Can't get over not being good looking..

LegacyUser

I'm 20/male.

Probably since I first started becoming interested in the opposite sex I have felt inferior in comparison to most other males.

I hate the body I have been given. I despise how I have turned out, and given that I'm at the age now where I can expect not to change anymore physically, I have felt worse than ever these past few years.

It's one thing not being good looking (I would even say I'm below average looking), but to also be of 'unideal' height for a man, have a childish face and disproportioned body is just a real struggle for me.

I go through so many awful moments where I see a really attractive girl and yet can't even glance at her without a ''you're unworthy'' look right back at me. It kills me inside.

And btw I believe that the popular 'it's personality that's the most attractive aspect to women' theory is bullsh!t.

I get angry at the world and at myself almost every night and drink (often heavily) as a way of expressing my anger and hatred towards my body. I enjoy drinking (alone) too so I guess I see it as, if my body is useless at giving me a normal life and attracting women, then I may as well put it to some use until it expires..

Why are so many people so fortunate? Why did I have to be one of the few who was truly left with nothing?

NoQuarter

Are you making the most of what you have? Gym? Nice clothes? Nice aftershave etc etc?

Take your anger out in the gym rather than the bottle.

And have you got any talent?? Women find that sexy too. No matter what you look like if your talented at something you can punch above your weight. If you dont..get out and buy a guitar or something and get damn good on it and get yourself into a band.

Better than moping all the time, cause your appearance aint gonne change much now and at least your drinking will be cool if your in a band!

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

Do you know what is a zillion times less attractive than the least physically attractive man on earth? The guy with zero confidence and a mammoth chip on his shoulder. Don't think women can't sense either desperation or resentment a mile away, because they can.

What you are probably interpreting as a statement on your physicality is much more likely to be a result of your general attitude in combination with your low self-esteem and low opinion on your own attractiveness.

Do you think talking to someone about why you are so angry might help? Help you to find out why you are so down on yourself and hate the world? There are lots of ugly people who are both happy and in loving relationships so despite your "it's personality that's the most attractive aspect to women' theory is bullsh!t." claim, you have to know there is more than a grain of truth in it.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

OP here.

Being physically unattractive usually comes hand in hand with low confidence/self resentment. How can I possibly change that? I'm not going to pretend I like my appearance for a number of reasons. In fact I would feel really silly walking around looking happy and confident as people would inevitably think ''what's he got to be happy about''. I rarely smile because of that. I would actually feel embarrassed doing so.

king-stew, I play guitar and play around with various musicians/bands. I am talented but so far it's done nothing for me during the 8 or so years I have been playing... Which is why I doubt as many women actually put personality and other qualities first, like is often claimed.

kjl

cheer up OP, you might grow into your looks, most people do.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so down about your situation. Just a tale from my own life, I used to be very self conscious about how I looked because my jaw didn't develop properly. My self confidence was pretty low as a result and I thought I wouldn't have a hope with any woman.

After having reconstructive surgery, without wanting to sound arrogant, I looked a lot better than before and thought it would be a lot easier to have a relationship with a woman. However I was still carrying a lot of the baggage and low self esteem from before and it took a long time for that to change, which really was the key to being more successful at relationships.

Basically I would advise you to knock the bottle on the head, go out and enjoy your life. Make friends with women and eventually when you don't expect it you will click with someone. Sitting in alone and drinking at night will not really help your situation but even half an hour exercise at night instead of drinking will have you looking better and feeling more confident. You might even meet a woman while you are out getting fit. Best of luck!

itsasecret

Hi op,

You have a choice, you can sit around drinking and saying "oh i am so ugly" and feeling crap or you can say "this is what i have got, you can either love or not" I am often surprised at the guys i see who seem to have the best looking girls, and honestly it has nothing to do with looks at all. But is it possible that the drinking is a problem? I would not find someone who is drinking and angry at the world attractive!

