Being insulted in the Street

lynsalot

Hey guys,
I know this shouldn't bother me still, but can't help still being completely shocked it happened and feeling a bit down over it.
My self and my boyfriend are both overweight. We've both been overweight since our teens. We're both doing weight watchers and have lost 1stone and a half between us in the last month. So we both want to be healthier.

On saturday night on the Luas we were insulted by two traveller girls on the luas. The girls were being chatted up by a group of lads who made it so awkward for us to sit facing them we moved. (one of the girls was sitting half on my lap from the opposite side of the seating area) When we moved they made comments about there being more room bla bla bla.

We got off the Luas early because we'd heard they were getting off at the same stop so wanted to avoid them. When we got up the street outside a pub in Dame St, 3 men were smoking. These men were in their 40s and quite drunk. As we walked past, one of them shouted "Ah two fat people holding hands" I just saw red and walked over to them. I didn't even tell my boyfriend. I walked straight up to them and asked the guy "Excuse me?" he know exactly what was up as he said "oh I wasn't talking to you" I was completely floored that grown men could act like this.

My boyfriend came over and told me to leave it and they were drunk and to walk away. I told the guy he should be ashamed and left. I just can't believe that 3 grown men could act so disgracefully. They were also quite big themselves which was the ironic thing. Not that I'd even dream of "using" that kinda thing against someone.

This is still on my mind. I walked away and got quite upset. In fact I wanted to go home but my boyfriend told me not to let it get to me. We went out in the end. I'm glad I called this guy up and clearly he was ashamed as he couldn't answer me. I just cannot believe people can be so cruel. Is this the kind of culture we live in?

I have never stood up for myself like that before but I was so mad I just saw red. I didn't care who they were. My boyfriend said he felt bad he hadn't punched one of them but he's been being ridiculed most of his life (He's quite bigger than me) I just cannot believe people should have to put up with this stuff. It kinda put a downer on an otherwise brilliant weekend.

Am I crazy to let this stuff get to me? But I'm just so so sick of this crap. I would never treat someone like that.

jellyboy

hi op..

people are like that,cruel ,selfish,but kind,warm and genrous...not all are the same...its easy to pick on sombody else ...it stops them looking at themselves and their own faults....

i have been where you were and its a horrible place..

you dont need to justify to anybody what ,who ,where u are in life....

ur big,ur trying .....and that reflects in your reaction towards the comments or precived comments people make...

Your trying your best to change somthing about you and lifsytle...and your extra open to cristicm
but my experince taught me that i needed to change my mindset and reaction towards myself ...

life is short..try not to understand the negative...

ash23

hey OP, try using your anger about those comments to fuel your drive to lose weight.

I'm a culchie lol and I went to Dublin for the day a couple of years ago. At the time I was very overweight. I was about a size 24. My weight had been bugging me for a long time but I never really did anything about it.

Anyway I was bending over to put something in my bag and some young lad roared at me saying "jaysus, don't inflict that massive arse on us, you'll scar us for life" and then turned to his mate and said "will ya look at the ten tonne Tessie, jaysus, the size of her".

I honestly don't think I've ever been so humiliated. I wanted to die of shame. I suppose it's less likely to happen in a smaller place as people know you. In a city you've anonimity and some people use that to say what they want.

Anyway, I felt sick every time I thought of what had been said.
But it spurred me into action and every time I felt like giving up I thought about that shame and got back on track.

I'm 5 stone lighter and down to a size 16 and still losing weight. It's slowed down but I'm much happier with my appearance now and in a way, while part of me wants those guys to suffer a slow and painful death lol, part of me is grateful too.

Some people are idiots but you can't dwell on it. If you were a size 8, they'd probably have still have found a reason to slag you off.

Best of luck with the weight loss OP!!!

Deus Ex Machina

lynsalot wrote: »

Hey guys,
I know this shouldn't bother me still, but can't help still being completely shocked it happened and feeling a bit down over it.
My self and my boyfriend are both overweight. We've both been overweight since our teens. We're both doing weight watchers and have lost 1stone and a half between us in the last month. So we both want to be healthier.

On saturday night on the Luas we were insulted by two traveller girls on the luas. The girls were being chatted up by a group of lads who made it so awkward for us to sit facing them we moved. (one of the girls was sitting half on my lap from the opposite side of the seating area) When we moved they made comments about there being more room bla bla bla.

We got off the Luas early because we'd heard they were getting off at the same stop so wanted to avoid them. When we got up the street outside a pub in Dame St, 3 men were smoking. These men were in their 40s and quite drunk. As we walked past, one of them shouted "Ah two fat people holding hands" I just saw red and walked over to them. I didn't even tell my boyfriend. I walked straight up to them and asked the guy "Excuse me?" he know exactly what was up as he said "oh I wasn't talking to you" I was completely floored that grown men could act like this.

