Sexual Experience

LegacyUser

Hi,
Im 33(male) and Im embarressed to say that Ive only had one girlfriend in the last 18 years. And if im being really honest the last girl I was with was pretty much my only proper girlfreind over my life time. The others were when I was between the ages of 13 and 15. They were silly litttle teenage things that lasted on average 2 weeks a piece. So Im not sure they count. I was single between the ages of 15 and 30.
I met my last girlfriend when I was 30, I was still a virgn at this stage. I told her I had never had sex before and she seemed ok with that. Eventually we got around to doing the deed and I thought it went well enough. I wasnt nervous or self conscious, no performance anxieties, just complete blissful ignorance. I thought she had enjoyed the experience, she said as much. But that wasnt the case. I later found out that she hadnt enjoyed it, she said that I was very inexperienced and didnt know what I was doing. I know I was inexperienced, this much is true but I just think she was being a little harsh on me. If the situations had been reversed I wouldve been way more patient and would never have said something like the things she said. There was plenty of not nice things I couldve said in regards to her performance but I appreciated it was our first time together and we should give it time, be patient.

Anyway we broke up after 6 months and Ive been single ever since(nearly 3 years). The thing is now, Im thinking a lot about what she said in regards to my sexual performance. Before I had sex I wasnt worried at all about how I'd perform, I had this inherent confidence that once I really liked the person I was having sex with then thats all that Id need, everything would flow from that natural passion. But now I doubt myself. I havent had so much as a date in the last 3 years so Im probably putting the cart before the horse here, but Im worried as to how I'll fair if I do get another girlfriend in the near future. Im worried about my lack of experience putting somebody off or causing difficulties. Ive actually considered using prostitutes to gain practice. I dont know if I could go through with it or not though, I know on one level it'l serve a practical function but on another level its a bit sleezy. But Im not sure how else I could gain experience sexually.
So I guess thats my question: How do I gain sexual experience or even sexual knowledge, without the use of prostitutes?

KillerKity

Please don't go to a prostitute! Give yourself a break. Remember everyone is different and has different likes/dislikes when it comes to sex. When you meet a new girlfriend talk to her and get her to show you what she likes and visa versa.

Good luck!

Nevyn

There is a lot you can learn when you go look in the right places, go take a course to learn massage, go learn about female anatomy go learn how the body works, go read up as much as you can on the differny ways to stimulte the nerves and erognous zones.

Frei

Lots of books out there on sex, kama sutra, tantra and there are some high quality pornographic films online (best to stay away from the very commercial stuff, not very helpful for sexual knowledge)...the ones made by women are interesting because they concentrate on foreplay a lot more, so good for research (linky). Dodson and Ross is a very informative website for everything!

This site is great, very educational - http://www.the-clitoris.com/

Fleshlight is supposed to be a great male sex toy. Getting to know your own body is a great way to get more in tune when you have sex with someone else.


Don't worry too much about your situation, there are lots of people out there just like you. You might think that everyone is having sex all the time but the reality is, a lot of people are not. If you want to meet someone, try dating sites or joining a group for hobbies that you might like, say life drawing or creative writing? There are lots of night classes these days. Speed dating is supposed to be fun, according to some of my more outgoing friends.

Sex is not a performance, don't think that way. It was very unkind and immature of that woman to lie and tell you she enjoyed it when she didn't. If she was a mature woman she would have communicated with you about what she did/didn't like. The people who have the most enjoyable and satisfying sex lives are those who communicate with each other and tell each other about what turns them on, what they enjoy during foreplay etc. You are not a mind reader, so don't dwell on what she said. How were you supposed to know what she liked? When you do find someone, don't be afraid to ask them what they like, once you are comfortable with each other.

G-Money

Definitely don't go to a prostitute. At the very least I don't think it's going to help your performance as she's being paid to please you and to make all the right sounds at the right time.

I think you should forget about that idea and just focus on yourself. It sounds like your girlfriend was very selfish and self centered and not very patient. If she'd been anyway decent she'd have helped you get better, as lets be honest, it's not the worse thing to need to practice.

Anyway, I don't know where she gets off blaming you. She must have forgotten that it takes two people to have sex so I'd say she's every bit as much to blame herself.

Forget about her, forget about the hooker and I'm sure you'll meet someone who'll be more patient and understanding. Don't be worrying about sex if you go out on dates with girls. Most of the time, sex doesn't happen until several dates and there's no-one time limit by which you need to do it. I'm sure if you told a girl you didn't want to rush things she'd be pleased. If not, tell her to hit the road.

Good luck and don't worry, things will come good. Your ex gf sounded quite selfish and inconsiderate so it's no loss to you I don't think.

kjl

I agree with Grandmaster, Prostitutes do all the work when you go to them (from what I'm told), you just sit back and enjoy it. The fact of the matter is that everyone is bad the first time. I remember my first time I cam too early and tried to keep going, actually managed it but the rhythm must have seemed very awkward to the girl.

But with each encounter you get better and better, surely in the 6 months you were with this girl you must have picked up something.