But even if i believe you, that you are so ugly no girl will look at you, when then you have to deal with that. Forget about girls and try and get your own life sorted and be happy.Then you never know what will happen

LegacyUser

itsasecret wrote: »

Hi op,

You have a choice, you can sit around drinking and saying "oh i am so ugly" and feeling crap or you can say "this is what i have got, you can either love or not" I am often surprised at the guys i see who seem to have the best looking girls, and honestly it has nothing to do with looks at all. But is it possible that the drinking is a problem? I would not find someone who is drinking and angry at the world attractive!

But even if i believe you, that you are so ugly no girl will look at you, when then you have to deal with that. Forget about girls and try and get your own life sorted and be happy.Then you never know what will happen

I don't drink in public first of all. As for wether it effects my general mood I can't say.

I never said that no girl has shown interest in me. I have had girls interested in me. I have had 'relationships' (if you'd call them that) in the past. Way way in the past though, during the early-mid stages of secondary school. The two I had never lasted long at all though.

Since then though I have had nothing. I have begun to think that maybe I was decent looking when I was younger and then changed for the worst (facially)..

Perhaps even now though I guess there have been times I have gotten a sense that someone is looking at me/showing interest but generally those that do, I am not attracted to. Anyone I am attracted to, usually appears uninterested in me.. which is typical and what makes me so frustrated and depressed.

cafecolour

Yeah. Getting ****faced and hiding in a corner like a glowering troll isn't going to do much for you.

Plenty of ugly guys end up with attractive women. Look at pretty much 90% of rock guitarists.

As to being short and babyfaced - my old coworker was about 5'2" and looked like he was 14 (despite being about 20). He bedded literally every attractive girl we worked with. How? Well he was a complete gent and a incorrigible flirt.

Stop drinking. Go to the gym. Practice flirting. Dress and groom yerself suitably.

If you stare at a woman from across a club, all she has to judge you on is your face and your (bad) attitude.

If you start chatting with a woman, she has the whole package/attitude, which definitely can be appealing.

gonnaplayrugby

dude personality does kinda matter. ive been told by loads of girls that i'm hot but ive never had a gf or even been kissed simply because i just dont no how to act around them. then a friend of mine, he can capture any girls heart even though hes not that great looking because he has the personality and can flirt like a motherfo.:P he even won the heart of the girl i love...**** :pac:

dsmythy

Looks aren't everything. Attitude is ultra important though. Even on the looks part you say since you're 20 you are stuck with what you have. Eat healthier, go down the gym, stop drinking. These three things alone can change how you look and feel. The old joke goes that while women go downhill as they age men only get better. It's nonsense since everyone is different but trust me your features will continue to change over time. You can help this change be positive by caring more for yourself.

Eve_Dublin

king-stew wrote: »

Are you making the most of what you have? Gym? Nice clothes? Nice aftershave etc etc?

Take your anger out in the gym rather than the bottle.

And have you got any talent?? Women find that sexy too. No matter what you look like if your talented at something you can punch above your weight. If you dont..get out and buy a guitar or something and get damn good on it and get yourself into a band.

Better than moping all the time, cause your appearance aint gonne change much now and at least your drinking will be cool if your in a band!

You don't know how much truth is in this statement.

I'm seeing a guy right now who plays piano, bass and guitar brilliantly but his face is conventionally "ugly" (as in he wouldn't be considered good-looking in the mainstream). The man is the most attractive person I've ever met and I'd say 50% of that is down to the fact that he's so talented. I used to temporarily live with him and I can't say I felt an attraction for him initially but I used to hear him play piano and God knows what happened but the time and patience he'd put into his music really appealed to me and I'd get all hot and bothered. A lot of women are suckers for the quietly confident, brooding musician types but not just this alone. This guy is happy in his own skin, is optimistic, clever (I can't tell you're clever too from your post OP) and kind....and he exercises. He's also twice your age and I'm guessing that confidence came with life experience. My friends asked me was he "gorgeous" a few weeks ago (because I've gone out with a fair few conventionally gorgeous fellas over the years) and I replied, "not exactly but he's very attractive"...there's a difference and the latter matters more when attracting the ladiezzz.