My boyfriend came over and told me to leave it and they were drunk and to walk away. I told the guy he should be ashamed and left. I just can't believe that 3 grown men could act so disgracefully. They were also quite big themselves which was the ironic thing. Not that I'd even dream of "using" that kinda thing against someone.

This is still on my mind. I walked away and got quite upset. In fact I wanted to go home but my boyfriend told me not to let it get to me. We went out in the end. I'm glad I called this guy up and clearly he was ashamed as he couldn't answer me. I just cannot believe people can be so cruel. Is this the kind of culture we live in?

I have never stood up for myself like that before but I was so mad I just saw red. I didn't care who they were. My boyfriend said he felt bad he hadn't punched one of them but he's been being ridiculed most of his life (He's quite bigger than me) I just cannot believe people should have to put up with this stuff. It kinda put a downer on an otherwise brilliant weekend.

Am I crazy to let this stuff get to me? But I'm just so so sick of this crap. I would never treat someone like that.

You are doing something to change an aspect of yourself which you don't like, how many people are there who simply don't bother to make an effort to change the things which they don't like about themselves? I think you were quite right to challenge them for what they said, you have the right to walk the streets without being mocked by people who know nothing of you or your circumstances. Physically assualting people is not the right course of action, but standing up to those who insult you is never wrong.

Shivers26

The world is full of mouthpieces, its just a fact of life. I would never in my life insult somebody like that.

I know its hard to ignore hurtful comments and fair play to you for standing up for yourself. Try not to let it get to you too much.

Well done on joining WW and congratulations on the weight loss so far. Its an amazing feeling when you see the scales go down. Just focus on the good, positive aspects of your life and feck what other people think.

seenitall

ash23 wrote: »

I'm 5 stone lighter and down to a size 16 and still losing weight. It's slowed down but I'm much happier with my appearance now and in a way, while part of me wants those guys to suffer a slow and painful death lol, part of me is grateful too.

Jaysus! :eek: Fair play to you, Ash23!

I have always in the past been lucky in that I never had to watch what I ate or how much I ate when I was younger, I was always size 6 or 8 in my twenties (which was on the skinny side but I'm small). BUT things changed alright, as you age the metabolism slows down, and now I have to bloody watch what I eat just to keep to the size 10. Only now do I realise how much sheer willpower it takes to stick to a certain eating plan when there is nice, inviting, unhealthy food around etc. It is frustrating to think that days of not thinking before eating are over. I cannot even imagine what kind of discipline it would take to drop several stone, so well done everyone who does that, it is really something to be proud of. (Rightly or wrongly, it is a slim person's world, so it is also a very empowering thing to be able to conform in this respect, I guess.)

cafecolour

lynsalot wrote: »

Am I crazy to let this stuff get to me? But I'm just so so sick of this crap. I would never treat someone like that.

You're definitely crazy for letting it ruin your night.

For instance, on a number of different occasions I've overheard snide remarks, been screamed insults at, and had a bottle thrown at me for walking down the street hand-in-hand with another guy. Much of this in San Francisco, predominantly a very gay friendly place.

Generally I'd just give them an eye roll and move on. Sometimes I'd confront if I was in the form for it. But I always tried to have it out of my head as soon as I walked away.

It essence, it's a self-esteem issue. If you are letting strangers' opinion's of you hurt you and influence your self-image, you need to work on said self-image.

gagiteebo

As someone said above the world is full of mouthpieces! I know it's easier said than done but pass no remarks on what those muppets said!

You are trying to be healthier so maybe use your feelings about what happened to motivate you! (Well done on the weightloss so far by the way )

Remember the compliments you receive and know that people who feel the need to comment on others, especially on the street like they did, have far bigger issues than just losing a bit of weight!

Life's too short hun

lynsalot

Thanks for all your replies. I suppose it hits a nerve because I am self conscious about my weight. I swim regularly and I've never bothered worrying about getting into a swimsuit because I can swim quite well and go frequently enough to be fit enough to do quite a few lengths. I love going. I didn't go tonight purely because I feel far too conscious about it. But I know thats my problem - I shouldn't be so worried about useless people in the street commenting.

I suppose I'm just annoyed and frustrated that we live in a society thats so consumed with self image. I'm quite a pretty girl and always get compliments on it, and I know I'm big but dress well and take pride in my appearance. What I means is I generally feel good about how I look... just those annoying moments when a mindless comment hits u hard and u can't shake it off. I think I'm more aware of my weight since I started dating my boyfriend as he's a bit bigger than I am.

