sick of it at this stage.......

LegacyUser

28 years old male, single for nearly 2 years, and sick of it all.

ok maybe i am beng slightly dramatic there, but just soo sick of not being happy. loved ex alot, gutted big time when we finished, these things happen though, it is part of life,you have to move on. so I have done EVERYTHING that you are supposed to do. i am generally a positive person and people who meet me would think i am a happy person who is great fun. i am not happy though.

i've joined groups, i have started new hobbies, i am out alot, i am meeting new people, i try not to moan or let others know when i am sad....all in vain though. i am still single. and no-one seems interested either. i become friends, everyone likes me, but in terms of a relationship.....nothing. i dont force myself onto girls, i am not desperate.....but i really wanna share my life with someone....and nothing is happening.

i see guys who do nothing about being single, stay in the same rut, i am trying constantly to do the right thing though...and still nothing. i accept that you dont just find someone, it happens when you least expect it etc etc.....but it feels like it will never happen for me.

all my friends are getting married, having kids etc.... i am genuinely happy for them, i want those things too...so much....i can see the pity in their eyes when they know i am not seeing anyone at present.

self confidence is low as a result, and i am not the same happy person in myself that i have always been up to last couple of years. anyone been or is in a similar situation, id love to hear from you?

Nick_oliveri

Maybe you are trying so hard not to moan you end up talking to nobody about your problems. There are many guys in similar positions that find themselves completely unable to talk to women. You can at least be thankful that you don't consider that to be a problem.

Do you ask anyone out, or wait for them to do it?

bogzilla

OP - feels like i could have written that post myself.

i'm in the exact same boat [tis a big boat i'd imagine]. on the outside all signs look good, i have a good job, am in good shape, have lots of mates and always try to keep positive and enjoy the company of my friends. lucky to have no financial worries at this time.

on the inside, i have a deep sadness about still being single, a loneliness that is hard to escape and impossible to mistake. i always thought loneliness was reserved for old people who live remotely after a spouse has died or something like that, but alas it has paid an early visit to me in my life.

i'm near the same age bracket and several friends are now getting married or are in long term relationships. i am very happy for them and wish them well. i am certainly envious of them and gladly reinforces my view that money and affluence are unimportant in your life. that real happiness comes from sharing your daily experiences with people you like and or love and hope that it's reciprocated.

all i can say is that i wish you well. you've got your health and your youth, a strong combination. remember that it only has to happen once and then it's plain sailing. i still think about the girl i broke up with two years ago, think about her most days. then sometimes i think about the next girl that i'll meet and like.

i wonder when that will be.

Funky Kingston

Can i get on that boat too ??:)

Well i am in the same position , a little younger and im a lady (take that as loosely as you want !)

I was finding it hard to meet people for awhile 'coz it's really hard to approach in pubs and clubs . I think its a matter of changing perspective from the love we have all had previously and just look forward to the future instead of dwelling on the past .

I have started to be more positive and when the lonelyness comes to just try keep myself busy . I've tried meeting people in different ways ... at my tag rugby group and meeting friends of friends etc . I guess if it is ment to be the right person will come along , we just gotta open our eyes more ...

Good luck everyone , you sound like a good bunch of guys any girl would be lucky to have !

ash23

Is there room in the boat for me lol?

I'm 27, single for 2 years after being very badly burned in my last relationship. I go out, I have fun, I keep busy and keep going and 99% of the time I'm happy.
But that 1% can be the killer.

I've no advice other than to keep on going. I know I'll meet someone eventually. So I'm intending on making the most of being single and in my 20s as it's still somewhat of a novelty to me.

I have a feeling that while it's not what I want, I'll probably look back on this time in 10 years and think how much fun I had, how much I enjoyed it etc.

So make the most of it as you'll be coupled up and kiddied up for long enough!

bubbly123

Ya I'm pretty much in the same boat. Altho I don't let it get to me as much. I'm 26, female and single. The most annoying thing is that I have a wide cirlcle of friends who are all in seroius relationships. I get the impression they feel sorry for me, they keep tellin me I'm too fussy or I just love them and leave them! But thats not the case. I sometimes start thinking there's something wrong with me but I try to keep positive. I don't believe I will be single forever. i think this time being single is better for me. I'll appreciate love when I find it, while also being able to stand on my own two!

buswankers

Think we can safely say its a massive boat
I'm the same....28 single female, some days wish i wasnt some days glad not 2 b tied down!
As in a couple of the above posts, most of my friends are settling down etc - think its the age we're at, tho 2 b honest i dont think im ready for any of that jst yet & sometimes worry i never will b! Bubbly, i can relate my friends tell me the same thing - im too fussy, or i get the line 'sure uv so much goin on ud never have time for a man'! but i think i would for the right one!!! Also sometimes think is there something wrong with me coz im actually not sure when il really b ready for the whole settling down thing but i try & keep those thoughts out of my head & say no u wont b single forever!

