Help me?

LC2010HIS

Hey guys

so theres this guy who outta the blue sorta asked me out last year.
I said no cause i was taken a back but really regret it now.
Im shy . And sometimes believe "oh this is a joke", cause Im on the defense as Ive been messed about before.
Everytime hes sees me he goes pure red and my mam keeps askin what did i do lol .
Recently, was online and he asked me "meet up?" and i said i was busy. He didnt bother after, just logged off.
Im not sure about him. Cause if he liked me wouldnt he start off trying to get to know me? I want him to ask me out properly. I dunno why i rejected him twice .i really like the guy. But im kinda stunned hes possibly into me What should i do?

PK2008

The only thing you can do is ask him out

unless you are really really lucky and he tries his luck a 3rd time, in which case you say Yes instead of No, but honestly chances of this are slim as he's already been shot down twice.

LC2010HIS

PK2008 wrote: »

The only thing you can do is ask him out

unless you are really really lucky and he tries his luck a 3rd time, in which case you say Yes instead of No, but honestly chances of this are slim as he's already been shot down twice.

thing is, im either paranoid or right
so im wondering is this guy just lookin for action or having trouble expressing himself :eek: he goes red everytime i see him
but whats the diff between a booty call and being geniune?


i dont wanna make a fool of myself

Silverfish

Sorry OP, we don't allow polls in PI.

Reesy

My ignorant opinion: he's probably just shy & like you isn't sure how to make it happen. If you like him, make it known to him. If you get to meet him, take it slow & then decide whether you want to take it further.

Good luck.

LC2010HIS

Reesy wrote: »

My ignorant opinion: he's probably just shy & like you isn't sure how to make it happen. If you like him, make it known to him. If you get to meet him, take it slow & then decide whether you want to take it further.

Good luck.

Thanks. But im just so cautious about this. this is outta the blue and kinda weird considering he has no reason to like me coz he doesnt know me? Im damned if i do , damned if i dont. Hate being indescive!!

Funky Kingston

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Thanks. But im just so cautious about this. this is outta the blue and kinda weird considering he has no reason to like me coz he doesnt know me? Im damned if i do , damned if i dont. Hate being indescive!!

Ask him out but why not suggest getting a coffee or doing something during the day so you can get to know him better .... then you will see if there is something worthwhile happening!

LC2010HIS

Thank you

seenitall

LC2010HIS wrote: »

thing is, im either paranoid or right
He walked home with me the first time and outta nowhere: "wanna meet?" and i said "have a bf"(not true at the time.came outta nowhere ) and he said "no one has to kno"
the 2nd time : "meet up?" i said im busy. he disappeared.
so im wondering is this guy just lookin for action or having trouble expressing himself :eek: he goes red everytime i see him
but whats the diff between a booty call and being geniune?


i dont wanna make a fool of myself

Depends what you are looking for when meeting a guy at the moment. If you are looking for fun, seems good. Looking for something more and more long-term, I'd say your intuition is right on the money, and the guy is not good relationship material. Think about it: if he wouldnt mind sneaking around your (fictitious, but he didn't know that) boyfriend's back to be with you, how much would he mind sneaking around your back to be with someone else down the line?

legend365

Could be amazing.


Buuuut you'll never know if you dont do something about it :P

LC2010HIS

seenitall wrote: »

Depends what you are looking for when meeting a guy at the moment. If you are looking for fun, seems good. Looking for something more and more long-term, I'd say your intuition is right on the money, and the guy is not good relationship material. Think about it: if he wouldnt mind sneaking around your (fictitious, but he didn't know that) boyfriend's back to be with you, how much would he mind sneaking around your back to be with someone else down the line?

thats what im worried about!!
i do like him but i dont wanna be let down again. It would be nice to just get to know someone and see where it goes rather then being told by the guy where its not headed (thats happened in all my past relationships) just want something normal to happen in the love department for once

Motley Crue

you should have more confidence in yourself and go out with him, what could possibly be the harm

smileyscientist

Go for it, what have you to lose?? It either works out or it doesn't but you'l never know if you don't take the leap of faith

Id be chuffed if someone was so into me that they asked twice after beng turned down once..and u really like him so what is the harm?? Its all good from where Im standing.