Get fit OP and take a bit of pride in how you look. Work with what you have and try to learn to like and accept yourself. A lot of men grow into themselves as they get older. Looks really don't matter as much to us women as you men.

John Mason

I hate the body I have been given.

Well, you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.

I get angry at the world and at myself almost every night?

no-one wants to even look at never mind talk to the bloke with the big angry head and scowlly face.

Being physically unattractive usually comes hand in hand with low confidence/self resentment.

omg, this is such a cop out. seriously, do you think that all the ugly people in the world are miserable ? (on that point - i dont believe are any ugly people in the world, its just ugly thoughts and personalities that make them appear ugly)

In fact I would feel really silly walking around looking happy and confident as people would inevitably think ''what's he got to be happy about''.

oh mate, you need to cop on. what have you got to be happy about - do all your limbs work? are you starving ? do you have a roof over your head? are you in negative equity? do you have a family who love and support you ?

I rarely smile because of that. I would actually feel embarrassed doing so.

this is why no girls look at you, you come across as being a miserable boring moany person

you have a couple of choices,

you accept your shortcoming and embrance them because they are what make you uniquie

go and seek counselling to help you over come your self esteem issues

or carry one being the miserable fecker sitting in the corner alone

the choice is yours.

Spiritoftheseventies

Its a bit of an old cliche but really beauty is only skin deep. Dont retreat into yourself. its the worst thing you can do here.
Strength of personality overcomes everything.

thewindcries

thewindcries wrote: »

OP here.

Being physically unattractive usually comes hand in hand with low confidence/self resentment. How can I possibly change that? I'm not going to pretend I like my appearance for a number of reasons. In fact I would feel really silly walking around looking happy and confident as people would inevitably think ''what's he got to be happy about''. I rarely smile because of that. I would actually feel embarrassed doing so.

That's crazy. If anything, I'd probably think, 'why does he look so miserable?' if I saw you walking around glowering at everyone. I don't think it's ever occurred to me to expect someone not to smile because they're ugly. Looks REALLY aren't everything. If you have reasonable health, a family, a roof over your head, food to eat, you're doing a hell of a lot better than a lot of people. And I'm not just saying that. A good friend of mine is very handsome and gets a lot of attention but he lost both parents to murder when he was 13 and was brought up in care and is now sleeping on a distant relative's couch with not a penny to his name. He still finds things to smile about. Honestly, being ugly is not that important. There are LOADS of ugly men who have no problem attracting women. It's all about the attitude. If you start appreciating what you DO have to offer, start dressing well and being friendly, I'm willing to bet that would solve a lot of your issues.

LegacyUser

irishbird wrote: »

Well, you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.

I have tried.. believe me..

I acknowledge my musical talent and that's probably the one thing I like about myself (mainly due to the knowledge that it's not something many other people have) but to like myself physically I would have to have at least one thing to be proud of. I have to have one thing that other people would like to have if you know what I mean.. How can I like my body if everything about it is sub-par and that most other healthy men have something better....

Spiritoftheseventies

Are you that vain about your looks. Get over it. You have your health and assume a bit of wealth.
Learn to appreciate the small things in life and dont be appreciate with stuff that really isnt that important.

Silverfish

Spiritoftheseventies wrote: »

Are you that vain about your looks. Get over it. You have your health and assume a bit of wealth.
Learn to appreciate the small things in life and dont be appreciate with stuff that really isnt that important.

Telling people to 'get over it' is not helpful.

Please read the charter before posting. Thank you.

LegacyUser

thewindcries wrote: »

Being physically unattractive usually comes hand in hand with low confidence/self resentment. How can I possibly change that? I'm not going to pretend I like my appearance for a number of reasons. In fact I would feel really silly walking around looking happy and confident as people would inevitably think ''what's he got to be happy about''. I rarely smile because of that. I would actually feel embarrassed doing so.

