Should I tell her?

LegacyUser

I'll set the scene, myself and Ann are both in our early twenties and we're on a work related course for the past six months. This course is in a city away from our base. Although we still have jobs to go back to its looking more and more likely that by the time we finish training the company may be no more.

Anyway this friend of mine, we had a major argument/falling due to reasons still unknown to myself out just before the course started and we weren't talking to one another for the guts of 4 months despite seeing one another almost every day. Naturally enough I was quite upset by this as we had been quite close since we started working together, our relationship was more than professional, not amorous though, I considered her a good friend. During our cooling off period, I guess I had no choice but to try and develop an extended circle of friends as I no longer had her as my crutch to lean on. Through this I began to discover she was incredibly unpopular among some of the people we had just met. The vitriol really took me back. It was/is really nasty. Just over a month ago Ann happened to hurt herself quite badly in a hockey accident and the others went to town on her, claiming she was exaggerating. This is not the first time this has happened, back in our office before we left, some of the other staff offered their condolences to me due to the fact we'd be stuck together for 9 months. The thing is I told her what they were saying then.

About a month ago, Ann fond herself in a spot of trouble and realised she had no one else to turn to in this new city but myself. A friend in need is a friend indeed so I helped her out, and she seemed genuinely grateful I was able to put the past behind. We've been getting on quite well since, and now I find she is often by my side when I go and meet my new friends. However I can't bear the situation that has now arisen where shes all friendly and oblivious to the mutterings of whats going on behind her back. Its all bound to come out sooner or later, thing is should I tell her or let her figure it out for herself?

tl;dr New friends bitching about old friend - should I tell her whats actually going on?

Rented Mule

Stuckinthemiddle wrote: »

tl;dr New friends bitching about old friend - should I tell her whats actually going on?

I defend my true friends to the death. Maybe that's just the way that I was brought up.

LegacyUser

Rented Mule wrote: »

I defend my true friends to the death. Maybe that's just the way that I was brought up.

OP here, thanks Mule. I know I wasn't clear on this earlier but I almost always called these new friends/acquaintances up on what they were saying, that it was unfair, and indeed wrong. The argument where they said she was feigning injury was particularly heated. On a few occasions I may have said nothing, probably because her behaviour regards ignoring me had gotten to me earlier in the day.

Des Carter

hey if I was in your position I would say nothing.

You have your own problems and stuff you need to figure out (like we all do) so dont stress about other peoples problems. Let her sort them out herself (unless she asks you directly).

Denimgirl

Des Carter wrote: »

hey if I was in your position I would say nothing.

You have your own problems and stuff you need to figure out (like we all do) so dont stress about other peoples problems. Let her sort them out herself (unless she asks you directly).

Totally agreew ith Des say nothing, just hangout with everybody and stay nuetrel.people change when they want to,she changed from nice to distant to nice again when you helped her out, if others don't like her don't get involved you can only be a good friend and not get involved when others are talking about her just say your giving her another chance as you'se been getting well recently.

S23

No I wouldn't tell her. You can't make them like her and they can't make you not like her.

Just worry about yourself. Telling her is only going to lead to some horrible confrontation that you have instigated. If it comes to a head naturally so be it but don't go out of your way to stir this particular hornets nest!

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, OP here again, thanks for the advice. I really was quite unsure how to handle the situation, but I guess it is not for me to get involved. The only thing I can do is have her back when the ranting starts. Her birthday is in a few weeks time, it will be interesting to see who turns up for the few drinks that will be organised. Either way I'll stay out of it but I hope some of the shrapnel doesn't take me out on the way down.