Just say you were a little taken aback when he asked before and you made a rash decision. Im sure he wont care anyways- he'l be too busy being delighted you took him up on it.

Let us know how you get on & Best of Luck

LC2010HIS

smileyscientist wrote: »

Go for it, what have you to lose?? It either works out or it doesn't but you'l never know if you don't take the leap of faith

Id be chuffed if someone was so into me that they asked twice after beng turned down once..and u really like him so what is the harm?? Its all good from where Im standing.

Just say you were a little taken aback when he asked before and you made a rash decision. Im sure he wont care anyways- he'l be too busy being delighted you took him up on it.

Let us know how you get on & Best of Luck

Thanks
See, i dont wanna go on and on cause it should be straight forward enough
But - hes one of these footie stars of the school whos always with a group. Actually, after i turned him down the first time, he said hi ON HIS OWN.
Thing is, hes with his gang ALL THE TIME - seriously. He never says hi then. Shouldnt he go out of his way if he has interest?
that makes me uneasy.
Because, what if its his ego - oh she rejected me what the hell

Oh god im paranoid now.
He makes me nervous

zxcvbnm1

My good God ! I can't believe this thread.

OP - I don't mean this in an insulkting way but what age are you?
Maybe you are quite young in which case then i understand - it's all part of growing up.

But, the guy asked you out - TWICE !!

I'm not really sure what else he can do. he definitely won't ask you out a third time.
In fact I 'm shocked he asked you out a 2nd time..

So bottiom line is, given that he definitely won't ask you out a third time, if you want to go out with him you will have to ask him out.
It's as simple as that.

Analyzing as to when he does and doesn't say hi to you is absolute madness.
He's already asked you out twice !!

Edit : I just wee that you mentioned you are in school.
Op - he is probably quite shy due to having been rejected.
My advice ius if you like him then contact him and ask him out. Just tell him you were surprised and taken aback when he asked you oput previously.
I really don't think he will refuse your offer - even if you have already rejected him.
and you know what - worst case scenario he says no.
No big deal.

smileyscientist

I wouldnt look too much into the saying hi when hes with his mates- men act strangely when in packs esp at that age!! It was the exact same when I was in school

Just send him a text and see what the crack is (if you have his number) and if not just fb him.

Go for it and dont waste any more time skipping around it!!

LC2010HIS

ok im going to sort it.

Would it be best to say it to him in person??

LC2010HIS

Ok guys you prob all remember me asking for ur advice on a certain fello last month. The guy who asked me out twice i said no to?
Well, you were all right. He didnt ask me again. In fact - He is with someone else.
Karma is a bitch. Just when i decide to approach him. Then again, he was never short of girls so why would i think he was serious :rolleyes:
Thats ur update, since ye asked me to let you know. He was too young anyway. I should be with someone whos in the same mindset as me - trouble is finding someone like that now lol

The Recliner

Threads merged

LC2010HIS

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Cause if he liked me wouldnt he start off trying to get to know me?

What do you think going on a first date is for? Or asking you to go out with him somewhere. It IS a way of getting to know you.

LC2010HIS

i guess its safe to say - i screwed up?

But in my defense - he is a footie captain - girls falling over him - why the hell would he ask me? Im the nerdy girl? And older. Polar opposites. He knows nothing about me. And the way he was asking me sounded like a booty call. Either he finds it hard to express himself or im right.
TBH - i found it hard to believe and thought it was a joke or bet.
I'll never know now. But at least i didnt get a fool made outta me. And anyway - i cant be bothered babysitting hormonal little boys!

LC2010HIS

LC2010HIS wrote: »

why the hell would he ask me? Im the nerdy girl?

Some of us guys like the nerdy girls.

LC2010HIS

Deleted User wrote: »

Some of us guys like the nerdy girls.

well, in school, guys ignored me - literally my opinion was worth zilch. So, when he approached me - my first thought : Oh please. So tryna run back with stories to his buddies.
Its just....why like me when you have girls fallin over you. You know the -"Popular" ones lol

Liam Byrne

There was an important quoted post on page 1 that included a bit that the OP edited out of the original post....