This made me laugh, because I could have written this.
As much as I can relate to it, it sounds so ridiculous when you see someone else say it.
I'm ****ed up in exactly the same way from having acne in my teens and seeing that expression you describe. The expression you'd expect to get if you just threw up in front of a girl, yet you get it for just being yourself.

thewindcries wrote: »

as people would inevitably think ''what's he got to be happy about''

Take this and examine it for rationality.
I shared this kind of thinking, and working through it in reverse:
1. Do people really think this when they look at me? Do I know this or just think it?
2. I believe strangers think this way about me because I think this way about strangers.
3. I think this way about other people because I strive to reject them before they get a chance to reject me.
4. I am trying to shield myself against rejection.
And in my head it might work, I may be able to cope with it, to resolve it.
But as Irishbird said, it comes across in your demeanour, it has to. And when it does, it repels people, which is exactly what you don't want. Especially since the resulting bad interactions feed back into your negative self image and make you worse.
I've spent years sitting there as the sour puss, half not wanting to be there, half expecting pity. But it doesn't work, since people aren't mind readers. You just end up looking unfriendly and standoffish.

You have to really believe that nobody else is perfect.
And if they are actually thinking something like - well what's HE smiling about? - then it's they who have the problem. And they do.

Eve_Dublin

thewindcries wrote: »

I have tried.. believe me..

I acknowledge my musical talent and that's probably the one thing I like about myself (mainly due to the knowledge that it's not something many other people have) but to like myself physically I would have to have at least one thing to be proud of. I have to have one thing that other people would like to have if you know what I mean.. How can I like my body if everything about it is sub-par and that most other healthy men have something better....

But how do you know? I've seen plenty of male bodies and I can tell you a vast majority of them are faaaaaar from the image that's shoved in our faces by the media. Most bodies of average healthy men are mediocre but all have room for improvement if you're willing to put the work in. What exactly do you not like about your body and we'll see if anything can be done to improve it.

Handsome Bob

I think you'll eventually wake up one day and say to yourself "I'm pissed off feeling like **** all of the time." And why do you feel like ****? Because of how other people see you? That's no way to live mate.

I think you need to stop revolving your thinking around how women view you. Every time I forget about my own hang ups and generally stop thinking 24/7 about why some women find me unattractive I find that it improves my mood and confidence considerably. The problem is that you are basing your own happiness on how other people view you. **** that, if you keep thinking like that it will mess up your mental health big time.

John Mason

thewindcries wrote: »

I have tried.. believe me..

I acknowledge my musical talent and that's probably the one thing I like about myself (mainly due to the knowledge that it's not something many other people have) but to like myself physically I would have to have at least one thing to be proud of. I have to have one thing that other people would like to have if you know what I mean.. How can I like my body if everything about it is sub-par and that most other healthy men have something better....

so out of my whole post thats all you got ??

seriously!!!!

looks are nothing you could look like brad pitt but if you have a horrible person inside that will show on the outside and you will be as ugly as sin.

you might be no oil painting but if you are nice happy person, it will show on the outside and you will glow with beauty.

beauty comes from the inside

you need to get professional help

LegacyUser

i really hope no one takes this the wrong way but I've been told that I'm very attractive several times, growing up and as an adult, and every guy I've gone out with, except one, has been very unattractive and visually unappealing.

My last boyfriend was actually ugly, no messing, and I've never fancied a guy so much in my life. He was funny and a great friend and supportive and I was crazy about him for these characteristics. And I wanted to jump into bed with him every chance I got and I loved feeling him up and all that !! As it happened he left me and only THEN did EVERYONE say 'oh god he was so ugly and you were too good for him' ! I was shocked cos I didn't really see it.

But honestly op, you being a good guy and a good friend would be so attractive to a girl.
A good personality is so great in any person. Please get past the looks thing.

Stu

Attaching your self esteem to how you think you look is a very bad idea. Looks fade, we all age. Infact being considered good looking when you are young can cause people problems later in life when the looks that got them noticed begin to fade and they haven't developed any other talents/skills that increase their self esteem having solely relied on looks to get noticed.

