Sick of sexist office

LegacyUser

Hi there,

The office where I work is full of sexist older men. The younger one's I have to say seem to have a bit more cop on thankfully. The older ones oogle women constantly and at meetings make comments about what women are wearing etc.

Yesterday I was at a meeting and one of the guys (chief sleaze) was talking about how he was heading off to Lanzarote at the weekend. This guy has a couple of young teenage daughters. One of the other guys pipes up "Can I come with you wouldn't mind getting an eyeful of your daughters in a bikini". Chief Sleaze cracked up laughing -thought this was great craic. Does anyone else think that this is highly inappropriate?

I guess it is his business if he doesn't care that others objectify his daughters but naively I thought men who had teenage daughter would have a bit more respect. Maybe not though after reading some of the AH posts I was horrified that some of the posters who make degrading sexual comments to women actually have daughters. Maybe they wouldn't care either if others men made the same comments about their daughters in years to come.

Anyway rant over.
I can't leave me job at the moment but just wondering how others deal with this crap? If you say anything you are called an uptight feminist bitch etc. with no sense of humour. (handy that). I would have been equally horrified if a female said "wouldn't mind getting an eyeful of your son in his speedos".

PirateShampoo

The man might of been laughing on the outside but i can guaranty he was thinking about pulling the other chaps head off on the inside.

Its what men do, a outward show of a weak emotion would just invite more attacks like that.

sajama

I have worked in an office where there were far more men than women, most younger but some older with children, and I have to say I would have been shocked to hear men say something like that. No (decent) man I know would let his friends talk about his daughters like that, least of all a colleague in an office - I agree with you that it is highly inappropriate!

Although I have heard comments from the men about other women in the office and I hate when they do that, especially as I (also a girl) was sitting in the same area of them. I know they'll say it's "harmless" and "a bit of fun" and I did try and not pay attention to them but when this type of talk went on so often it did bug me.

And you're right they would write you off as uptight and "no fun" if you say anything (not that I ever did - I got on with them well enough otherwise so I'd just get on with my work when they started talking like that)

Anyway I guess that's my rant over with lol - not sure if there's anything that can be done though. And funny enough I noticed too in general the younger ones were grand - it's the older, married ones that would make these comments. I dunno, maybe the younger men are just more discreet about it?

minidazzler

OP, if you are uncomfortable with the banter in the office you can go to HR.

These guys are just used to a certain way of communicating, it's not really a problem unless someone is getting offended, which you are. So your choices are put up with it, or go to HR.

The Comment about his daughters is nothing too bad TBH, it's like lads talking about each others mothers, it will happen and as long as noone is offended it's OK really.

As for AH, eh, it's an internet forum, anything goes as long as it's legal. That's a case of put up or shut up really. If you are offended there jsut don't read it.

seenitall

minidazzler wrote: »

OP, if you are uncomfortable with the banter in the office you can go to HR.

These guys are just used to a certain way of communicating, it's not really a problem unless someone is getting offended, which you are. So your choices are put up with it, or go to HR.

The Comment about his daughters is nothing too bad TBH, it's like lads talking about each others mothers, it will happen and as long as noone is offended it's OK really.

As for AH, eh, it's an internet forum, anything goes as long as it's legal. That's a case of put up or shut up really. If you are offended there jsut don't read it.

This is exactly the kind of attitude that the OP is finding it so difficult to handle or understand (I am in agreement with her BTW), except you are purporting to help. Oh the irony... :rolleyes:

NoQuarter

Im with minidazzler here, the daughters comment is typical laddish behavior. When i read the thread title i had some sympathy because i thought the OP was getting the sexist remarks toward her etc.. but they aren't.

If im honest i think the OP is a prude from her post and not liking what you see in AH? I know stuff can be a bit unsavoury there but she really needs to get thicker skin!

PS. no offence! :rolleyes:

Angus Og

Though you have to remember that not everyone has a thick skin, and we of the thick skins should be more considerate of those who have not the same level of toleration.

I wouldn't call it prudish to be annoyed by this behaviour. Frankly, if someone talked like that about my daughters I wouldn't be happy. It all boils down to quite complicated matters based around attraction and what we learn as people. What is ok for one person is not ok for another. We have to accept that. If we don't, how can we tell another person to lighten up or call them a prude.

What makes us lighten up, or less prudish?

That's something for a proper debate, but as for the OP I'd have to say that it's ok to be annoyed, you have a right. If someone remarked about my daughters like that, the first thing I'd display is suspicion, then again, if this is in the middle of a meeting, there is a certain degree of 'putting off' until a more appropriate time to argue.

NoQuarter

Some good points Angus. Although people do have different toleration levels i just find it hard to understand someone in this day and age being offended about something like that!

No person will say anything about somebodies daughters without knowing the person very well so its safe to assume that the offender knew the mans reaction would be lighthearted.

I dont know any formula to make a person lighten up but if this is the level that shocks the OP then she is in for a bumpy ride!

Angus Og

Yes, that's very true. I guess I always seek the middle ground. Until the day I die I know I will learn from other humans. We all will, and it's something we have to accept.

I'd just like the OP to know that we all learn together, and that the OP is not alone. Accepting that some men will laugh it off is part of the learning process.

seenitall

king-stew wrote: »

No person will say anything about somebodies daughters without knowing the person very well so its safe to assume that the offender knew the mans reaction would be lighthearted.

If you believe that, then you believe that there are no bullies or siht-stirrers in the world. I don't know who's in for a bumpy ride here...

Having said that, OP I understand where you are coming from but my advice would be to try and not let it get to you. I hate sexism and sexist "jokes" but you do have to know how to pick your battles, and I really don't think that this is something that would deserve your expanding your energy in the HR office or similar. If it became something more personally directed at you, or something more vulgar and inappropriate, then my advice would be different.

Good luck to you.

NoQuarter

seenitall wrote: »

If you believe that, then you believe that there are no bullies or siht-stirrers in the world. I don't know who's in for a bumpy ride here...

I didnt really feel the need to qualify my statement as i assume everybody realises there are exceptions to everything but obviously i forgot about the pedants that lurk in PI.


PS. smooth sailing this side

seenitall

king-stew wrote: »

PS. smooth sailing this side

Good to know. It would also go some way to explaining your attitude.

cafecolour

sat11 wrote: »

If you say anything you are called an uptight feminist bitch etc. with no sense of humour.

If you say 'thats offensive', yes. Just approach it with a sense of humour and play into their sexist assumptions a bit. Next time they get into it, you could make a comment like "Lads. My poor dainty feminine ears! I understand boys talk and all, but could you tone it done while there are those of us of the fairer sex around?"

If they protest, you can add "Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I try and keep the girl talk to a minimum when I'm around guys."

If it persists, try joining in, but with a 'stereotypical female' approach - ie:

Lad: "Did you see Mary in accounting today? Jesus the way those pants were riding up her ass."

You jumping in: "Oh those are lovely pants. I think they're from H&M - I really like the cut of some of their clothes. I think the blue went very well with shoes too, which were the cutest things, don't you think?"

They'll get the picture quick enough.