Unsure

sumatra

Ok so just found out Im pregnant, very early stages but definitely am. I always said I didnt want kids, more than just said it like it was my ethos. And all people I ever have been with knew that and my family were always aware. The thing is Im not sure anymore but Im only 30% swayed to keeping it. I was using protection had the implaron for last 2 and a half years and 4wks ago got it out and went on to microlite. was dating someone in last 3 wks but that is over now. ( i feiced up on that) but am over a wk late and took test to find it positive. I have since found out im allergic to some composition in microlite and thaats why it didnt work. Anyhow there is the background, my question is should I tell the father of the baby the situation and when should I tell him, things have been a bit stale between us. texted him earlier to ask did he want to meet for a 'coffee' (just got the sudden confidence) but he turned me down, god im so confused advice needed. either way if i keep oor not should i tell...

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

I do think you should tell him. And soon. He can't force you to make a decision but it is only fair that he knows about his child. I think most men would want to know if their ex-partner was pregnant with their child.

Try ringing him instead of texting. Explain that it's important that you speak to him. Don't break it to him over the phone unless absolutely unavoidable.

Also, maybe consider calling the Crisis Pregnancy Centre at 01 814 6292.
They will be able to help you to decide where to go next.

Hope everything works out for you OP.

CR

Katgurl

Congrats firstly op.

Secondly I think you need get your own head straight before you contact the father.

Dealing with an unexpected pregnancy is overwhelming, I'm speaking from experience.

Can you speak to a family member? Also contact a counsellor from positive options or crisis pregnancy.

Best of luck with your decision. You have a bit of time so don't do anything rash.

The Sweeper

OP if you believe there's still a chance you will terminate the pregnancy even if the father of the child would like you to take it to term, it would be better for him if you didn't tell him. The assumption is that he'll react badly, most probably, and you'll be left on your own, but what happens if he's delighted and overjoyed about being a father, but you realise you don't want to do it and you terminate the pregnancy? He has no rights in this regard, and it would be really and truly horrible for him.

If you want to be a mother, that's something you absolutely must decide for yourself. You cannot be influenced by other people, because in this day and age especially, other people won't always be around for you.

Make your decision yourself, and when you're happy with it, you can decide to let the child's father know. You have plenty of time on that front - he'll need time to get his head around the idea too, but you do have the time. Just don't bring in a bloke with whom you have basically no relationship and who you've only known for three weeks, to help you make a decision this big.

cafecolour

I'd second talking to a pregnancy counselor.

I'd probably skip on telling the father TBH. If you were with him for a while, or there was any chance of him still being in your life, I'd say tell him. Given that he won't even see you for coffee, and you only dated him for 3 weeks (if I understand correctly?), I'd say leave it.

As whether to keep or not - I'd say don't feel pressured to, but don't say no just because you'd told yourself you didn't want kids before. Over the last 10 years, I've gone from not wanting kids in theory (since 20+ years is a long commitment for me for anything) to sort of wanting them despite the work involved. It's a lot of work and commitment though, of course, so think through your decision thoroughly.

LegacyUser

Don't tell him. Look after yourself.
Get counselling. get help. Stay calm. Realize that your hormones are now in control.