bit sad but I really think I need the help now my situation isnt getting any better.

LegacyUser

I was in somewhat similar situation OP, its all in the head. See a shrink if you can and don't be afraid to let it all out, all of it. When you talk to someone you'd be amazed how it breaks it down etc.