The main thing I have learned in all my years is its all about foreplay, most guys jump the gun and try to penetrate to quickly, but if you start off slow. Start kissing from the top and make your way down. After about 5-10 min of kissing lips mouth and breasts tease her by playfully stroking around her clitoris, but not touching it. Then keep the kissing slow, keep moving down, give her a little a little head, when she starts moving her hips to your rhythm, she is about ready for you to come back up. Use your hard penis to rub around her vulva and the top of her clitoris. Then slowly penetrate. Go from slow to fast making sure that when you are deep inside her the base of you penis is rubbing against her clitoris, if this isn't happening, use your hand to gently massage no big deal.

The key is to build it up, and build it up and build it up until she can't take it anymore. There is nothing wrong with asking her is she like this or that or what feels good for her. Ask her what she likes. Also, a little tip for you, when a girl goes on top, its less sensitive for you, but more for her, so you can use alternating positions to achieve climax for both people.

Forget what that cow said, she was probably just insecure about something else, because if she was anyway a nice girl she would have encouraged you and not been so rude about the whole thing.

kiwi123

i am sure that if you went to a prostitute she would just tell you what you want to hear. Pointless!

check out some websites. A lot of porn is fake, exaggerated and completely over acted, but am sure there are some videos that are real and you could get some ideas from that. When my boyfriend and i started having sex for the first time he was the same, but he asked me to tell him what i wanted during sex and in that way we got to know what each other likes and what works. It may sound odd but when you're having sex with someone and talking to them through it, it really works!

Everyone is the same, and most people consider it exciting to find out what a person likes and doesn't like and try it out

unfortunately, you were unlucky with that girl, but it's a thing between two people, not just left to one person so make sure you don't take responsibility!

LegacyUser

Thanks everybody, your responses made me feel a lot better. And I know youre not saying what you said just to make me feel better, you all made a lot of sense. Sometimes when youre so far in you cant see the woods for the trees. Like Grandmaster said, it takes two to tango.
Everybody had something interesting to say, Frei, I thought you had some good stuff there and I'll have a look at those links when Im not in work! Kjl, wow, that was some really decriptive but excellent advice, thanks. I'll take notes. And thanks Kiwi123, what you said made a lot of sense but was also really nice and thoughtful.
I wont go to a prostitute, its not in me. I was just wondering about solutions to my problem and that seemed like a practical approach. But its just not workable, the day I pay for sex is the day its all over I guess.

polliepp

Hi OP,

Am so sorry that you such a negative experience. Please do not allow this one girl crush your confidence and make you feel bad about yourself! Maybe she commented about your lack of inexperience just to hurt you or she was looking for a way to break up with you. If the sex was so bad why did she not say something during your time together instead of lying. Sex is about two people - she had a role to play as well.

Seems like other posters have offered you great advice. I guess I would say concentrate your efforts on meeting a new girl who you like and trust. Spend time getting to know her and be honest about your insecurities and how this girl has impacted your sexual confidence. If she is a genuine girl she will understand and help you. I really don't think it takes long to become more experienced you just need to find the right girl for you.

Personally If I really liked a guy I wouldn't care about his lack of sexual experience. I know its something that can easily be worked out. I think a lot of girls would find it preferable to someone who had tons of shags under his belt.

This was just one girl's view - definetely time for a second opinion!

Best of luck OP

Sine Spe

I can't believe the girl would say that to you, how awful. It shows her level of maturity too that instead of actually showing you (which in itself can be a wonderful sensual adventure) how to improve she made a snarky remark like that. I suspect she's quite sensitive herself.

I agree with some of the previous posters. Read up on the female anatomy and interesting positions and techniques. This site is brilliant: http://www.sexinfo101.com/

Every woman is different. Men seem to think we all love certain things and it's not true at all. I'm one a few select gals that can't stand receiving oral sex! Not enough pressure! So with your next partner, ask, play, feel it out (literally and figuratively) and learn about her body. I think you'll find that in return you'll get a lot more from the experience too.

Don't let some insensitive comment cause you such anxiety. It's not worth it and you'll only suffer in the end.

And no prostitutes.

dontbemean

my boyfriend was a virgin when we met 6 months ago and he's better than all my other partners by now! All you need is enthusiasm to learn what your partner likes and be open to failure while experimenting - don't take it to heart if something doesn't work on your partner. It's really important to communicate during sex and make sure you're on the same page.

Two words, OP:

G SPOT.


Look it up.

I wouldn't recommend sleeping with prostitutes as it would be better for you to be in a loving relationship so you can be really comfortable and safe. Sex with strangers can be horribly awkward especially if you haven't much experience, you deserve more than that.

um7y1h83ge06nx

Hey OP.

I know it's easy for some-one else to say but try not to panic.

One big tip though, use plenty of teasing and foreplay.

Good forum here too, I found out a few handy tips here!:

http://www.theattractionforums.com/sex/

wasper

Is it better to read & learn about sex from a manual or actually doing it?
Your last girlfriend was an idiot. She forgot her first time.
I think it's no harm to go to a prostitute, find a good one & tell her that you are not experienced. Then be bald to use your hands to explore her. It's your time & you have paid for it.
And the next time you have a one night stand & have sex, who cares if it wasn't great for the other person. You are gaining experience & when you meet the right person then you are more relaxed & more savvy.
Good luck