Self esteem in my opinion grows through your interactions with other people. Being a kind, decent person and having healthy relationships, goals and passions. Looks are but a very small part of feeling good but unfortunately OP, you are at an age when looks seem to be the be all and end all in how people evaluate each other.

I'm 33 now and when i think back to when i was 20, i was obsessed with how i looked and if women found me attractive. Although its nice to be noticed by the opposite sex, i have so much more going on in my head that keep me occupied these days that how i look to other people is low down the list in whats important. Infact, while i was better looking at 20 than i am now, i'm a happier person today because i'm a more well rounded person with some life experience. In time, you will feel the same OP, chin up.

legend365

thewindcries wrote: »

I go through so many awful moments where I see a really attractive girl and yet can't even glance at her without a ''you're unworthy'' look right back at me. It kills me inside.

And its gonna keep killin you til you do something about it.

Spiritoftheseventies

Just a thought but have you thought about joining like a gym. Exercise is a very good outlet for the self esteem and you would be in a social environment.
There are plenty of good people out there.

NoQuarter

What exactly is wrong with your body? are you overweight or too skinny?

Can it be fixed watever it is??

itsasecret

i'm a little confused op,

You know there are woman out there who find you attractive but your not attracted to them. So the ones you are attracted to are just not into you. So is it not just a case of meeting the right one.

i think most people don't wake up and look in the mirror and go "hell look how hot i am" if they did make-up manufactures would go out of business. So in order to feel good about yourself you have to look at the over all picture and say wow i have some great musical talent, I'm a nice enough guy and try and get on with it.

You can drive yourself mad by comparing yourself to other people. And also from what i can tell most people have insecurity, some people have cosmetic surgery but most people just live with what they got and most of the time when someone grows to care about you they tend to think you are the hottest thing on the planet.

My 2 cents

LegacyUser

king-stew wrote: »

What exactly is wrong with your body? are you overweight or too skinny?

Can it be fixed watever it is??

It's the things that cannot be fixed that I hate about myself. My head is far too large for my body, I'm only 5'9 and I have small bone structure on top of that. Basically the exact opposite to what I would have expected to turn out like given my genes. Anyway that's another story..

Really it's my looks (facially) that I am most affected by though as that's the most important physical aspect in attraction. Also I have a sister who is blessed with good looks and that really makes me feel like ****e tbh. Really makes me wonder how the hell I turned out like I did.

dan719

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Seriously, both men and women go for people that are not considered universally attractive. Also being a man, you have the massive advantage that women are not as looks focused as lads. Seriously, get chatting to women in social situations, both with and without drink. You'll be amazed at how easy it is "to pull". Simply put, talk about something she enjoys, let her lead the convo, act interested (even better if you don't have to act), and off you go.

Deus Ex Machina

thewindcries wrote: »

I'm 20/male.

Probably since I first started becoming interested in the opposite sex I have felt inferior in comparison to most other males.

I hate the body I have been given. I despise how I have turned out, and given that I'm at the age now where I can expect not to change anymore physically, I have felt worse than ever these past few years.

It's one thing not being good looking (I would even say I'm below average looking), but to also be of 'unideal' height for a man, have a childish face and disproportioned body is just a real struggle for me.

I go through so many awful moments where I see a really attractive girl and yet can't even glance at her without a ''you're unworthy'' look right back at me. It kills me inside.

And btw I believe that the popular 'it's personality that's the most attractive aspect to women' theory is bullsh!t.

I get angry at the world and at myself almost every night and drink (often heavily) as a way of expressing my anger and hatred towards my body. I enjoy drinking (alone) too so I guess I see it as, if my body is useless at giving me a normal life and attracting women, then I may as well put it to some use until it expires..

Why are so many people so fortunate? Why did I have to be one of the few who was truly left with nothing?

I am ugly too, it doesn't bother me. I think an encouraging aspect to your post is that you have recognised the fact that you are ugly. The worst part in the process for me was that stage when I was not sure whether or not I was ugly, so I sometimes felt I was not bad looking, only for that feeling to be shot down by the inevitable encounter with the truth. Eventually I accepted that I am ugly which meant that I no longer had my hopes raised and dashed.

