What to do?

LegacyUser

Ok, im gonna keep this as short as possible.

Im currently living with my girlfriend(A) and we have a child under a year old. Things havent been great for a while now. Last October i met another girl(B)(a lot younger than me), i told her the first night we were together(not sex) that i had broke up with the girlfriend thinking it would be a one night thing. Its now been 7 months and we are still seeing each other, we've fallen in love with each other but all the time ive still been living with my girlfriend(A) and daughter while she(B) thinks we're just living together as friends.

I want to be with the second girl(B) but just have no idea how to go about breaking up with my girlfriend(A) and ensuring i still get to see my daughter. I know im coming across like a total prick here and am prepared for the abuse i am inevitably going to get for this. I do still love the mother of my child but just not like i used to.

Gillo

Bere in mind OP that after a child is born there can be a massive strain on a relationship (in this case with A) which makes the new girl a lot more attracitve. No offence to B, but if she honestly believes that you are living with your ex for the last six months as friends do you really want to go out with someone that thick.

My advice is take a break from both of them and see how you feel in a few months time before choosing either one or none of them.

fungun

Good advice imo.

A good check on your feelings would be how you would feel if another man moved in with A, he became your kids dad and had a good reln with your child. How would you feel about that?

Id be careful and think about the long term here

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Look I dont want to preach to you, the fact that you have written this means you know it is wrong what you are doing...
But I think it is terrible what you are doing to your GF (the mother of your child) and your child is only a year old, and you met the other girl 7 months ago...your child was only a few months that is not on!!!! I have a little girl, and the first few months it the toughest ever, and it so hard to adjust to being a mother, if you gf was anything like me, she probably hadent time to go out, do herself up, eat, sleep etc....and what where you doing??? meeting another girl...
Now I am not questioning you as a dad, I know nothing about that...

I was all over the place when my little girl was younger, and I noticed my partner was distant aswell, and even though I know 100% he wasnt cheating, I knew I wasnt very attractive to him...eventually I broke up with him...long story..
I eventually got back to myself, going out, meeting people....prob look better than I did before the baby, because I work at it...Anyway my point is my ex wants to get back constantly and I guess remembers the way I used to be before the baby. (to late though)

This puts a huge strain on every relationship, it is so hard being a parent, and you probaby feel trapped....but meeting someone else for 7 months is down right cruel!!!

But listen I could go on all night, but I wont. Just please leave your gf, she deserves better, if you leave it any longer it will hurt so much more, and she has to rare your child.
She will be fine, and pick herself up...dont start to feel sorry for her now 7 months down the line.....and regarding girl B....I agree with the other poster, she cant honestly believe you are just livin with your gf as friends!!!! she has no respect either way...knowing you have a young child...

Sorry if I was harsh...but you need to be told..




Ok, im gonna keep this as short as possible.

Im currently living with my girlfriend(A) and we have a child under a year old. Things havent been great for a while now. Last October i met another girl(B)(a lot younger than me), i told her the first night we were together(not sex) that i had broke up with the girlfriend thinking it would be a one night thing. Its now been 7 months and we are still seeing each other, we've fallen in love with each other but all the time ive still been living with my girlfriend(A) and daughter while she(B) thinks we're just living together as friends.

I want to be with the second girl(B) but just have no idea how to go about breaking up with my girlfriend(A) and ensuring i still get to see my daughter. I know im coming across like a total prick here and am prepared for the abuse i am inevitably going to get for this. I do still love the mother of my child but just not like i used to.

Denimgirl

2 girls, 1 problem wrote: »

Ok, im gonna keep this as short as possible.

Im currently living with my girlfriend(A) and we have a child under a year old. Things havent been great for a while now. Last October i met another girl(B)(a lot younger than me), i told her the first night we were together(not sex) that i had broke up with the girlfriend thinking it would be a one night thing. Its now been 7 months and we are still seeing each other, we've fallen in love with each other but all the time ive still been living with my girlfriend(A) and daughter while she(B) thinks we're just living together as friends.

I want to be with the second girl(B) but just have no idea how to go about breaking up with my girlfriend(A) and ensuring i still get to see my daughter. I know im coming across like a total prick here and am prepared for the abuse i am inevitably going to get for this. I do still love the mother of my child but just not like i used to.

