cold feet

LegacyUser

Hi, i dont have anyone to turn to so im hoping someone can help, i got engaged recently and the future mil's attitude has completly changed, she says im trying to change her son and im argumentive and aggressive (this is all to him and never says it to my face) (this was a conversation over washing up powder we had, i like to use the natural detergent and she uses aerial and thought i was stupid spending that much money on a more expensive brand, its so ridiculous!) so the oh said it to me and said i should be nicer to her, i explained its just my opinion and i didnt mean to come across that way, also, i got his sister a cd i thought she wanted ages ago and i found it recently under their coffee table, still in its wrapper, i was offended coz i got her a present and she just threw it away and never even bothered saying thanks and i said it to him and he said yeah thats pretty lousy and didnt take her up on it, its just that he never fights my corner and its really hurtful, otherwise hes a great boyfriend but i dont think i could have the most peaceful of relationships with his mam so im really thinking if getting engaged is the right thing to do, we have been together 6 years....

Floppybits

Op, are you sure that your OH is the right person for you? Can you see yourself with this person for the rest of your life and that includes putting up with the other persons family? If the answer to those questions is you dont know or no then I think you are making a mistake getting married, however if it is a yes then carry on.

I know if my mother said something to my OH and it upset her, I would go back to my mother and tell her it isn't on but not all guys will do that and you know about irish mothers and their precious sons. To me it sounds like the mother is afraid of loosing her son and her son needs to set her straight.

LegacyUser

sometimes she can be really sound but since the engagement, if i look at her wrong, im the devil incarnate, i love him so much i really really do and id run away with him if i could but hes really close to his family and i cant bear them, they are so interferring, are all irish mammys like this with no one would ever be good enough for their sons?

LegacyUser

wexforduser wrote: »

are all irish mammys like this with no one would ever be good enough for their sons?

That type of relationship takes two people. The mammy to behave like that and the little boy to be the doting son who lets her.
He needs to fight your corner and not let his family disrespect you. But you will also have to give a little leeway, and ignore some of her behavior and let him handle it. If he doesn't stick up for you and call her up on the way she treats you. You are marrying a little boy who will be like that forever.

shellyboo

Well... telling someone they're "ridiculous" over what brand of washing powder they use is both rude and argumentative. And wanting your boyfriend to confront his sister because she didn't use your gift is both confrontational and aggressive.

So I'd say your MIL has a point. Unfortunately, she's his mother - she's in his life permanently no matter what. She really doesn't sound all that bad if washing powder is all you're arguing over... I would recommenind adjusting your attitude to one of quiet compliance for the sake of keeping the peace.

Denimgirl

I would continue to be nice with your future mil,i would refuse to take part in this silly game she's playing with his sister.you should ask your fiance for both of you'se to bring his mam out for Sunday lunch and have a nice day and be very nice and pleasent with her as nothing has happened don't disagree with anything she says just to make a point!she may come to her senses and realise she's being a bit hard on you plus your fiance will know your not the kind of person who likes all this nonesense.good luck!