Relationship advice

rebel10

Sorry if this should be in some other forum.
Basically i am a little lost and need advice. Was going out with my ex for 6 years. He broke up with me 2 years ago, saying that he had fallen for a girl he worked with,obviously i was devastated and completely shocked about a week later i went on holidays with my friends and when i came back he begged me to take him back, saying that he could not imagine his life without me in it. I agreed to try again, as i was still very much in love with him and could not really fault him for falling for someone else. He told me that this girl had been flirting with him, although she knew he was in a long-term relationship. He finished up that job soon after.
All was going well until October of last year, he broke up with me again, saying he just wasn't happy, things had become boring and that because he is seeing so many of his friends getting married, he had to decide now whether or not I was the one he wanted to spend his life with. Devastated, I tried to move on. I live alone and don't have family around at the moment, friends have been good but after a few weeks of "minding" me, they have moved on as they thought i had.
Basically i began to feel very low, very alone and worthless. I am quite a private person and would find it difficult to talk to even my closest friends about this. I started to make contact with him again over the phone and he called around every few weeks, of course we slept together which obviously didn't help matters. Around xmas he said he wanted to talk to me, i didn't know whether this was to ask me back or to finish things entirely, but things were going well when we did meet up so I thought it would be the latter. The "talk" never happened.
Basically, since easter, we have met up almost every weekend. Sleeping together and doing the stuff we would have been doing as a couple. None of my friends or his know we have been meeting.
My problem is, he seems to be very distant with me, with the last two weeks,up to the point where he is almost avoiding being close, as in if i hold out my hand for his he will hold it for a second and drop it almost instantly. If i try to kiss him, he makes an excuse like he has a cold or something. Now i know at this point i should be accepting that he has no interest, but once we go to bed, he is all over me, we have sex, and then he straight away falls asleep and wont even come near me after that. In the morning he gets out of bed so quickly, claiming "the day will be wasted."
My dilema is, do you think he is just using me for easy sex? I think i know the answer, but i can't accept that someone who is my best friend would hurt me like this. If he had let me go when he broke up with me then maybe i could have moved on, but now i am just so confused and messed up. I am scared i will end up hating him and losing a best friend if what he is doing is using me. I have probably over-simplified things here, but i am asking for advice on what a sane girl would do. I'm lost. Thanks.

kiwi123

well it sounds to me like you will end up hating yourself if you keep going in this situation. I know that sound's harsh, but if your confidence is very low, you need to pick yourself up with your dignity in check because he is not going to do that for you. From his point of view, he has it every way, he has the freedom to go out and do as he pleases and the comfort of having someone to come home to at the end of every week. Perfect set up for him. Cutting yourself off from someone you love is so difficult, but it's only when you are given that space that you will start to blossom and find your way again. Many have been in similar situations and it is so hard to detach yourself from it and break away but I am sure you know that deep down it's for the best. Especially considering all of the extra strain this us putting on you at the minute

If you move this to personal issues, you might get some more responses.

best of luck x

Rozabeez

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1174

You'd probably be better off posting it in here.

rebel10

Rozabeez wrote: »

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1174

You'd probably be better off posting it in here.

Thanks, had a feeling it wasn't right to put it here.:)

smileyscientist

I agree completely with the previous poster. He is completely USING you.

My heart goes out to you, I know how hard it is to let go of someone you love but this guy bears no resemblance to the guy you spent 6 years with. He is a completely different person and is flexing his control over you to get what he wants from you and give you nothing in return- just heartbreak. You have to separate the old person you used to know from this new p**ck.

Do yourself a favour and GET RID. Take back the control, show him whos boss and that your not taking any more sh1t.

Give yourself the chance to get over him- that means cut ALL contact and ask him not to contact you again. If he cares about you at all he will do this for you. If you continue down this track, he will enivatebly get bored and will leave and leave you in tatters. Please dont give him the free rein to do this. Show yourself some respect and get out of this toxic vicious circle.

Be strong, I know its hard but it will be worth it in the long run, mark my words

x x

mariebeth

Honestly, I think you really need to let him go. As long as you keep letting him use you, he will. That's pretty much what it boils down to. I don't want to sound harsh, but I really feel that you need a bit of tough love in this. It's time to let him go, cut him off, and look after yourself and your own needs.

Greyfox

rebel10 wrote: »

My dilema is, do you think he is just using me for easy sex?

Yes he is definitely just using you for easy sex, I believe nodody who reads this thread will tell you differently as all the signs are their!

You need to give him the ultimatum of a relationship or nothing otherwise he'll continue to use you and you'll never be able to move on.

rebel10

Thanks for all the replies lads. Feel a bit sick reading them, as this has been going on so long i think i had myself fooled into thinking i could win him over. After this weekend i realised that my head and heart are broken. It kills me more that after all these years together he would use me like this when i have trusted him for so long. Just feel so so empty now. I am building up the courage to ask him if this is what he is using me for, but in a way i feel like if i do this i will just hear the usual "Look I don't know what i want. " In fairness to him, he did try at the beginning to just end it, but it was me who pushed for contact as i am so alone at the moment. I'm so tired of thinking about it all, its good and refreshing to hear someones point of view as to what i should do. Thanks so so much:)

smileyscientist

TBH OP I wouldnt even give him the pleasure of having to decide an ultaimatum. That just putting more power into his hands. Just end it. And really could you imagine being back in a reationship wit this guy?? Nightmare..:eek:The only diffence would be he would probably treat you worse.

Sorry, I know all of this is hard to hear but cutting your losses is the ONLY way.
Good luck x x