I heard shocking stuff about my cousin's husband

LegacyUser

I have an issue that I would like to get some advice on. Its not as serious as some of the stuff that goes on in here sometimes, but as Ive been grazing on it for a few days now, I though I might put it up for a few opinions and see where it goes.



A cousin of mine has recently gotten married in the last few months. The guy seemed nice enough, nothing special really in my eyes, but able to wind her around his finger whilst making it look as though hes the one who adores her. I might as well just come clean and say theres always been something a bit fishy about him and Ive never been his biggest fan but theres not much I can do about that, love is love.



So, shes changed a good bit in the fact that shes faded in confidence and everything in the world come after him and before her. His business failed (he blamed rising costs) - and he joined her already established business and has started sucking that dry as well.



I ran into a friend that I hadn’t seen for ages in town yesterday and we caught up over a coffee. The last time I had seen this friend was at a wedding about 6 years ago and he would have known my cousins husband as an acquaintance back then. A bit circular, but in our trade, Dublin is pretty small to work in.



This guy has no love for the NH and he told me a few very unsavoury things about him and the way he treated his ex girlfriend. Basically, they had a child together, it was stillborn and he was a terror to her after, she got pregnant again, he said he didn’t want it and left. She miscarried after and had a few health issues from it that she was left to cope with alone. There’s more like violence, bullying and financial abuse that pretty much makes for uncomfortable listening. They were a good few years together and he laughed at how he treated her with his friends – including this guy that he hardly know. Hs was out of it one night and just ran on and on about her such a nasty manner that most of the party left the area as they were too embarrassed to listen to him…..and that was when he was getting married.



Do I tell what I know? I think no due to them being married now, but she thinks that he was really kind to his ex when they broke up. Hes basically a scavenger of class, both his wife and apparently his exs are really nice well brought up girls. The ex he was laughing at is now married and has a child. Hes from a scumbucket estate, but in fairness to the guy he has educated himself and done ok for himself, but only on her coattails and on his exs it would appear as well.



I suppose my point is that is he has portrayed one side to her, whereas the rest of us see him for what he actually is (always have) and now that this has come to light, its hard to swallow being in his company knowing what a sort of person he really is. Its common knowledge apparently amongst his peers what he did, but nobody mentions it. Shouldn’t he have been honest with K*** and said that he had been violent in the past? I have a huge amount of respect for the friend that told me all this and it was done in a “I can’t believe she actually married him” spirit of incompatibility as opposed to scurrel.



If I had known this before the wedding, I would have said something maybe, but now I think its too late without causing huge rifts in the family. Its hard to see him draining her lifeblood (and money) and I get bad vibrations about where this will end up as there is an already established pattern of behaviour in his past. Emotional abuse, control, heavy drinking, overbearing and cruel, all packaged up in a tall charming package. I cant even explain what I don’t like about the guy in a way that portrays how my alarm bells rang shortly after meeting him and now just go off like foghorns every time I chat to my cousin.



Theres another thing, I suspect hes also an alcoholic. Not an everyday drinker but cant get enough into himself once he starts. He smokes as well, yet at the same time tut tuts if she picks up a glass. Hes a total hypocrite in many ways.



Im getting angry just thinking about him now. Im still shocked at what I heard and yet not in the least bit surprised.

I think Ill keep quiet and monitor the situation. Would you agree?
Thanks a million!

Katgurl

Yes I'd keep quiet about the abusive past and your personal opininions but I would keep very close eye on your cousin and make sure she knows you're there to listen not judge if she ever needs you. The last thing you want is him twisting your discoveries into some conspiracy theory "she's jealous of your happiness etc" and then you'll be in no position to help.

Also unfortunately it's all hearsay now.

sajama

Yes OP I agree - you should just keep an eye on your cousin as the previous poster said, without saying anything to her.

She could end up falling out with you if you were to say something and then you would definitely not be able to watch out for her. Hopefully he won't repeat this "pattern" anyway.

jimmycrackcorm

Your cousin is married to him and they're in it together. If he makes her happy then you shouldn't interfere. You may be misinterpreting her confidence. Also previous relationships have not much bearing. Really its none of your business to interfere.