Right, I think your a digrace and it's just typical for a guy to do this! when the going gets tough you go with the nearest bit of skirt that comes along!!disgusting!! I bet it makes it all the more romantic and sparkly coz it's a big secret and everything is extra passionate!but believe me this is life it's tough! relationships have hard times and thats why you have to work through them not lose interest and go off with someone else! your not inlove mate!!you want a life thats carefree!!iF you leave the mother of your baby for the new girl if you'se end up having a kid in the future it's gonna be the same hardtimes! are you gonna "fall in love" with someone else then?? Cop on to yourself and be a man and look after your family this is real life!Be real man life is'nt easy!

6th

Denimgirl wrote: »

Right, I think your a digrace and it's just typical for a guy to do this! when the going gets tough you go with the nearest bit of skirt that comes along!!disgusting!! I bet it makes it all the more romantic and sparkly coz it's a big secret and everything is extra passionate!but believe me this is life it's tough! relationships have hard times and thats why you have to work through them not lose interest and go off with someone else! your not inlove mate!!you want a life thats carefree!!iF you leave the mother of your baby for the new girl if you'se end up having a kid in the future it's gonna be the same hardtimes! are you gonna "fall in love" with someone else then?? Cop on to yourself and be a man and look after your family this is real life!Be real man life is'nt easy!

Do you think you can make your point without being so aggressive? (rhetorical)

D-Generate

Denimgirl wrote: »

Right, I think your a digrace and it's just typical for a guy to do this!

Rant

Cop on to yourself and be a man and look after your family this is real life!Be real man life is'nt easy!

Slightly contradictory. He is being your definition of a man by doing this yet you want him to be a man and not do this? Alas you didn't spot this because you wanted to get a bit of an anti-man rant out. Here is a newsflash, women cheat also! Yes shocking I know but even worse, sometimes women also disappear when a kid has been born! Heck my girlfriend was raised by her dad because her mum bounced out when she was a year old. Nonetheless I don't expect all women (including yourself) to be cheaters and deserters, I just think some are and some aren't.

OP you are in a bit of a mess in this situation and honestly I doubt either relationship is right for you. It generally isn't healthy to bounce from one person to the next without taking some breathing space in between. Your relationship with your girlfriend is probably over and despite the overwhelming amount of people who will try and tell you to stay together for the kids sake, you shouldn't. A kid is better raised by two parents who are separated but happy rather than a couple who are together and unloving.

P.S I know the girlfriend isn't going to be happy about this situation but over the space of 20 years i imagine she will feel better knowing she is not in a loveless relationship.

Denimgirl

6th wrote: »

Do you think you can make your point without being so aggressive? (rhetorical)

I'm not being agressive just stressing the fact that he is leading his girlfriend on and the new girls friend he's also with.I have'nt insulted anybody just my opinion

Denimgirl

D-Generate wrote: »

Slightly contradictory. He is being your definition of a man by doing this yet you want him to be a man and not do this? Alas you didn't spot this because you wanted to get a bit of an anti-man rant out. Here is a newsflash, women cheat also! Yes shocking I know but even worse, sometimes women also disappear when a kid has been born! Heck my girlfriend was raised by her dad because her mum bounced out when she was a year old. Nonetheless I don't expect all women (including yourself) to be cheaters and deserters, I just think some are and some aren't.

OP you are in a bit of a mess in this situation and honestly I doubt either relationship is right for you. It generally isn't healthy to bounce from one person to the next without taking some breathing space in between. Your relationship with your girlfriend is probably over and despite the overwhelming amount of people who will try and tell you to stay together for the kids sake, you shouldn't. A kid is better raised by two parents who are separated but happy rather than a couple who are together and unloving.

P.S I know the girlfriend isn't going to be happy about this situation but over the space of 20 years i imagine she will feel better knowing she is not in a loveless relationship.

No antiman rant!! I know a lot of girls who were left "the holding the baby" and though I know woman do it also majority of men get going when it gets tough in relationships!Why there is so many single mothers?!I'm entitled to have an opinion as you are so I don;t think I should be given a hard time about it,The OP even said himself he was expecting a some negative feedback!I 've seen a lot worse replies on this site!!and nothing said!!

OwenM

Denimgirl wrote: »

Why there is so many single mothers?!

Maybe you should read some columns by Kevin Myers on the subject.

Silverfish

Please, can we return to the topic, which is advising the OP, not arguing. Thanks.

Denimgirl, if you have an issue with moderation, please pm the mods rather than drag the thread off topic. thank you.

LegacyUser

C'mere, op you need to be honest with yourself. Are you and your gf compatible? Did ye get on before the baby was born? Have either or both of you changed to the point you're no longer compatible? Look at the deeper elements of the relationship, not just whether you get butterflies or all the other lark you might get with girl B at the moment.

You need to take a step back from girl B and work out what's happening with girl A.