LC2010HIS wrote: »

i said "have a bf"(not true at the time.came outta nowhere ) and he said "no one has to kno"

That would have been an indication of what he was like, and anyone who hadn't spotted that couldn't have given any worthwhile advice.

I'm also curious as to why the OP edited this out.....maybe in order to get more "go for it" replies as a confidence boost ?

LC2010HIS

Liam Byrne wrote: »

There was an important quoted post on page 1 that included a bit that the OP edited out of the original post....



That would have been an indication of what he was like, and anyone who hadn't spotted that couldn't have given any worthwhile advice.

I'm also curious as to why the OP edited this out.....maybe in order to get more "go for it" replies as a confidence boost ?

i edited? tbh i cant remember - maybe i phrased a sentence diff? I dont remember . By no means was it to get "go for it" responses. Why cant i remember editing! maybe i figured it wasnt relevant. Well, i think i was right to say no because i found this suss! I thought he was the H word at the time - so in a way - i was right to be suss
I guess i didnt wanna give too much away for someone to recognise me either.

LC2010HIS

LC2010HIS wrote: »

well, in school, guys ignored me

Sometimes it is hard for any of us to believe someone likes us. I was also the school loner back then and was as far from the school “looker” as it is possible to get. The only thing that saved me, unfortunately, was that there was one guy in my year people liked even less than me and he bore the brunt that I could so easily have.

Even now I am not hot, a bit wimpy, glasses, receding hair, the works. Yet I am in a great relationship with not one but two girls and every day I wonder “Why the hell do they like me, they are too super hot for me”.

The fact is it does not matter who you are, from the Brad Pitts to the average Joes. There is one thing that is true for everyone everywhere. There are people who will not fancy them in the slightest and there are people who will fancy them a lot. No matter who you are SOME people think you are hot. The goal in relationships is to find one of them.

So when someone shows an interest in you the thing to think is not “Why does this person like me” but “I have found one of the ones in this world who does, lets see where this goes, if anywhere”

SheRa

Op your gut told you to say no and you did. For your own sake you have to stop regretting this. He asked you out, you said no, he asked someone else out. Im sorry but that is not "karma" as you put it, its just him going out with someone else. Seriously you are giving yourself a hard time for absolutely no reason.

Deleted User wrote: »

Yet I am in a great relationship with not one but two girls and

:eek::eek::eek:

LC2010HIS

Is it so much to ask just to be asked out nicely? He didnt ask me for a date he asked me to kiss him and no one would have to know. What is that?

He was so tacky the way he asked me "meet up"?
Im afraid is this what people think of me? They can just ask me like this and ill accept. And he knows where i live. Im sure if he "liked" me so much to keep it up for two years, he'd make sure I knew it. Not when he feels like a "ride" at 6pm, looking through his facebook and trying it on with me.



Grr! I guess im giving myself a hard time because nothing is ever simple with guys. With me and guys. They dont ask me to go for coffee etc or have geniune interest in ME. And I read "hes just not that into you".....he was so booty calling.
At the same time, i feel im passing up oppurtunties i should be "grateful" for:p

SheRa (He-mans cousin right? Memory of cartoons not what it used to be)… has it right too. I think there are two issues here. One is, as SheRa said, that she turned the guy down and he moved on. So nothing to beat oneself up over. That’s just what happens. Not Karma, just reality.

It is worth focusing on the other issue too at the same time though, which is that the girl can not understand why anyone would like her at all in the first place. This guy is the one that got away, nothing we can do about that now really, but in future her doubts about herself are worth addressing to avoid her turning another guy down for a silly reason like “He couldn’t possibly like me”.

(Though having said that it sounds like in THIS case she got away lightly if the guy is as bad as she is now making out he might be)

Everybody out there is going to be hot to someone. No one is without merits or beauty in the eyes of some beholders. Do not second guess it when you find one of them. We all not only deserve love, but we all have people out there who will be only too happy to share it with us.

(PS as for the shocked faces SheRa, it is not what you think. All above board etc etc. Off topic, ask me another time ).

LC2010HIS

Deleted User wrote: »

This guy is the one that got away, nothing we can do about that now really, but in future her doubts about herself are worth addressing to avoid her turning another guy down for a silly reason like “He couldn’t possibly like me”.

