Is she using me

LegacyUser

Im seeing this girl 6 months the relationship has been intense as we were both coming out off a bad few months and both of us are new to the city so saw alot of each other.

As a man I naturally feel I should pay for things, but I have noticed with this girl we go to alot of places and I always pay (as have with other girls) but she never ever offers she even tells of places she would like to go and never offers to share the bill. We get public transport abit or taxis and she also never pays or has change even for that.

I personally dont mind the spending money part its the feeling of am I being used that is getting to me. She has regurally brought up how good to her I am and she owes me a suprise or something but she is saying that 3 months and nothing. We stay in hers alot and have become very close and can talk about anything to each other... although she likes it to be alot about how her life is

I know she financially is extremely tight at the moment and does be very tight with bills but always pays them.

What Im wondering is does this sound like she genuinly likes me or I am being used???

LegacyUser

I'd say trust you're gut on this one.

The fact that she doesn't even offer is worrying, does she even acknowledge that she'd like to pay? It's a bit much for her to suggest where she wants to go and you pay the way. And if you feel that the conversations are mostly about her then.... yeah, trust you gut man

LegacyUser

hi, i can see that what you concern is not the money, but that whether she likes you or not. it reflects that you dont have confidence in the relationship (yet) which is reasonable because you guys are still getting know to each other.

i think you can know her more by asking her questions about her past relationships or listen to her commneting things or friends people etc. to get a grasp about her personality.

if she is very tight and you can afford that, it's also very easy for her to 'take that advantage' (with no initiatial intention).

i would say, maybe you can ask her what she likes in you something like that??!?

LegacyUser

Yes she is taking advantage of you in my opinion. Its not really relevant that she is tight on the cashflow front- Its how she deals with the situation.

She is suggesting things to do safe in the knowledge that she cannot afford to do them but is happy for you to oblige.

I am female and if i did not have the cash to pay for things, I would only suggest doing free things. I would never suggest something that I knowlingly could not afford.

LegacyUser

Yes if Im following my gut I suppose it is that she is flat broke and struggling to get by at the moment but just think its very cheeky to name places and expect me to pay. I suppose its my ffault from paying from the off.

I mentioned it and she said she would rather if we stay in than go out from now on if thats how I feel. I couldnt mention it without me coming across the scabby one although I pay for everything.

TitoPuente

Why not try to curtail the amount that you go out and spend on her and see if she sticks around? When she suggests going to the cinema, why don't you suggest staying in and watching a DVD? When she suggests going to a fancy restaurant, why don't you suggest cooking a meal at home? When she suggest going for a boozy night out, why don't you suggest having a bottle of wine in doors? Let her know that you're saving for something at the moment (make something up). That'll be a pretty good test to see whether she's using you for money or not.

TitoPuente

wondering??? wrote: »

I mentioned it and she said she would rather if we stay in than go out from now on if thats how I feel. I couldnt mention it without me coming across the scabby one although I pay for everything.

That kind of voids my last post. If she's saying that then you should agree with her. Find cheaper things to do for a few months and see if she sticks around. If she can't afford to go out, thinks you're scabby for not paying her way and isn't willing to live more modestly then she's using you. If she dumps you because you're not paying her way then you're better off without her because she is, effectively, a prostitute.