Steven Seagal

swe_fi

He makes films with titles like "Belly of the beast", "Mercenary for justice" which are quite astonishingly bad.

His films are never in the cinema, they are always on some obscure TV channel and/or late at night.

How does he keep funding this? Like he has to convince a lot of people that his films are a good idea to raise enough money to pay actors, cameramen, editors and all sorts of film folk. He must be some convincing guy, because he keeps doing it over and over again.

How does Steven Seagal make money, i think he might even be rich? I just do not understand it.

The most pathetic thing of it all is that I actually got hooked on one of the films one late night, it was like being possessed. Once the ad break came on, I managed to break myself from the spell and quickly turned off the tv. Very strange.

AnonoBoy

swe_fi wrote: »

His films are never in the cinema, they are always on some obscure TV channel and/or late at night.

Ah you must be so young.

DarkJager

One of the greatest actors of our time. Its a ****ing disgrace he hasn't recieved an Oscar yet.

Degag

For some reason i thought the title of the thread was Steven Seagull...

Sharpshooter

Moved from After Hours.

Zombienosh

minidazzler

EVERY one of his films is similar to the last TBH, similar story lines and characters. The only difference are the names, places and whether he is a SEAL, DEA agent, etc...

http://seagalology.com/

He is a fcuking plonker!

skelliser

He has loads of money because...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Jji78uEW14

DarkJager

Some more fun facts about the legend that is Stevie.

1) He makes his own energy drinks (this is 100% real by the way)

http://www.lightningdrink.com/

2) He makes his own music ("Songs from the crystal cave" is a stone cold classic)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qw5bKTBQE4

The man is a walking, breathing, komodo wearing ****ing legend.

McChubbin

I think that sums it up...

Nick Dolan

McChubbin wrote: »

I think that sums it up...

Hes just a little bitty cook!!!!!!!!!!!!

McChubbin

Nick Dolan wrote: »

He just got a little bitty cock!!!!!!!!!!!!

Couldn't resist...

Sharpshooter

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Steven Seagal is no Chuck Norris.:pac:

Nick Dolan

Ah the hours me and the guy i used to work with spent coming up with the worst plot ideas Stephen could actually do in a film. Only to google him and find they had been done.

We should definitly hlep out oul steve by developing a film for him free of charge. It has to be called ***** of ******* and involve the words, Death ,Terror ,Fists, Justice, Flight or Mayhem.

DarkJager

Sharpshooter wrote: »

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Steven Seagal is no Chuck Norris.:pac:

Yeah? Well Steven Seagal eats Chuck Norris shaped cereal for breakfast.

****, that doesn't sound right or bad ass at all

DarkJager

Nick Dolan wrote: »

Ah the hours me and the guy i used to work with spent coming up with the worst plot ideas Stephen could actually do in a film. Only to google him and find they had been done.

We should definitly hlep out oul steve by developing a film for him free of charge. It has to be called ***** of ******* and involve the words, Death ,Terror ,Fists, Justice, Flight or Mayhem.

Myself and one of the lads I used to work with tried to bring him to Limerick to play a gig in Dolans warehouse. We emailed his agent with a load of made up **** like "we have a steven seagal appreciation day in the city every March", and surprisingly got an email back saying he would be interested and asking for venues and crowd capacity. Having sent it, we never got a response.

I guess Seagal just googled Limerick and got scared

swe_fi

Nick Dolan wrote: »

Ah the hours me and the guy i used to work with spent coming up with the worst plot ideas Stephen could actually do in a film. Only to google him and find they had been done.

We should definitly hlep out oul steve by developing a film for him free of charge. It has to be called ***** of ******* and involve the words, Death ,Terror ,Fists, Justice, Flight or Mayhem.

I spilled some tea because of this post.

I was gonna throw good ol' Jean Claude in here as well but he sort of deserves his own thread i think, or rather Steven is too big to share.

swe_fi

Sharpshooter wrote: »

Moved from After Hours.

Steven Seagal is now under a category called "Arts", surely that must be wrong.

Sharpshooter

DarkJager wrote: »

Yeah? Well Steven Seagal eats Chuck Norris shaped cereal for breakfast.

****, that doesn't sound right or bad ass at all

No, serious fail there.:cool::D

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.:pac:

Steven Segal Quote:

From here.

" It doesn't work if the bad guys kill his mother's uncle's friend's neighbour's pet dog.
You've got to make the stakes high."

:confused:

DarkJager

Sharpshooter wrote: »

No, serious fail there.:cool::D

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.:pac:

Steven Segal Quote:

From here.

" It doesn't work if the bad guys kill his mother's uncle's friend's neighbour's pet dog.
You've got to make the stakes high."

:confused:

During talks for Under Siege it came up that Seagal's character (as originally written) was to be diabetic - creating an added level of tension. When asked how he would portray this weakness Seagal simply answered:

"I'll wear a hat."

Nick Dolan

Being in the music biz we got framed pictures of the man himself softly cradling an acoustic in the woods. You can only imagine the deep and respectful bond he was sharing with his mother planet and all its creation


"If that ****ing squirell moves into shot one more time, imma gonna kick his nut pooping ass"



Stephen Seagal Appreciation Day you say.................................

DarkJager

Nick Dolan wrote: »

Being in the music biz we got framed pictures of the man himself softly cradling an acoustic in the woods. You can only imagine the deep and respectful bond he was sharing with his mother planet and all its creation


"If that ****ing squirell moves into shot one more time, imma gonna kick his nut pooping ass"



Stephen Seagal Appreciation Day you say.................................