Not sure i have any advice either....i mean dont think there's any magic formula to instantly meet the person your gonna fall madly in love with & vice versa, but i do think ur doing the right things in that ur putting yourself in situations where you meet new people & get chatting 2 ladies etc......think its all about putting yourself out there & just b open & friendly....it willl happen, try not 2 get 2 hung up on it tho....as they say, "these things happen when we least expect it"....hate that saying myself but i guess have 2 believe it or else we'd just spend the entire time going, 'when will i meet mr right (or mrs as the case may be!)'...think if u can, try & relax about the whole thing a bit more & just believe that it will happen 4 u - just give it a chance!!

LegacyUser

Well i'm in the exact same boat. I have a good group of friends, I know a lot of girls and I have had many girls intrested in going out with me (not bragging) but one of the things I want in life is a wife and a family and it's just not happening for me atall. I just can't find a women that has that magic spark for me. As a result I have been very lonely lately and I have even stopped socialising. It has really started to get me down. This sounds odd but it's kinda nice others are in the same situation alteast i'm not the only one that feels like this.

legend365

I'll get the next one so :P

I say the same thing to myself every so often.

Sick of women...blah blah blah but always end up back chasin them

buswankers

inthesameboat wrote: »

I just can't find a women that has that magic spark for me. As a result I have been very lonely lately and I have even stopped socialising. It has really started to get me down.

I think the last thing you should do is to stop socialising! I mean ya its grand to b sick of women or sick of doing the chasing etc - then just stop that for a while....but to stop socialising altogether? thats just cutting your chances of finding that magic spark massively AND it gives you more time to sit at home & dwell on the fact that your lonely hence making you feel worse. I know its easy to say but try not 2 b so focused on the wife & family thing & just go out & enjoy yourself - it will happen!

LegacyUser

buswankers wrote: »

I think the last thing you should do is to stop socialising! I mean ya its grand to b sick of women or sick of doing the chasing etc - then just stop that for a while....but to stop socialising altogether? thats just cutting your chances of finding that magic spark massively AND it gives you more time to sit at home & dwell on the fact that your lonely hence making you feel worse. I know its easy to say but try not 2 b so focused on the wife & family thing & just go out & enjoy yourself - it will happen!

thanks for the tip I will try not to dwell on the family thing, I think that's my main problem and I think that's why I havnt had much luck I'm to picky.

buswankers

Nothing wrong with bein picky......we all have a certain number of boxes we want a prospective partner to tick. Just try not 2 have too high of an expectation that ur going to meet your future wife & instantly know she's the one u want to spend the rest of your life with - maybe this happens for some ppl but im betting their few & far between! if u think like that then ur probably letting lots of good ones pass u by without getting to know them properly!

LegacyUser

OP here,

i hope this doesnt sound bad, but like another poster has said, there is something at least a bit comforting from knowing i am not the only one who feels like this.

i am not even trying to force the issue by desperately trying to get with someone, i am just trying to do the right thing by putting myself in the situation where i might meet someone new.

but when after 2 years it seems feck all is happening, it does get you down. shopping alone, doing things by yourself in general, wanting to go away but no-one around, going to bed alone all the time.....these things get me down eventually, no matter how hard i try not to let it.

alibaba12

Hi all,

I gotta say am amazed at the posts here. I do understand that lonliness isnt great but you are in your 20's its the time to be single, plenty of time to be settled later in life.

I was 21 when I broke up with my first love and oh boy that hurt it took about 1 year to get over him. I was the same put a brave face on it in front of ppl went out all the time but felt like crap at the same point, cried almost every night. But decided about a year after we broke up to stay single throughout my 20's & have to the best time of my lift & I did. I had 3-4 nights out a week, girls holidays, girls weekends had a ball living it up, getting my career going.

I didnt meet my then bf till I was 29 - engaged now & am happy. I am so glad I totally lived it up in my 20's.

