Bringing new girlfriend to brother's wedding.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Both myself and my girlfriend are in our mid-twenties. We've been seeing each other for a month and a half, and things are going very well between us. She lives at home with her father, and I have visited and stayed the night with her there a few times now. I have also met some of her siblings and colleagues. I have yet to reciprocate by formally inviting her to come visit me at home (I live with my parents and one of my brothers), as she has pointed out that she is not ready to meet my family just yet (she told me that she has never met the parents of any of her previous boyfriends). She says that such situations make her feel uncomfortable, and that she thinks it is too early to meet them. It's not a case of me wanting her to meet my parents but, rather, that I'd like her to spend the odd night here as we don't live too close to each other. I don't take issue with her being uncomfortable with this, as just because I have no problem with meeting friends or family at any stage does not mean that she should feel the same way, too. She has said (whether jokingly or not, I don't know) that she would be prepared to meet them in a couple of months. My problem is this: my older brother is getting married in 6 weeks time, and I would really like to take my girlfriend to the wedding. I am reluctant to ask her, though, as I don't want to put her into a situation whereby she feels obliged to say yes, as she may feel uneasy about meeting virtually all of my relatives. I'm not really sure what to do, as I feel as though I can't not invite her, but at the same time I'm aware of the fact that she has said that she thinks it's too early to meet my family. If it's of any relevance, she was even slightly hesitant about me meeting some of her siblings, as she felt that, given that it was still early in the relationship, it would be awkward for her to have to explain things to them if it didn't work out.

I would appreciate some thoughts on the situation.

Regards.

LegacyUser

OP here; thread topic should have read "Wedding help", not "we". Sorry about that.

LegacyUser

I think u should explain to her that she means alot to u and that ud hope she felt the same about u.And it would make u very happy if she would consider meeting ur parents,tell her u totally understand that situations like that are a bit awkward or uncomfortable but explain that ull be with her at all times and that ur parents would love to meet the girl that makes their son so happy.
Keep when they meet casual,not like sitting down to dinner or something like that,So she can meet them then maybe ye go off and go for walk so she has bit of time to chill out and then go back to ur parents house.
Also tell her that u have the wedding coming up and if she would be ur date for it that would be great,but explain that if the wedding is too much for her so soon that ull be happy just having her meet ur parents.

Im sure when she meets them she'll be wondering why she had herself so worked up over. Us woman are strange sometimes.

StillWaters

You are right, you cannot not invite her.

Des Carter

well youll have to tell her your brothers getting married ya
so she will obviously assume there is going to be a wedding
and so if you dont invite her its only going to lead to trouble.

So I would advise you to start a coversation about your brother getting married, steer the conversation to the wedding and then the whole issue will arise naturally and you can invite her without it being too forward.

up for anything

Tell her about the wedding and say you'd like if she would come but you understand if she doesn't (whether you do or not) want to go. Leave the ball in her court.

You probably want to enjoy your brother's wedding and you won't do that if you are escorting a reluctant girlfriend.

It is still very early days and I understand her anxieties. Six weeks, three months is a very short space of time relationshipwise. Weddings can be very emotive affairs. Also they are prime occasions for relatives to make lots of what they feel are funny but can be very uncomfortable type comments to be on the receiving end.

There will be other family occasions down the line. Don't ruin something now that might be good in time to come by being too pushy or sulky if she refuses the invitation.

Nevyn

Explain to her that the wedding is coming up, ask her if she wants to do and that shes doesn't have to and that you'll explain to family it was not possible for her to go.
Let her choose.

MightyMighty737

Another suggestion is to ask her to go to the wedding with you, but you introduce her to your family as a friend.

Hope everything works out okay.

m@cc@

I'd definitely insist on her meeting your family before I'd consider taking her to a wedding. It's your brother's big day, you don't want to do anything that takes the attention off him, like your new girlfriend freaking out at meeting your family.

merlie

I think the reason why she does not wish to meet your family just yet is that it is kind of seals the relationship on more of a commitment level. I had no problem meeting my boyfriends parents and family after 4 months. You are still at an early stage. I know you would like to bring your girlfriend to the wedding, but I think you will have to let her know as soon as possible, she needs to know you would like to bring her.

If she does not wish to go, there is nothing wrong in that, but I never would go to a wedding without having first met the parents. That happened with my boyfriend, I met his parents a few weeks before his sisters wedding so there was no uncomfortable feeling.

You clearly need to discuss this with your girlfriend.

Bobbity

I was in my mid twenties when I met my DH, took me 3 months to pluck up the courage to meet the parents, I was just very shy. Ask your girl to the wedding, it's no big deal. To be honest, I doubt very much if anyone will notice, unless your at the top table, and she has to sit with strangers. Could you meet up for a drink with your brother and his wife to be for a casual drink beforehand?

Floppybits

Just a bit on this.

Are you going to be involved in your brothers wedding party such as being best man or grooms man? The reason why I ask that is if you are going to bring your girlfriend to the whole wedding then she will be seated at a table where she will no nobody. Now if you are not involved in the wedding party then I would say invite her to the day but if you are in the wedding party I would ask her to the afters only where you can be at her side for the night.