Self Esteem

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Im in my mid 20s with self esteem and confidence issues, and I reckon I probably need to see some sort of counsellor and Imwondering if anyone can recommend one, or some course of action

I have no confidence in my abilities, not even confident enough to even consider learning to drive. No girlfriend, and I generally feel intimidated around girls I fancy. Its starting to eat away at me and I feel I need to do something to at least try and sort my life out.

I know there are people worse off than me, but I really need to try and do something about it, because sooner or later I reckon I will crack up.

Thanks for reading and any advice would be gratefully received,

Thanks

Rob

susanroth

You haven't said what area your in for anyone to reccommend a counsellor to you
You should see someone though. It seems your only making things worse for yourself, doing things like learning to drive can really boost your confidence. What is it your afraid of with this? Its okay to be nervous when doing something unknown, if i were you I would just force myself to take lessons. Tell the instructor your very nervous, its part of their job to make you more relaxed in the car and trust me they'll have seen people just as nervous as you.
If you could just push yourself a little bit outside your comfort zone you'd realise things don't have to be that scary.

JuliusCaesar

This book
might be useful to start off with

LegacyUser

Hi,

OP here, working in Dublin City Centre,

Booking the drivers theory test....at least its a start

susanroth

Help Please wrote: »

Hi,

OP here, working in Dublin City Centre,

Booking the drivers theory test....at least its a start

Brilliant! Once you pass this it'll be a great boost! i find when you feel bad about yourself its just great to learn something new, a little accomplishment can go a long way.. next thing you know you'l be approaching the girls that take your fancy :P

Crash Bang Wall

Hi guys,

A mate of mine has confided in me about the same type of issues in this thread. Ive tried to reassure her but it doesnt seem to be making a difference....she has no bf or any "get up and go" to do anything about it. She doesnt like her job, and doesnt reckon she would be good enough to get another job and be any good at it, yet she has a very good College Degree. Reassurance isnt working.

I honestly dont know if its a lack of confidence, or depression or whatever. Is a counsellor the answer for her. I cant say Im at my wits end about it, but its starting to worry me a bit.....

I want to help her but Im not sure what I should be doing. If it meant a few trips to a counsellor to at least try and get to the root of the problem I would gladly pay it as I know she is paying a mortgage and may be struggling money wise

LegacyUser

Crash Bang Wall wrote: »

Hi guys,

A mate of mine has confided in me about the same type of issues in this thread. Ive tried to reassure her but it doesnt seem to be making a difference....she has no bf or any "get up and go" to do anything about it. She doesnt like her job, and doesnt reckon she would be good enough to get another job and be any good at it, yet she has a very good College Degree. Reassurance isnt working.

I honestly dont know if its a lack of confidence, or depression or whatever. Is a counsellor the answer for her. I cant say Im at my wits end about it, but its starting to worry me a bit.....

I want to help her but Im not sure what I should be doing. If it meant a few trips to a counsellor to at least try and get to the root of the problem I would gladly pay it as I know she is paying a mortgage and may be struggling money wise

I would love a friend like you!! I wonder could it be a bit of both, lack of confidence and depression, aren't they linked? I dont know but it sounds like a counsellor wouldn't hurt. It sounds like her mentality is going to keep her in the same position for a long time unless she changes it and a counsellor might help her challenge her negative self image. I would say its definitely worth a try. Maybe you could get her one of the books another post has reccommended.
I just felt the need to post and commend for being such a good friend, its great she has someone who believes in her. Also I imagine it is quite frustrating to watch a friend who can see has everything feel so low

sajama

I got a referral to a counsellor from my GP - probably a bit of an expensive way to go about it but I just happened to be in about something else when I suddenly found myself blurting out a lot of issues similar to yours!

She gave me a therapists number and I was nervous about it, but making that phone call was one of the best decisions I've made so far - before that my low self esteem had been leading me to a very dark place and I'm much better now

Best of luck OP

LegacyUser

I am just coming to the end of an 8month stint with a counsellor that i went to see due to low confidence and low self esteem. I am only finishing due to circumstances but if i could currently continue on going, i definately would.

In just those 8 months I have seen a big change in myself and have learnt to recognise when my self esteem drops, my negative internal commentary and the fact that i worry so much about what people MIGHT think of me! I also found out I take on so much guilt that isnt always mine.

Dont get me wrong, I still have days where i feel very low or down but I know that this is a temporary feeling and I wil feel better about myself. I know my self esteem issues are probably going to have to be worked on, or at least 'minded', for the rest of my life but my God, i dont feel hopeless, worthless, insignificant, like a freak or pathetic anymore.

And so many of my friends and family have recognised the change in me, even before i told them i was in counselling. Suddenly people are meet are interested in talking to me and men have been chatting me up more and more (still not banging down the doors but, hey im happy!). I dont feel invisible anymore and, more importantly, I dont want to be invisible anymore.

I tried self help books before going into therapy and, although they were useful, there are no where near as good as talking to someone who is non judgemental and has seen many people with similar feelings.

The OP said he "knows there are people out there worse off"- I said the very same thing to my counsellor and she said it doesnt matter, whatever YOU are feeling/experiencing is important to you and if it impacts negatively on your quality of life then its important to address it. You have every right to feel good about your self and your life.

It's hard and scary to ask for help, especially when it comes to feelings like this but if counselling could be a viable option for the OP (eg. finances, time etc) then I would definately recommend it.

Good luck, OP. You (and everybody) deserves to feel good about yourself.