It comes from a lot of bad habits that take an endless amount of effort to break and stick to. I suppose I felt most annoyed that there I was almost a stone down and getting stick. And i also lost 4 stone a couple of years ago and put it all back on so that's p'd me off

IzzyWizzy

Some people are just horrible. It's that simple. They're so bitter and nasty that they'll say anything to make someone else upset. If it wasn't your weight it would have been your skin colour or your accent or your clothes the fact you wear glasses. Don't let it bother you. The ironic thing is, you could have the figure of a supermodel and the trendiest clothes and girls would still make comments out of jealousy. It's nothing to do with you, it's them.

Eve_Dublin

OP there´s pricks out there who will ALWAYS find something to slag even the most beautiful, stunning, fit, model-like among us. I save this word for very special occasions like this one but they are a shower of c*nts and you should take absolutely no notice or even pity these simplistic, insecure (nobody secure in themselves or who actually liked themselves would talk to anyone this way) numpties who are probably disliked by most people who know them and will die alone. I´m in awe of anyone who has the discipline to set a target or goal for themselves and work steadily towards achieving it...you really should be proud of yourself.

username123

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

If it wasn't your weight it would have been your skin colour or your accent or your clothes the fact you wear glasses.

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

The ironic thing is, you could have the figure of a supermodel and the trendiest clothes and girls would still make comments out of jealousy.

Yep - and if it was neither of the above itd simply be 'who does yer wan think she is, state of her, lookit at her hair/face/shoes/bag/any old thing'.

These people have to mouth off because they have no way of defining themselves without mouthing off. Theyre trying to show off/be cool/be funny/be smart ar$es/whatever.

Ignore it all.

Well done on the weight loss, its a hard road but youre doing really well. Great that you have each other to encourage each other (im trying to lose a few pounds but my hubby is like a greyhound and cheerfully munches anything and everything around him while I suck dolefully on a salad leaf and try to pretend its as delicious as his giant dinners ).

Best of luck with it and take no notice of the scum of society who have nothing better to do than make senseless noise - empty vessels and all that....

silverharp

I cant say I'd too bothered about what a drunk has to say and try not to be too sensitive, my son had a run in when he was 3, he was out with his childminder and pointed to a lady and said "she's fat" to the childminder. The minder was about to explain that he shouldnt say those things when the lady in question laid into him verbally and left him in tears. I was fuming when I heard it and had it been me there I think I'd have let rip.:mad:

lynsalot

Thanks guys for the very helpful responses. I definitely feel a lot better now. And yes I was mad to let someone get to me like that. I should just live my life the way I want to. You'd think I'd have learned that by now! (reference to old posts.... numerous numerous old posts lol)

Thanks Silver, totally appreciate how you would feel in that situation. I would in no way condone an adult reacting like that to a helpless child making an innocent comment. The thing that got my goat was there was a grown man being smart. Completely different argument altogether.

Don't worry about it, fact of the matter is people like that will only make comments because they feel so bad about their own crappy lives that they want to feel superior to someone and make someone feel as bad as them.

Sounds like a cliché but in my experience it's usually true.

Sine Spe

So sorry you had to deal with that, I've been there too.

I was in Penney's once looking for something and two girls were snickering and one of them said "they'd hardly have your size here" so I turned to her and said "guess you're **** out of luck too, because last time I checked, they don't have size bitch either." She turned red and left. I felt better!

I've often used the standard "yeah, so I'm fat but at least I can do something about it, your stupidity/ugliness etc. will be with you for life."

I've grown up a bit since those days and prefer to turn the other cheek, but it does take some of the red away!

LegacyUser

Hey op
seriously i wouldn't let it get to you, unfortunately there are some horrible people out there, if it wasn't your weight it would be something else, i remember when i was 17/18 i had bad acne, and some of the comments i'd get from men were horrendous(like it was somehow my fault?!). People make snide comments to cover their own insecurities, it's their problem not yours, at least you can/are doing something about your weight

greenprincess

fair play for the weight loss. I'm not over weight but I do have to watch what I eat and its hard!!!! I'm 22 and I hate that most of my friends dont exercise and eat what they want and their still all like size 8/.10. Yet i've to be careful and I'm still bigger then any of them, 12/14!!
Its way easier said then done but dont take any notice of them. You sound like you are happy with your life and who you are which is the most important thing in life

miss5

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

OP there´s pricks out there who will ALWAYS find something to slag even the most beautiful, stunning, fit, model-like among us. I save this word for very special occasions like this one but they are a shower of c*nts and you should take absolutely no notice or even pity these simplistic, insecure (nobody secure in themselves or who actually liked themselves would talk to anyone this way) numpties who are probably disliked by most people who know them and will die alone. I´m in awe of anyone who has the discipline to set a target or goal for themselves and work steadily towards achieving it...you really should be proud of yourself.

I agree with that, OP no matter how beautiful or thin you are people will
always find faults, Don't let it get to you. They are obviously incredibly
ignorant people with no sense of decorum, If they want to act in an
ignorant, immature fashion that's their problem. Fair play to you for
standing up for yourself!