Cutting family out of your life

LegacyUser

Has anyone done it before. Not the whole family but certain members? How do people get on without them? What about family gatherings with the whole extended family being there and noticing that two of us don't get along?

I have a sister who was very paranoid. She seemed to have thought that everything that went wrong in her life was my fault. She would constantly blame me for things that went wrong. I used to let it pass but there was so much i could take. She never apologised after her episodes of blaming me even if i could prove i didn't do such a thing. That was the worst part. Never apologising. I suppose she always thought she could get away with it. She never once accepted her own doings in it and tried to turn it around on me and told me i shouldn't be getting angry. What should i have done, sit back and take it from her? Being blamed for whatever that went wrong in her life?

For years before all this happened and we used to get along i have been getting the impression that she was jealous of me. For example, we were at a xmas party once and some guy was chatting me up. She saw this, came over while drunk, pulled him away and said he should be chatting her up! Even when if i was going out alone and needed a shower before going out and she wouldn't be going anywhere. She would get into the bathroom first and shower herself just to slow me down. God forbid i might look good!

She always thought life was all about her. She would come home talk all about herself but then cut me off as soon as i said anything about me. Just get a huff. She once wished me dead and belted me across the head until i was bleeding. Getting hit on the head, i could have ended up dead! And she said i deserved it.

I haven't spoken to her in the past year and life is so much easier without her problems. But i miss having a sister. Without her moods she can be fine but at 28 she won't change. Give it time and she will start treating me like dirt again. If she can't be civilised towards me and treat me like a human being, i don't want her in my life.

Has anyone ever cut family members out of their life?

issuess

issuess wrote: »

Has anyone ever cut family members out of their life?

I know a person whose brother cut him out of his life for over a decade (for a completely ridiculous reason, but that's not the point). The person was diagnosed with cancer and all of a sudden the brother wanted to be best friends with him again.

The moral of my story is that if you're going to cut an immediate family member out of your life, ensure that you will do so forever and unwaveringly. You must be prepared for the eventualities that will occur, such as weddings and funerals, during which time you may be tempted to re-establish contact. If you absolutely cannot have your sister in your life and you must keep her out of it permanently, then do so, but just be aware that there will be times when you will want to re-consider.

Funky Kingston

Deleted User wrote: »

I know a person whose brother cut him out of his life for over a decade (for a completely ridiculous reason, but that's not the point). The person was diagnosed with cancer and all of a sudden the brother wanted to be best friends with him again.

The moral of my story is that if you're going to cut an immediate family member out of your life, ensure that you will do so forever and unwaveringly. You must be prepared for the eventualities that will occur, such as weddings and funerals, during which time you may be tempted to re-establish contact. If you absolutely cannot have your sister in your life and you must keep her out of it permanently, then do so, but just be aware that there will be times when you will want to re-consider.

I agree , maybe you can just back off and be civil when you need to be ??

My brother and I are not close at all due to alot of crap that happened but we have always remained civil . I had to bite my toungue alot and deal with some hurtful situations but when it comes down to it there is more in a family then just you and her. When family times are tough and everyone needs to pull together you will be glad that there is no added pressure because of how you feel ..... i know this because i've been in that position.

Do be careful though , you do not deserve that crap from your sis so protect yourself , unfortunatly sometimes you cannot choose your family .

Best of luck OP xx

LegacyUser

Correct me if i am wrong here. But have you not already cut contact with your sister by not speaking to her for the past year?

I know a couple of siblings who one has cut contact with the other. She was very good at playing the victim game and blamed her sister for their troubles when in fact she was the cause of a lot of troubles within her family. She cut contact with her sister over very little reasons. She didnt even try to resolve issues beforehand. She just stopped talking to her sister and left her hanging in the air. Her family were very hurt by this and not one single person speaks to her now. No familiy. No friends (they belonged to the same group of friends and they sided with her sister). Your post was all about how bad of a bully your sister is. There is two sides to every story and there is probably more to this than you're letting on.

I really dont see the point in your post since you have already cut contact with your sister.

LegacyUser

I cut my brother out about a year ago.
It was the best decision I ever made. I just realised how much effort I put into trying to keep the peace, and listening to his constant abuse, and trying to reason but not getting anywhere.

The reason it was a clean break is because of a big row. If I was doing it again, I'd probably just try to distance myself from him. Try to recognise his scheming and not get sucked in. But to remain civil. Not try to be friends with him... more like a workmate that I just happen to have to put up with.

As it is, I just found it easier and less stressful to cut him out altogether but perhaps in the future I will try to make the peace. For the moment I don't want to risk it.

lukegriffen

Deleted User wrote: »

The moral of my story is that if you're going to cut an immediate family member out of your life, ensure that you will do so forever and unwaveringly. .

I don't agree with this advice. People change, mature, time changes things, and if you have your own family that'll also change how you feel about your family. Will you deny your children access to their aunt? What will you say when they ask about her?
Your sister sounds very insecure and jealous of you. Or is she like that with other family members? Write her a long letter, tell her that you'd like to have her in your life, but you don't like certain things she does.
Maybe you could just meet her for a coffee once every month or two. If she's still being hurtful, then you could phase her out, but you're still going to have to see her on family occasions.