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how to deal with...

  • 17-05-2010 12:46am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm pretty sure there is no magic answer to this one, but im thinking putting all of this down anon will make me feel a little more like im doing something...

    I met this amazing girl in January, you know the type that doesnt leave your head for longer than a few hours... we're very comfortable together and i could honestly stay with her for as long as i can. All a little mad after 4 months - im aware of this... Also we're dealing with long distance at the moment, im moving back to ireland in july.

    but then *bang* it all goes off...

    I found a wart on myself 'down there' nearly two weeks ago, i've since been diagnosed with genital warts. Now i took a few days to tell her about this... and did so via email - i just needed to get it out, that there was something there. I also confessed to having had an STD a few years back - dealt with. Now i had a wart on my hand recently, and had asked my doctor about it spreading (because of previous issues), he said its possible but unlikely. I added this in, and never used this hand in any sexual encounters. She feels i should have discussed my worries with this wart with her directly after my test - the reason i didnt was two fold, it felt dirty/embarrassing to me and i didnt feel it was much of a threat.

    We've never had unprotected sex, and have only had one sexual encounter (excluding hand pleasuring) with a condom on - she's very worried that shes been exposed to a risk. I dont think there is much risk at all, but can understand the way she feels.

    I've had something around 40 sexual partners (im in my late 20's) and a few years back would have been a little careless on occasions with regards to protection - i was honest with her about my 'number' and had an STI check with my doctor, got the all clear, bar the hand wart. And now this shows up... im completely gutted and feeling a little numb.

    Firstly i'll say that i would have preferred to speak to her in person about it, but instead just told her on email... i dont think i took it seriously enough then. So im guilty of this.

    She now says she doesnt know how she feels (shes been busy worrying about the risk to herself) about us. I'm not going to be in the same country as her for another 11 days, but i dont know if thats too long to just leave it and talk to her in person. I've told her i care deeply for her and want to get past this (there is a vaccine to protect her from infection),

    This whole thing has caused her to look at the way i view sex, and the way she trusts me (me not telling her about my hand wart concerns). This was the last thing i had to tell her, she knows everything else about me... and its the thing thats made her not trust me.

    Now maybe i should be more concerned about making a life for myself living with this disease but all im concerned with at the moment is her.

    I know the above is a little all over the place, thats the way my head is!

    Also i'm not looking for any medical opinion, i've had this already (very underwhelmed by the level of information given - just FYI)

    Current state of play is she doesnt know what she wants from us, and reckons the best thing for now is space... how much space is too much?!


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    There is a risk to her and I think you need to acknowledge this. There is no point telling her oh you probably don't have it and then down the road it shows up... worse backlash.
    I have g.w too and I have always used condoms (its not just from sex you can catch it, its any skin to skin contact). It can lie dormant for years and years so there is a good chance she could have picked it up and it might not rear its head for a few years.
    She needs to get the vaccine and see her doctor. She needs reassurance and all the information and she'd get this best from a doctor. She also needs to know this is a common thing. That's why its not included in the STI check.
    (Just to let you know hand warts is a different strand of the HPV virus so there is no way it could have led to genital warts... I know this because I freaked out when I got it and went to see doctors etc.) you were also open to her about your number.
    You need to be supportive, go to a good doctor with her and get all the facts. with her. Then can you properly discuss yer future together.


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