LegacyUser

Hey OP

I get hung up on my looks from time to time too. Used to be a major issue and depressor for me, less so now.
Basically I was a pretty kid - everyone said so. Up to age 12. Then i was an ugly teenager (or so i thought - but looking back at old photos defo a bit of an ugly duckling). Got bullied at school too (never about my looks mind you) so had basically no self esteem for a long time. So roll on college years, spent thinking i was unattractive and weird looking. Not comfortable with my body or face, too many hang ups to mention.
So now im 26 and when I look back at photos of me age 20 to 23, a time i had zero self esteem and hid from the world, I was actually pretty good looking actually. Always though i was too skinny, but was actually slim, lean and with good proportions - now im a bit fat. Thought i was going bald - nope, had a good head of hair, but now i really am going bald. Thought my head was a weird shape and my lower face was too thin. Nope - had nicely defined face. Now i seem to have put weight on my face which doesnt look right, and now that i am really losing my hair my head looks....odd....i think.

So my point is i spent a long time thinking i was below par, but in retrospect i had every reason to like how i looked.
Now, i wish i still looked how i looked only a few years ago. Maybe in 5 years i'll look back and think i looked great when i was 26!

LegacyUser

Im going to sound like a conceted d i c k h e a d by saying this Op, and its not arrongance, I think what I have to say may be of help to you. Im pretty decent looking, I get plenty of attention from women, lots of looks and flirting. At the start that is, but then they get to know me a little and they lose interest. My personality needs a lot of work. I can be blunt and unforgiving with people, Im very cynical, fairly judgemental, a bit misantropic aswell. Big chip on my shoulder to boot.
My point is, looks will get you nowhere. It pains me to say it, but its all about personality. Im trying to change mine so that Im not such an asshole. I know you feel like you have nothing because you think youre not good looking but this is creating a massive barrier between you and the world. But like I said, looks aint all that, looks add up to a whole pile of nothing. So your job is to let it go man. You cant change your looks, not in any dramatic fashion anyway. I dont agree with the, go to the gym advice. I understand where people are coming from with this but I think it feeds into the shallow concept of looks even more. Going to the gym just to look good is a bit vain. Im not saying dont go to the gym, by all means go, but go for a good reason, dont go for vanity. I mean rugby players will work on their core strength a lot because its vital in the sport. Basketball players will do a lot of plyometrics becasue its important for explosive jumping movements. Even old age pensioners will go to the gym because their back is weak or whatever and needs streghtening. So Get yourself fit for a good reason, by playing a sport you like for example. Dont do it to have a nice looking body, I mean that'll be a by product. Play a sport and go to the gym for the love of it and to be healthy. All of it just to be healthy, because if your body is healthy your mind is healthy.
The booze is going in the opposite direction. Alcohol is literally poison for your body and mind. I know quite a few muslim people, they dont drink and let me tell you they are some of the happiest folks you'll ever meet in life. They dont drink for very good reasons. So knocking the booze on the head alone will do you a world of good.
I know its hard to hear but you've made your looks the scapegoat for the reason why youre not happy in life. But for the sake of argument what if you believed this not to be true. What if you were told for 100% certainty that your looks had nothing to do with anything. What would you be left with then? Let it go and start working on the things you can actually change and the things that really matter.

jpm4

the_other_side wrote: »