I should be so lucky. I only seem to attract the idiots and a-holes.

They never try and get to know me. In fact - all they seem to do is remind me its not going anywhere.

My mammy always says "set a standard" - how can you when its not working? And no guy wants to abide by it? I swear, the "princes" dont exist.


Wow, im off topic now.

I have heard the phrase "I only seem to attract the idiots" (or some variation of it) so often in my life now that it can not possibly be the girls that are all somehow managing to be attracting the idiots. It has to be that there is just a high proportion of idiots in the population that makes up our side of the sexes.

At the risk of ripping off the old cliche "Its not you, its us"

LC2010HIS

why are guys only "nice" to a certain type of girl and dismiss me?

jessiejam

Young guys always seem to want the trophy girlfriend. this is what they see on the TV or in magazines etc.

As we grow we realise that there is more to partners than just looks. Young men also grow up and realise this.

Some men actually like the nerdy intelligent ones... When the looks fade, we need something attractive in our OHs to keep the relationship alive, some know this from the start others.... well...... take a bit longer

Could be any one of a million reasons, none of which mean you are unlikeable or unworthy of their attentions. Without knowing a hell of a lot more about both you and the kind of guys you are meeting (and how) I honestly could not give you any useful answer even as a random guess.

LC2010HIS

Deleted User wrote: »

Without knowing a hell of a lot more about both you and the kind of guys you are meeting (and how) I honestly could not give you any useful answer even as a random guess.

well, ill give my history but you'll be waiting. it seems long in my head.

Thats up to you Even then remember that anyone who replies on here is at best giving you an educated guess. We are all strangers no matter how much you detail for us here.

LC2010HIS

jessiejam wrote: »

Young guys always seem to want the trophy girlfriend. this is what they see on the TV or in magazines etc.

well, i guess its all walt disneys fault im still waiting for prince charming.
However, watching Edward Cullen on screen doesnt help

Liam Byrne

LC2010HIS wrote: »

i edited? tbh i cant remember - maybe i phrased a sentence diff? I dont remember . By no means was it to get "go for it" responses. Why cant i remember editing! maybe i figured it wasnt relevant.

Well, it's not in your 2nd post in the thread, which says "Last Edited 16-05-2010 at 14:02" and it is in seenitall's quote of that post @ 15-05-2010, 17:16

As to why you edited it out, I can't say (I'm not you).

But it would seem pretty relevant to me in a thread where you're asking

LC2010HIS wrote: »

I want him to ask me out properly. I dunno why i rejected him twice .i really like the guy. But im kinda stunned hes possibly into me What should i do?

Don't want to be cruel, but it did strike me as VERY strange to remove something so relevant; I actually read seenitall's quote and had to scroll up to see where you'd said it originally, and of course it was gone.

LC2010HIS

Deleted User wrote: »

Thats up to you Even then remember that anyone who replies on here is at best giving you an educated guess. We are all strangers no matter how much you detail for us here.

edited out at risk of someone recognising lol

LC2010HIS

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Don't want to be cruel, but it did strike me as VERY strange to remove something so relevant; I actually read seenitall's quote and had to scroll up to see where you'd said it originally, and of course it was gone.

honestly, i cant remember why. Seriously.
Im not tryna be "strange" lol i just dont remember tbh. its been a while.

Hah this doesn’t tell me anything about you really, just that 5 guys acted like idiots around you. Trust me, with the number of idiots that make up our sex, 5 guys is not too bad and I have heard a lot worse both statistically (girls with a MUCH longer string of idiots than you) and in terms of stories (girls with only a few stories but whoppers compared to what you have written here).

Face it, our species is not as civilised or as mature as we like to think it is. You are going to meet guys like this. Probably a lot more of them before you find a good one. But remember, like I said, “Its not you its us” is true in most of the situations I have personally experienced.

And in the end like I said we all find someone to treat us right eventually.

AngryBadger

OP at the risk of sounding harsh, your last post comes off like you don't know whether you're coming or going.

