How do I get back to before?

LegacyUser

OK. Long story short.

In the past six months, I have been attacked twice. I have posted about both attacks in various forums here; I am assuming a couple of people might recognise me as such; but it's still easier for me to post unregged for this.

I have been lucky in that, both times, it was only my bag that the people were after. Not me.

But the fact is ... the first time, I was punched very hard in the back of my head. It really hurt. For a couple of days after. Made me realise that, if they had done proper damage to my brain .... well, the attacker didn't give a s***.

My knees were ripped open on the footpath. My doctor tells me that those massive purple scars aren't likely to go away ever. Sucks a bit.

Clear unmistakeable handprints were left on my arm (I think that was the worst, the "imprintation" as such. Proof that it was other humans who did it.) The purple bruises of handprints were left on me both times. Even fingernail prints. Those bruises are gone now, thank god. Seeing them made me feel so "dirty" or something.

The fact of the matter is, the only long-term damage done is my knees. OK so I won't really be able to show my legs off in public again ... I'm cool with that. There are a lot of people who are a lot worse off that that following similar attacks.

But the thing is ... I was so naive before. But naive in a good way! I sort of feel like now, I'm far too paranoid. Now, I see the worst in everyone.

I mean, I can't relax all that much now. I thought I was so tough before. In fact, the second time it happened, I told the guy involved to go f*** himself! I'm not sure I could do that now. I realise just how not tough I am. Physically, like. I can't really change that.

I just want to be the innocent, naive, happy person that I was before. Is that even possible?

LegacyUser

OP, sorry to hear that this happened to you.
I'ts awful that it happened once, let alone twice.
I Kinda know how you feel in a way, I was attacked once, by a girl, who was underage.
Whacked my head against a pebble dash wall in a drug/drink fuelled frenzy.
The worst feeling is the kind of shock that goes along with the whole experience and then the realisation that the person that attacked you really really really did not give a RATs about you.

Anyway,
Driving is a good way to stay off the paths.
Be careful where you go at what time?
I don't know the exact circumstances of the attacks.
Did they get away with it?

wrap yourself in a invisible cloak of protection, and although this was ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUR FAULT, promise to try and not let it happen again, by making sure that you don't put yourself in risky situations.

Good Luck.x

LegacyUser

i can fully sympathise with you OP. I was attacked about five months ago and it was the most frightening experience of my life, i literarly thought i was gonna get killed. Was approached by these four local drugdealing scumbags (i was on my own) and got punched in the face, they threatened my life and threatened the safety of my family if i told the guards. Luckily thats was the end of it but for the next week i was living in fear, when i was out with my friends i was really paranoid that we might run in to them and my friends noticed that i was acting different. Even five months later im still paranoid when im walking through town or when im driving i always lock the car door. The shock i got that night really changed me and even now when typing this i get chills.

legend365

Give it time.

Confidence takes along time to come back.

People can tell you 'do this' or 'do that' but really the thoughts are always there in the back of your mind. Doing something will only distract but you wont forget. Yes i've been there but it took along time before i stopped plotting revenge and wanting to smash someones face in everyday.

Take each day as they come. Your confidence WILL come back

Lucyx

op i'm so sorry that happened to you. like someone said above once would be bad but twice would be very tough to come to terms with.

of course thats gonna be emotionally damaging to you and leave long lasting effects. i wonder do you need to talk about it with a professional? or a group that are survivors of attacks. i'm not even sure such a thing exists.

good luck to you

selfbuildkk

Hey OP sorry to hear about your ordeal. The only advice i can give you that hasnt been said already is in relation to the scars on your knees, maybe try bio oil my sister used it for a scar she had after a cesarean and the scar is virtually gone. Might be worth a shot. In relation to your confidence like the other posters said it will take time. Why not take a self defence class to get some of your confidence back?Best of luck with it all.

Piriz

hi OP,
sorry to hear your story..
speaking as someone who was left unconscious in a park once...and a bit of a paranoid mess for sometime after it...i can tell you that you will get back to your normal self at some point in the future, however, you will definitely not be as naive as you once were - which is a good thing...being naive is somewhat dangerous... being cautious and trusting your instinct will become new valuable skills which could become your new safety shield...
being cautious will not takeover your life but become a natural instinct that you will gain confidence from as it guides you.. you'll be fine!! (you sound lovely:D)