Do you have 'going out mates'?

LegacyUser

i have very few friends but i am 'friends' with this girl who i met in a class and we've gone out a few times at the w-ends.

i thought we were decent mates but then one w-end we went out and i told her about something major that had happened in my life and she listened along and all that. then i met her a couple of weeks later and she didn't even ask me what else had happened about the thing that i told her so she obviously couldn't careless about me but i did follow up on stuff she had told me.

since then i've cooled off seeing her but she was handy to go out with. so i'm wondering do people have w-end mates who they go out with just to get out but really they aren't good friends? she has since contacted me (it was normally me contacting her) asking to go out again soon.

i normally would never hang out with someone that i don't genuinely care about but i do need to get out and about.

Cianos

very few mates wrote: »

i have very few friends but i am 'friends' with this girl who i met in a class and we've gone out a few times at the w-ends.

i thought we were decent mates but then one w-end we went out and i told her about something major that had happened in my life and she listened along and all that. then i met her a couple of weeks later and she didn't even ask me what else had happened about the thing that i told her so she obviously couldn't careless about me but i did follow up on stuff she had told me.

since then i've cooled off seeing her but she was handy to go out with. so i'm wondering do people have w-end mates who they go out with just to get out but really they aren't good friends? she has since contacted me (it was normally me contacting her) asking to go out again soon.

i normally would never hang out with someone that i don't genuinely care about but i do need to get out and about.

So you have a mate who you enjoyed going out with and because they didn't raise one topic of conversation, you have since disregarded them as just a friend of convenience, who is 'handy' to go out with?

Give the girl a chance, relax, and stop putting so much pressure on the friendship. And if it turns out to be just an acquaintanceship then so what? At least you can still have fun together.

Monkey61

Go easy there OP, just because she forgot to ask you about one thing,doesn't really mean that she deserves to be cast aside.

Sometimes people genuinely forget, especially if your chatting away about other stuff. Once I came home from a night out and realised that I had forgotten to ask my best friend how her seriously ill father was, these things happen!

Friendships with different people are different. I have a group of friends that I would be quite close to in terms of how much I love them, how long I have known them and how much I would talk to them about - but, I doubt if you asked any of them when my birthday was that they would be able to tell you, even vaguely. I have another friend who wouldn't know me as well at all, would rarely see her, but once went to visit her for the first time in 3 years in the same week as my birthday and she had a present and cake for me. People are just different.

I have a good few friends that I really like, but know little about and really only see for parties and drinking. It doesn't make me like them any less just because I am not close to them in a certain way. I have friends that I might go to the cinema with, but would never see otherwise, or friends that I share certain hobbies with. I probably wouldn't rely on them in a crisis (even though I'm sure that I could) just because we are not close like that - but that's okay!

LegacyUser

You guys are getting the wrong impression. Its not just because of that one thing. Theres actually been a few things that have made me wary of her.

shes very desperate to get a boyfriend and its very cringey when we go out. she'd give her number to literally any guy that even glances at her and i think her main aim when going out is to hook up whereas i want to have a nice night out. I was also giving her lifts in my car when we went out and she totally took it for granted, no thanks or anything. I felt like a taxi service tbh. So honestly, i'm not being a pain in the a$$ here.

SugarHigh

I think you're being a bit hard on your friend. If someone told me something when we were on a night out and a bit drunk then I would just assume they were getting something off their chest at that time and I probably wouldn't bring it up again. It doesn't mean she couldn't care less.

cafecolour

Yeah, I definitely have a few close friends and then a wider swath of 'party/activity' friends. I think a lot of people are similar.

elleburp

OP I think you're being a bit harsh here too. I know it's polite to say thanks when someone gives a lift but maybe she's just not polite? Can you forgive that? Does she say thanks when you get a drink or hold her handbag while she takes her coat off? I can see where your coming from, I can relate to what you're saying because I've cut out friends like the one you've described and I know now that it was because I was too hard on them and expected too much from the friendship. So in answer to your question, no I don't have "going out" mates, I have friends and sometimes we go out. But as a single girl I would prefer to have one or two "going out" mates so I could go out when my real friends are at home with their babies/boyfriends/out with other friends..... Bottom line, you have to weigh up what's important to you? And I think you might need to lighten up a little, and stop giving driving if it bothers you that much when you don't get the appreciation you want

LegacyUser

ok the replies are great and i'll take everything on board regarding lightening up and it being cool if her role isn't exactly best buddy.

its great to get the opinions.

very few mates

very few mates wrote: »

ok the replies are great and i'll take everything on board regarding lightening up and it being cool if her role isn't exactly best buddy.

its great to get the opinions.

I have a fair few of these going out friends.. Mainly midweek drinks and then go out with closer friends at the weekend.
Just accept them for what they are, there's no scandel etc. that can come with close groups and I prefer it most of the times like that.
It's also a great way of meeting new people compared to going out with a close nit group.