In 3 of the 5 examples you cite you paint yourself as a victim, maybe you were, or maybe you left yourself wide open to be mis-treated. In the other 2 examples, well one is the source of this thread, and as has been pointed out already there are some inconsistencies in what you're saying now vs. what you originally posted. The other example you describe as "Eww...End of".

In most of the above you assert that you had some hidden insight into what was really going on, but if that was the case then why did you bother with any of these guys?

I'm pointing this out because I've come across a lot of women who wind up "victims" of bad relationships for the simple reason that they either didn't have a clue what they wanted, or they simply didn't want to take responsibility for their own happiness.

You need to figure out exactly what you want, and then decide, based on the facts in front of you and not what's going on in your head, whether or not to pursue things with different guys.

Any other approach is only going to end in tears.

LC2010HIS

AngryBadger wrote: »

OP at the risk of sounding harsh, your last post comes off like you don't know whether you're coming or going.

In 3 of the 5 examples you cite you paint yourself as a victim, maybe you were, or maybe you left yourself wide open to be mis-treated. In the other 2 examples, well one is the source of this thread, and as has been pointed out already there are some inconsistencies in what you're saying now vs. what you originally posted. The other example you describe as "Eww...End of".

In most of the above you assert that you had some hidden insight into what was really going on, but if that was the case then why did you bother with any of these guys?

I'm pointing this out because I've come across a lot of women who wind up "victims" of bad relationships for the simple reason that they either didn't have a clue what they wanted, or they simply didn't want to take responsibility for their own happiness.

You need to figure out exactly what you want, and then decide, based on the facts in front of you and not what's going on in your head, whether or not to pursue things with different guys.

Any other approach is only going to end in tears.

I think i could of been a little wiser, i admit. Inconsistencies? I dont even remember editing. Im actually wrecking my head trying to think why i edited. Im trying to remember. Honest.
-The only thing these guys have in common is they approached me. And i felt like a back up. In fact, my "friend" at the time suggested guy no.2 only asked me out to get to my slut friend. And ever since, my confidence has been in tatters when it comes to relationships. But then again, those two people havent sniffed around since.
Ok , guy no.3 was a creep. So......

I am confused as to why those guys treated me that way. Like, ive never, well, ive tried to not look needy but looking back i seemed to be a victim. I dont want to be one.

AngryBadger

LC2010HIS wrote: »

-The only thing these guys have in common is they approached me.

Maybe that's the problem. There's often debate about the pros and cons of approaching people, particularly from the female perspective. Some guys love to be approached, some hate it, similarly some women are comfortable with approaching guys, some are not.

IMO the difficulty in not being willing to take the plunge yourself is that you're effectively limiting your pool of possible partners to whatever guys are willing to chat you up. To take one of your own examples, the guy who you maintain only chatted you up to get to your friend, if you'd been off chatting some other guy up you'd never have been in that situation to begin with.

Of course the flip side of that argument is that you may chat up the wrong guy and it may not work out, but at least if you're choosing the guys you chat up you will get better at picking the right guys since you know what you're basing your decision on in every case.

But if you're always sitting back waiting for guys to come to you, well you have no idea why they're approaching you, it could be for all the right reasons, it could be for all the wrong reasons, or it could be anything in between, the only consistency is that you don't know, and until you do know there's very little you can do about it.

LC2010HIS

AngryBadger wrote: »

But if you're always sitting back waiting for guys to come to you, well you have no idea why they're approaching you, it could be for all the right reasons, it could be for all the wrong reasons, or it could be anything in between, the only consistency is that you don't know, and until you do know there's very little you can do about it.

thing is ,I try to have convos with guys and they dont wanna know. They always see someone better.

AngryBadger

LC2010HIS wrote: »

thing is ,I try to have convos with guys and they dont wanna know. They always see someone better.

That's just life OP, we all experience that. There's no formula for finding someone who's a good match every time you look, you just have to keep trying.

Chin up.

LC2010HIS

im watching too many romances:rolleyes:

LC2010HIS

Hey ive an update

He asked for my no.
I meet up with him the other night.
I asked him what all this was about n he said "meet up like", while puttin on the macho man act !! he uttered like 2 words, actin the big man....

ok....wtf is that? :eek:

Nemanja91

He is probably just nervous!