Dont be stressing so much I know the lonliness can be palpable at times but believe me you will find some1 just enjoy the single life for a while.

um7y1h83ge06nx

Hey, I might as well join the queue!

I'm a 27 year old guy and we broke up another 4 weeks ago. We were seeing each other for 4 years.

I find I'm really working hard to sort myself out but it is working. Every time I even just chat to a girl I feel I'm getting closer to my old single self when I was 22/23.

Back then I had no fear approaching women and having a laugh but I'm gone rusty.

I'm just going to keep the chin up and plough on.

Good luck OP.

ash23

alibaba12 wrote: »

Hi all,

But decided about a year after we broke up to stay single throughout my 20's & have to the best time of my lift & I did. I had 3-4 nights out a week, girls holidays, girls weekends had a ball living it up, getting my career going.

I didnt meet my then bf till I was 29 - engaged now & am happy. I am so glad I totally lived it up in my 20's.

Dont be stressing so much I know the lonliness can be palpable at times but believe me you will find some1 just enjoy the single life for a while.

Easy said when you're in your early 20s and your friends are up for nights out, girls holidays and having a ball.
Problem is, when you hit your mid to late 20s, everyone else starts pairing off and getting married....then the girlie nights out dwindle in favour of cosy nights in to save for the wedding, the girly holidays are replaced with family holidays etc......

Being single is great when you're friends are also single. I had an amazing year after myself and the ex split first. And now all the ones who I partied with are getting engaged and getting married and getting pregnant....and I'm sat in on my own every weekend. Of course I have the added issue of being a mother so I can't do the party stuff during the week, money for socialising is gone on stuff like creche and when I do get the chance to go out, everyone else is busy with their fellas.

LegacyUser

op here again,

thanks for the response alibaba12, and ye, in some ways you are right, you totally gotta enjoy being single, i know from being in a long term relationship myself, it is great to have all the freedom you like to do what you want when you are single, but i have to agree with ash23. it is all well and good saying go out and enjoy being single, but when you start to hit late 20's and all your friends are getting engaged, married and having kids, it is not as easy to find friends to go out with. The result for me anyway is, go to the local with whatever friends are around, go to a friends house for a few drinks, or occasionally go for a big night out if it is someones birthday.

i am not stressing, i just feel time is passing me by and nothing is happeninig, it begins to play on your mind unfortunately......

alibaba12

lonely10 wrote: »

op here again,

thanks for the response alibaba12, and ye, in some ways you are right, you totally gotta enjoy being single, i know from being in a long term relationship myself, it is great to have all the freedom you like to do what you want when you are single, but i have to agree with ash23. it is all well and good saying go out and enjoy being single, but when you start to hit late 20's and all your friends are getting engaged, married and having kids, it is not as easy to find friends to go out with. The result for me anyway is, go to the local with whatever friends are around, go to a friends house for a few drinks, or occasionally go for a big night out if it is someones birthday.

i am not stressing, i just feel time is passing me by and nothing is happeninig, it begins to play on your mind unfortunately......

Hi Op,

I do understand about mates paring off etc and there is sort of a social pressure as well as a personal pressure to get paired off. But honestly if I had never met my bf it wouldnt bother me, it did when I first broke up with my first bf, but I learned to discover me what I was about & that I didnt need someone.

I also do hate it when mates replace the girls/boys nights out in favor of the OH, I'd never do that & always have room for my mates single or attached.

I was just trying to see the positives of it.

alibaba12

ash23 wrote: »

Easy said when you're in your early 20s and your friends are up for nights out, girls holidays and having a ball.
Problem is, when you hit your mid to late 20s, everyone else starts pairing off and getting married....then the girlie nights out dwindle in favour of cosy nights in to save for the wedding, the girly holidays are replaced with family holidays etc......

Being single is great when you're friends are also single. I had an amazing year after myself and the ex split first. And now all the ones who I partied with are getting engaged and getting married and getting pregnant....and I'm sat in on my own every weekend. Of course I have the added issue of being a mother so I can't do the party stuff during the week, money for socialising is gone on stuff like creche and when I do get the chance to go out, everyone else is busy with their fellas.

Hi ash23,

I was hitting 30 when I met my bf not so was single my whole 20's practically.

It does annoy me when mates suddenly drop their friends in favor of the OH. Women should really be more willing to keep their friends & not let the friendships fade out or disappear altogether. It seems so many woman do that these days, not sure about the men but it seems they keep their friendships going.