Anger Problem

LegacyUser

I'm not sure where to start with this but I'll give it a go anyway. I suppose I'm looking for support or advice from people who have been in the same situations.

I think I have an anger problem. No, I know I have. I have had for years, probably since I can remember, but lately for some reason it's becoming more intense and seems to take over on a daily basis. I let the tiniest frustrations turn into really major issues, it's like I feel this switch go off inside me and all of a sudden I have this rage bubbling under the surface which is completely and utterly disproportionate to what has triggered it. I totally shock my partner with my outbursts, which can range from vitriolic screaming outbursts to long, drawn out silences or grudges. When it kicks off it's like i can literally feel the anger bubbling in my chest, my heart starts to thunder, I get breathless and get a huge adrenaline surge out of almost nowhere.

I know I sound awful and I never really thought too much about this until I started typing but it's like a have a huge ball of energy inside me and it erupts at the smallest thing. I can be in the greatest mood ever, I can even promise myself that I won't let anything set me off for a day, and then all of a sudden something will happen and I'll flip out and lose all control, to the extent that I want to throw things and scream and punch walls (I don't do these things but I feel like I need to to release the rage).

I don't know what's causing this. I have no real stress in my life other than the normal ones. I had a wonderful childhood with a loving family and I have a fantastic OH (I don't know how though). Basically there's no outward reason for all of this anger and it frightens me that I'm capable of such outbursts. I've never punched or slapped anyone or gotten violent but I have incredible urges to when I get really really angry (it's like my fists actually itch to punch something) and it's all I can do to control myself. I can't seem to give up or calm down until I feel someone has borne the brunt of it and I find it really difficult to put it behind me for the rest of the day.

I get these really intense feelings of righteousness, like I'm always right and the other person is always wrong and I lose all sense of reason. To be honest it's pretty scary and lately I'm losing control over it.

The worst thing is, I don't act like this in public or at work but I do take it out on the people closest to me which is a really horrible thing to do. My OH bears the worst of it by far. Everyone who knows me would agree I'm "fesity" - the polite term for hot headed and temperamental - and that I would have a short fuse. But few people have seen the real extent of my anger and its potential.

I know that this will destroy my partner and my relationship if I don't take care of it and god forbid if I ever had kids down the line I would never want to expose them to this.

I suppose I'd like to hear from others who have been through this, the help they've sought, if it worked or not, how they cope etc. I know I'll have to seek professional help anyway but it'd be nice to have some words of wisdom. I'm female by the way, if that makes any difference.

Thanks for reading.

Taltos

Hi OP.

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

Few things though.
Normal Stress > Day to day life can be really stressful - it could be that you no longer see just how bad it is as you think you are coping.

Coping > right now you are coping though by lashing out at those you love. As much as they love you a few things might happen here
> they walk away.
> they stay and come to resent and hate you
> they stay and their self-esteem suffers so much you come to hate them
> they stay and 5 yrs down the line you are both slutting around looking for an escape...
> long term this may also really badly affect your health...

This really is something serious that you need to tackle, the key word here being you.
You could try
> finding an outlet for this pent up rage - a very active sport...
> learn to identify the triggers and stop yourself
> try meditation or deep breathing exercises - when you feel that ball build learn to disperse it.
> seek counselling - basically you may just need to relearn how to effectively deal with negative emotions / stress. It might also help you identify the causes so that your family / friends can in turn learn how not to set you off - but this does NOT mean it is their fault, but they can learn how to behave so that you do not escalate...

LegacyUser

Thank you for replying to me. What you say makes sense I guess - I mentioned not having much stress in my life but over the last year I've been ill a lot - long term, non serious illnesses which are nevertheless painful and stressful so that has probably built up slowly.

I have always had anger issues but lately it feels like they're more and more out of control. I barely recognise myself sometimes when I kick off and it's almost like I'm watching myself from another part of the room. It's like an attack of sorts - something that physically takes over that I can't stop.

You're definitely right about the exercise and it's something I don't do enough. Getting out and running/playing sports may relieve some of the massive built up tension I feel which explodes at the smallest instance.

Ultimately though I think I need to get help or do a course to learn to control it.

Thanks for taking the time to help.

Shivers26

My OH did an anger management course about a year ago through Access Counselling in Crumlin. He actually found it very enjoyable and helpful. It doesnt fix your problems overnight but it helps you become more self aware, spot your triggers and techniques to calm yourself if you can feel yourself getting angry.

Good luck! I know its not an easy thing to deal with but well done on asking for help/advice. The first step is the hardest.