trip away with friends...and with the ex?? Awkward

LegacyUser

Broke up with the bf a month ago, and for good reason. Even though he messed up, I still feel friendly towards him and I know he's a good guy. We haven't seen eachother for the month but have had a couple of phone-calls which were friendly enough although he's made it clear he wants me back, misses me etc. I'm not really in the frame of mind where I'd be getting back with him, we were together for nearly 3 years. The break up was hard at first but getting easier now that I have more of my own life in small ways.
Problem is this, a small one I know...
We have had tickets for Glastonbury festival since before break-up. Well officially I have them but he paid me for them ages ago. The plan was I was driving the camper van over to UK, like we did last year and the year before, with 4 friends. They are both his and my friends kind of.
He doesn't know anyone else going and would hardly go by himself. I offered to give him back the ticket so he could sell it or something but he looked really hurt and wouldnt take it, I think he presumed he'd still be going, or that our break up wouldnt last.
He sees the break up as temporary but I think it's permanent, although I wouldnt be 100%, I haven't figured out all my feelings yet and he really did something to deserve me breaking up with him.
I feel terrible if we go without him. He was looking forward to this since last year and it's the only time he ever goes away. (we're not exactly the kind of people that have 3 holidays a year). At the same time, ugh, how awkward! and not only that but it could be a killjoy for the rest of the gang...I think they're kind of worried that the situation will put us both in bad form.
What do ye think? Tell him not to go and be the meanest b**ch ever? Bring him and risk him getting his hopes up about a chance to get back with me?
Any tips much appreciated!! This is my big trip away I dont want it to be ruined, but I want him to have fun too...

cafecolour

unregistered wrote: »

He sees the break up as temporary but I think it's permanent, although I wouldnt be 100%, I haven't figured out all my feelings yet and he really did something to deserve me breaking up with him.

This is more the issue than anything. I think you need to make clear to him that it's permanent. In which case, it does seem a bad idea for him to come. If you go together, you'll likely end up getting drunk and sleeping together.

unregistered wrote: »

They are both his and my friends kind of.

Whose friends were they before you started dating? If they were your friends that you knows through dating you, he has no standing to go. If they were mutual friends, that's more difficult. Have you two been doing this glastonbury trip with this group before you started dating?

As an aside, I've gone to festivals a number of times alone when I've been traveling and the like, and generally had a great time. You can also find groups over the internet (perhaps even boards). He certainly could find a way to go without going with you.

Monkey61

Yeah it really comes down to whose friends they are mainly. If you didn't go for instance, would he happily go with them?

If he is hoping for a reunion it would be really unfair to go with him because that is what he is going to be thinking about and planning and will inevitably end up getting horribly upset when you are there.

I presume that with the tickets you have to show photo ID when you get there? In which case he won't be able to sell his ticket.

It also depends on why you guys broke up and how much he really wants to go to the festival. Is he going to see a bunch of his favourite bands? Or for the social occasion? If it is just for the social occasion, then I think it's okay to tell him he's not going.

Also, if you dumped him because of something he did as opposed to because you met someone else or anything that he could judge as being quite cruel, then I think it is fine for you to go without him. Had you dumped him for someone else...then I would probably say that you should give up your ticket and let him go.

LegacyUser

that's the thing...he messed up but I know it wasn't intentional and the break up had been coming a while. Really it was both of us that caused the situation and I judged that we would definitely be better people apart. Sometimes relationships can not bring out the best in people...
So that's why I feel bad. And yea, he would be looking forward to seeing a bunch of his favourite bands. We went last year and we all had such a good time, but this year will be a bit different.
he could go alone but I'm driving the van over (he can't drive, and would literally have to tag along with strangers).
The friends were my friends really, before all this, so yea I suppose it's wierd if he comes too. I get the feeling they'd rather if he didn't come, just because it might cause wierdness, but that wouldn't be a reason for me to make a decision. Ugh, what a conundrum.
And not sure if he can sell the ticket.
I could give him a lift and send him on his way when we got there but, realistically, not going to happen. Or just explain that he can come but that nothing will happen between us...
BUt then with drink etc it might and then I'd probably regret it...

Monkey61

With all that in mind OP I would tell him that either, he takes his ticket and goes completely by himself (no contact when you get there), or he doesn't go at all.

You have broken up, they are your friends, you are driving, it is perfectly reasonable for you to say that you don't want him to go with you. If the bands are that important to him he can still go (as an adult he can arrange public transport, meeting up with strangers when he gets there etc), just not with you.