Im going to sound like a conceted d i c k h e a d by saying this Op, and its not arrongance, I think what I have to say may be of help to you. Im pretty decent looking, I get plenty of attention from women, lots of looks and flirting. At the start that is, but then they get to know me a little and they lose interest. My personality needs a lot of work. I can be blunt and unforgiving with people, Im very cynical, fairly judgemental, a bit misantropic aswell. Big chip on my shoulder to boot.
My point is, looks will get you nowhere. It pains me to say it, but its all about personality. Im trying to change mine so that Im not such an asshole. I know you feel like you have nothing because you think youre not good looking but this is creating a massive barrier between you and the world. But like I said, looks aint all that, looks add up to a whole pile of nothing. So your job is to let it go man. You cant change your looks, not in any dramatic fashion anyway. I dont agree with the, go to the gym advice. I understand where people are coming from with this but I think it feeds into the shallow concept of looks even more. Going to the gym just to look good is a bit vain. Im not saying dont go to the gym, by all means go, but go for a good reason, dont go for vanity. I mean rugby players will work on their core strength a lot because its vital in the sport. Basketball players will do a lot of plyometrics becasue its important for explosive jumping movements. Even old age pensioners will go to the gym because their back is weak or whatever and needs streghtening. So Get yourself fit for a good reason, by playing a sport you like for example. Dont do it to have a nice looking body, I mean that'll be a by product. Play a sport and go to the gym for the love of it and to be healthy. All of it just to be healthy, because if your body is healthy your mind is healthy.
The booze is going in the opposite direction. Alcohol is literally poison for your body and mind. I know quite a few muslim people, they dont drink and let me tell you they are some of the happiest folks you'll ever meet in life. They dont drink for very good reasons. So knocking the booze on the head alone will do you a world of good.
I know its hard to hear but you've made your looks the scapegoat for the reason why youre not happy in life. But for the sake of argument what if you believed this not to be true. What if you were told for 100% certainty that your looks had nothing to do with anything. What would you be left with then? Let it go and start working on the things you can actually change and the things that really matter.

This guys speaks a lot of sense....I would also be considered good looking enough and yet I am generally rubbish with women! Being good looking for a man simply doesn't mean anything like it does for a women - it's a bonus but that's about it. Once you get your head around that you may finally start to find some happiness in your life. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

A bad personality can be changed with time and effort. Looks cannot.

ribbongirl

Don't feel hopeless, your body and face change up into your late twenties. Your opinion may also. From my own experience i despised by face and body in my teens and early twenties. I don't know what happen but i learned to accept, not love but like some of my features. I have gone to talk to somebody which probably helped with low self esteem least and also in realising there were somethings that weren't so bad. Right now, i am with a guy i would have never dreamed of being with and believe or not im starting to feel worthy of him and he makes me feel good about how i look. I have no doubt this will happen for you, just try not to let looks stop you living a full life.

The Recliner

gonnaplayrugby wrote: »

<Snip> Text Speak deleted </Snip>

Come back and give advice when you learn how to type please

OS119

thewindcries wrote: »

A bad personality can be changed with time and effort. Looks cannot.

you ain't gonna pull by sitting in a dark corner and glaring at people over the enormous chip on your shoulder...

looks do change, they change significantly as you gain and loose weight, when you change your hairstyle, grow a beard, even with the choice of clothes you wear.

lots of ugly people who smile and take part in life score, but precious few moping, hard-done-by, whiney blokes who creep girls out by staring at them do. get out of the house, do some exercise, do something different and loose the chip on your shoulder - then, while you may still be a swamp-donkey, you will become an attractive person , which, being something of an old swamp donkey myself, i can assure you is far more useful for felling the panties of young lovelies than being some scented, but entirely vacuous, pretty boy with wet hair.

kiwi123

OP what are you looking for? An answer to the question of why some people are fortunate or some advice on how to help yourself feel better?

i have never met a person who does not harbour inhibitions or is self conscious in some way. The trick is to not let them cripple you. Confidence is all an act, it's all a game. I suggest you start playing. It may not change you physically, but will make you a lot more appealing. Walk into a room with a smile on your face and people will notice you as a positive energy, someone up for a laugh, having the craic, enjoying life. As a girl i can safely say that is a turn on. It's up to you now to decided whether or not you want to accept all of these lovely peoples advice. There are 38 replies on this thread all coming up with ways to help you to help yourself. The desire for change has to come from you now.

Good luck op x

LegacyUser

thewindcries wrote: »

A bad personality can be changed with time and effort. Looks cannot.