We made him out to be like some local cult hero in the email to his agent. The Steven Seagal appreciation day supposedly started with screening "Marked For Death" at 7am in the morning on our "local TV station", followed by all his movies back to back in the local park. Speech and drama classes would act out scenes from his best movies.Small children also dress up in leather jackets and don black ponytail wigs for the day.

I also know that picture you're talking of, its just pure gold

MrStuffins

Sharpshooter wrote: »

No, serious fail there.:cool::D

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.:pac:

Steven Segal Quote:

From here.

" It doesn't work if the bad guys kill his mother's uncle's friend's neighbour's pet dog.
You've got to make the stakes high."
:confused:

I used to love Seagal movies as a kid.

So this week i've been studying late at night so watching whatever movies happen to be on (Planes, Trains and Automobiles..... The Man with 2 Brians......)

The other night came Exit Wounds. I couldnt believe how bad it was, really!

My whole childhood was a lie

DarkJager

MrStuffins wrote: »

I used to love Seagal movies as a kid.

So this week i've been studying late at night so watching whatever movies happen to be on (Planes, Trains and Automobiles..... The Man with 2 Brians......)

The other night came Exit Wounds. I couldnt believe how bad it was, really!

My whole childhood was a lie

You need to find the movie where he's some archaelogist who wears leather jackets all day (under the blazing sun), and even sleeps in a leather dressing gown. I don't know what the costume designer was thinking, but its a movie you won't be able to stop laughing at.

Nick Dolan

if we cloned Stephen Seagal and Jean claude Van Damme would we get a
Sea Dam ?????? (oh christ)

Also what movie is it where he teaches this italian american a lesson using a game of slaps (Fer feic sake) and at the end he goes "What does it take to change a man" and the dude just whispers "time" . Bloody atricous

DarkJager

Nick Dolan wrote: »

if we cloned Stephen Seagal and Jean claude Van Damme would we get a
Sea Dam ?????? (oh christ)

Also what movie is it where he teaches this italian american a lesson using a game of slaps (Fer feic sake) and at the end he goes "What does it take to change a man" and the dude just whispers "time" . Bloody atricous

Vintage Seagal!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMu2xNBpyQc

And the clip you mentioned above (cringe worthy )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vk5pcjCwyQ

MrStuffins

OOOOOHHH NNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I cringed so bad!

Ash.J.Williams

Steven Segal is god

lucozader

His movies used to be in the cinema

under siege was a big hit at the cinemas

Nick Dolan

DarkJager wrote: »

And the clip you mentioned above (cringe worthy )

Fight of tolerance. Respect this mans Genius! And for a thread supposedly to take the piss out of him, we all seem to know an awful lot about him..... wonder how many of us wear caps to hide our pony tails??:D

Andy-Pandy

He's a fat cop now.

mayordenis

I'm not ashamed to say I bought his box set, and I'd buy it again.

DarkJager

Nick Dolan wrote: »

Fight of tolerance. Respect this mans Genius! And for a thread supposedly to take the piss out of him, we all seem to know an awful lot about him..... wonder how many of us wear caps to hide our pony tails??:D

Take the piss out of Stevie S?? No way. This thread is simply celebrating the acting career of one of the most raw, amazing and emotional actors out there. Not many people know this but when you see Stevie chop a guy across the neck, or a closeup shot of his leg kicking someone, you are not just watching a movie. You are watching komodo wearing ****ing poetry in motion.

BopNiblets

You guys should read Seagalogy, not the site linked above but the book by reviewer Vern, it's pretty good.

Also I think he's in the upcoming lolsfest, Machete.

swe_fi

BopNiblets wrote: »

You guys should read Seagalogy, not the site linked above but the book by reviewer Vern, it's pretty good.

Also I think he's in the upcoming lolsfest, Machete.

Thanks for the advice! I ordered it and got it delivered today, can't wait to read it

omahaid

I, too, have a copy of Seagalogy, what with me being a dedicated Segalogist and all. Disgrace it hasn't won many awards.

de5p0i1er

I'm not a big fan of his movies but I respect the fact that he works as a real cop in his spare time.

A Primal Nut

Some of the reviews of his films are hilarious:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Dangerous_Man

He loves getting revenge!

opinion guy

A Primal Nut wrote: »

Some of the reviews of his films are hilarious:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Dangerous_Man

He loves getting revenge!

Not as much as Mel Gibson

Ulysses Gaze

A Primal Nut wrote: »

Some of the reviews of his films are hilarious:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Dangerous_Man

He loves getting revenge!

Russian Mafia and Chinese Mafia battling in a small American town with Steven Seagal?

Quality!

BostonB

swe_fi wrote: »

...How does Steven Seagal make money, i think he might even be rich? I just do not understand it. ....

In total, his movies have earned in excess of $923 million worldwide

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Seagal

Theres a market for dire movies with mindless action. Simple as.

BostonB

But its mainly because hes a fashion icon...

http://watch.fashiontelevision.com/fashion-icons/celebrities/steven-seagal/#clip98733

ejmaztec

I must say, this thread's got more plot than one of his "movies".

astrofool

ejmaztec wrote: »

I must say, this thread's got more plot than one of his "movies".

This thread is a chick flick.

omahaid

Good news everybody!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment+arts-10645210

Case dropped