Contact from ex

Jessiegirl

I recently had text contact from ex after several months. I had, for own sake not contacted him. I did reply this time, few catchup/chit chat messages. I'm ok but it does put them back in your thoughts a wee bit and I still have feelings but I'd rather have the odd contact than pretending someone never existed.
Don't know why he did it. Is a simple upbeat response the way to go if it happens again or I may ask him about something that's coming up? I can't see any harm in it.

MsHolloway

I think your whole post shows really that no contact is really the way to go.

I understand completely that to suddenly stop talking to someone you were very close to can be difficult, and may seem stupid and unnecessary.

But as you can see, from just a random text from your ex here you are thinking and pondering about it and why he sent it, and basically thats time you should be spending thinking about you and concentrating on yourself.

Please understand that I have been in the exact same situation you have been and the only time I could ever really be a friend with an ex was when I was completely and utterly over them - even a little bit of "what was i thinking".

If you have any feelings at all, then any contact will just wreck your head. It will be counterproductive.

Jessiegirl

Yes I know what you mean. I think so long as it doesn't wreck your head though it's ok, just like anyone else texting I guess? The first contact will always be unusal I suppose as not expected. Guess you can chose to reply or ignore if you think it's not doing you any good. It's like an elephant in the room when you've done the no contact thing. Part of me is very glad it happened and out of way. Good test if nothing else.

LegacyUser

A good test for what?

Unless he is calling you to beg you to get back with him, why would you waste your time thinking about him and trying to be nice to him?

You have feelings for him and are analysing things. You're wasting your time on someone who felt his life was better without you than with you.

I wouldn't give him the time of day.

You say as long as it doesn't wreck your head. But you were on a week or so ago about contacting his cousins and now about him and contacting him. It is wrecking your head. You should be trying NOT to think about him, not spending your time thinking about how best to contact him or how to text him.

He doesn't deserve courtesy. He dumped you. He lost the right to have you be nice to him when he told you he didn't want you any more.
You don't owe him "nice".
And honestly wanting to be "mature" about it is an excuse. If you were over him you wouldn't care what way you responded or what you replied to or asked him about or how it would look.
The level of analysis over even the most simple thing relating to him shows you should leave it alone or your head will be fried.

Why is he in contact? God knows. He probably hasn't gotten laid in a while. There was nothing good on tv or he got dumped and fancied getting his ego stroked.
I doubt there was more to it than that. If there were it wouldn't have been a few "how's things" texts. He would have called and arranged to see you.

Move on, he's not worth the effort.

Jessiegirl

A test of how you have moved on. I felt nothing when I got it initially. Of course it's going to make you think about someone, that's pretty normal no matter who it is, well for me anyway.
I have moved on, haven't had much choice. You make it sound like I'm going gaga over it and going off the rails LOL Far from it. I've a big thing on this week and that's far more important weighing on my mind. I don't owe him anything sure but not in to playing games. I ignored a past message and this time felt it was ok to text as I was ok. Some people have to learn how to deal with bumping in to an ex frequently or working with them, in the case I don't thankfully. If he message again and it wrecked my head in future I would ignore. I did well with deliberate no contact for several months

LegacyUser

I personally would not understand if a person email/texted after a long time that you should ignore them. You should either text back you dont want to hear from them and you moved or have a quick chat. Never understood head in the sand attitude

What does it say about a person who ignores a email/text?- I would find them a touch immature. It takes a short text reply to put an end to contact. Why let the other person continue to wonder did you get text/email, why are you not replying etc.

Their is people from my past that i dont want contact with. If they contact me at least I would tell them/ text them that I dont want contact.

If in city their is always the chance to walk into them on street/bus/pub etc- I be touch embarresed if they knew I got their message and did not have the maturity to reply.

Nothing wrong putting a person from the past in thier place if they contact you because ignoring them could be eating them up inside , at least a firm I dont want contact usually sends home the message

Jessiegirl

Thats exactly how I feel westminster. I can't see the harm at all in having the odd contact and if it is upsetting to you then you can just tell them not to contact you again.

LegacyUser

westminister wrote: »

I personally would not understand if a person email/texted after a long time that you should ignore them. You should either text back you dont want to hear from them and you moved or have a quick chat. Never understood head in the sand attitude

What does it say about a person who ignores a email/text?- I would find them a touch immature. It takes a short text reply to put an end to contact. Why let the other person continue to wonder did you get text/email, why are you not replying etc.

Their is people from my past that i dont want contact with. If they contact me at least I would tell them/ text them that I dont want contact.

If in city their is always the chance to walk into them on street/bus/pub etc- I be touch embarresed if they knew I got their message and did not have the maturity to reply.

Nothing wrong putting a person from the past in thier place if they contact you because ignoring them could be eating them up inside , at least a firm I dont want contact usually sends home the message

What if, as in my situation, if they keep contacting you Changed my number yet they ring the house, send me cards and small things, etc

Jessiegirl

Well if you have caller display ignore or ring phone company to see can you block a number. You could try returning to sender of the items sent, just to make a point. That's creepy.