Well done, you got it, you understand! Not being cheeky OP but its actually a great thing that you realise what you can and cant change.
Look I know life isnt fair, some people are born physically beautiful others not so beautiful. Some are born with great athletic ability, others couldnt even run a mile. Some people are born into stable, loving, supportive families others are born to crack whores. Some people are sexually abused as children others are treated like royalty. This is life, sure it sucks but what can you do? As far as I can see the only thing you can ever do is to accept. You say youre not so good looking, fair enough, I'll take your word for it OP. So what happens now? Do you spend the rest of your life angry because you werent born as good looking as Brad pitt or George Clooney? You said it yourself, looks cant be changed, personality can. So you have a choice: You can let this eat you alive and detroy your life(trust me, it will)or you can accept the way things are and work on the stuff you have control over.
Like I said before, I think youre making your physical appearance a scapegoat here. Youre saying that the reason youre not happy is because of your looks. That basically means that you think if you were good looking you'd be sorted, you'd be happy. Believe me when I say this, that is nonsense. Even if all of a sudden you had movie star looks and girls threw themselves at you on the street, it wouldnt make a difference to your life or your level of happiness. If you got that, if you had the looks and women did lust after you, it'd make you happy for about 5 minutes, and then there'd be something else you didnt have that if only you posssessed would make you happy. Its a bottomless pit. Your happiness does not depend upon whether or not your good looking or if girls fancy you. I know thats very Dr. Phil and all but its true. I'll say it again, even if by some miracle you achieved the looks you desire and women all of a sudden noticed you and chased after you, it wouldnt make a difference.

From your posts it sounds as if youve made your mind up OP, that looks are what really matter. Even though pretty much everybody here is telling you different. Thats fine, I used to be terrible at taking advice myself, always had to learn things the hard way. And thats fair enough because the lessons in life that have really stuck with me are the ones Ive learned for myself, the hard way. Some people are good at taking advice, others need to learn things for themselves. But thats cool. It may take a year, it may take 2 or 3 or 4 or 10, but eventually, Ive found that if something is inherently true, if something is indisputably true in life, you'll eventually understand and accept it.
So if you dont want to listen to anybody thats ok, do what you gotta do OP. All I ask is that you keep one thing in mind and that is, the possibility that what you thnk about looks isnt true and what people here have said is true. Just the possibility thats all, not asking you to ditch what you think entirely.
When people have certain beliefs in life they tend to notice things that back up these beliefs and filter out everything else. So you may notice the good looking stud with an attractive girl and think: See there it is again, life is crap, only really good looking guys get the girl. Im right, looks are everything.........But you may not notice the baldy guy with the hook nose who is also with an attractive girl. You filter out what doesnt support your belief. What Im saying is look around and question what you think. Try to see the whole picture, try to keep in mind the possibility that what you believe may not be accurate.

mudbath142

Hi,

I can only relate to my experience but when I was young I was constantly referred to as skinny, lanky, scrany, etc. I was humiliated by my mother a couple of times when my sister had a friend over to our house. It was summer and I had my top off. My mother was giving out about me on front of the others and then turned around and said "sure, there's nothing there of you anyway".

It obviously hit home as from the age of 12 I got involved in exercising (initially doing pushups, chinups) and eventually body building and changed my physique completely. Now, I'm not suggesting this is the route you take as it may not be practical, etc. I still train very intensely to this day (i'm almost 40). Mind you, my reasons are different now and more to do with fitness and health than posing on front of the ladies as I'm married anyway.

In any case, growing up I always had a very negative body image and its only in the past 10-15 years that I've managed to change it. I know it has already been pointed out that your mental health should not be dependent on your physical appearance but for a lot of us, its hard to get around that. You say your head is too big for your body (I have the opposite problem), well, work on your body to make it bigger and gradually try to improve the way you think about yourself....

Let me know if you want guidance on a good training program to get started (I'm a qualified fitness instructor and personal trainer also) .

In the meantime, read some self-help books or even try counselling. Work on your mental as well as physical health!