Pregnant & Smoking

LegacyUser

Hi Everyone. I'm looking for some advice/wake up call please. I am 20 weeks pregnant and am finding it really difficult to stay off cigarettes. I always said I would quit if I ever was pregnant and would have really dissaproved of anyone who smoked while pregnant. Possibly the fact that the pregnancy was unplanned has made it harder as I had no time to prepare myself. I have been quitting every couple of weeks and can stay off them for 3-7 days but keep cracking and smoking after that. My partner has never smoked and does not know how difficult I am finding it, often I keep it secret from him. I am off them again today and it seems to be going well but I'm scared I will fail again, also I'm exhausted giving up smoking is stressful and I have been doing it over and over again for 5 months along with all the normal stress of an unplanned pregnancy.

Please can anyone help me, I'm terrified I could harm my baby. I have gone to a stop smoking clinic and read the Alan Carr book and neither has worked

Nevyn

Have you tried patches/gum?
Or sticking a pitucre of a smiling baby on the ashtray and on your lighter and packed of smokes?

Elle Collins

Go and talk to your doctor about this, and please remember to go easy on yourself. The stress you are putting yourself under here will cause the baby a lot more harm than the odd fag.

dudara

I did recall reading somewhere that for some women the stress of giving up smoking is more harmful to the baby than allowing yourself the odd cigarette.

I think that it's definitely a good idea to seek medical advice for this one.

Shelga

The stress of giving up smoking is more harmful than the odd cigarette? Sounds like a load of rubbish, the type of thing that is just made up to make smokers feel better about themselves.

OP, while it is admirable that you want to give up, clearly you don't want to give up that badly, as your need for cigarettes is still outweighing your common sense. Personally, I can think of nothing more disgusting than seeing a pregnant woman light up. It just tells the world that you care more about your horrible habit than your unborn child.

I'm assuming you're aware of the increased risk of SIDS associated with smoking during pregnancy, placenta privia, miscarriage, stillbirth, impaired foetal growth, low birth weight, etc. The list goes on. Just think of how guilty you would feel were any of these things to happen to your child.

I'm surprised at the "softly softly" replies here, telling you not to be so hard on yourself. I think this is one personal issue that calls for a bit of bluntness.

Nevyn

Shelga the op is looking for help and support not to be lectured, she has stated she is aware of the risks, I suggest you start posting in a more helpful manner or don't bother posting.

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

petethebrick

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6th

petethebrick wrote: »

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Infracted and Banned for 1 week.

LegacyUser

Hi Everyone and thanks for the advice so far. Re patches and gum I have been advised against using these by my doctor as they are not safe in pregnancy (though obviously neither are cigarettes) Re the picture of a baby - thats a good idea though I don't carry a pack with me I normally crack buy a pack smoke a few and then throw it away, I've also thrown all my ashtrays/lighters out. I do carry my scan photo and look at that but it doesn't always work when the cravings get really strong. I have spoken to my doctor who referred me to the HSE stop smoking clinic but I didn't find them very good, they're attitude was pretty much 'you're doing o.k. just don't go back on them'. Which unfortunately for me seems easier said than done. I don't agree that its more stressful to withdraw than to smoke because I can manage the withdrawals just fine for the first few days I just cant sustain it.

In some ways responses like Shelgas were what I was hoping for, no one is more disgusted about this than me and I was hoping hearing what others think of me could shock/shame me into keeping off them this time

Redpunto

You are never going to have a better reason (apart from getting lung cancer) to give up smoking than to become a mother, and its not just for the pregnancy, do you want to be holding your newborn in one arm and a fag in the other?

My son has a friend who frequently calls into our house, her mum (although a lovely person) smokes in her house and the smell of the little girl is awful, it literally wafts after her.

Neyite

firstly, congratulations!

what might help you is that a craving will not last more than 5-10 mins. what i would suggest when you get one is to slowly drink a glass of water until it passes- it seemed to help with me. or get your hands wet - my mum handwashed stuff with every craving.

remember, after 3-4 days, the nicotine is out of your body- and you are a non smoker, so what you think are cravings by that stage, are mostly habits.

i used the paul mckenna hypnosis cd on my ipod, and am now off them 3 years. he also had success with my sister, who while pregnant each of the 3 times managed to quit-barely, but was back on them after each child was weaned. she is also off them 3 years. both of us were longtime heavy smokers.

good luck and go easy on yourself!

LegacyUser

hi op, your story rang true to me as I have recently found that my own mother didn't stop smoking when she carried me. i have always had a heart murmur that has to get checked out every year.. a congenital heart defect. It was always in the back of my mind growing up and prevented me from following my dreams of becoming a professional athlete. its still always in the back of my mind and i fear that i will die of a heart attack. i sometimes get palpitations and think that i am going to die. the doctors say i am not in danger of having a heart attack as i am young, but this will never go away from my mind. eventually i will need surgery.

recently i was browsing the internet for possible causes and one of them is smoking during pregnancy. i approached my mother about it and she said that she kept smoking throughout the pregnancy as she couldn't stop.

i hate to say it, but deep down i really really despise my mother for being so selfish. she had a responsibility to her baby and was too selfish and now i have to live with a life sentence. she knows how i feel and feels terrible about herself and always will. i just cannot help but blame her for this and i always will til the day i die. what a selfish thing to do. do you really want your baby to grow up and feel the same way about you? don't get me wrong, i love my mother, but these feelings are always in the back of my mind.

think about it.

Miss Fluff

I agree. I think everyone is treading softly softly here. You're poisoning your baby, and there is no point in sugar coating it. Quitting a 30-a-day habit after 16 years is one of the hardest things I have ever done. It is horrific and awful and difficult and sh1tty and totally crap but you CAN do it. I'm off them 10 months this coming Friday and I never ever ever thought I would be able to do it.

Have you read the Allen Carr book? It is worth reading. There is also an excellent Giving Up Smoking Forum here on Boards where you will get really excellent advice and support. http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=871 They are a lovely bunch. You should think about starting a quit log, some folk over on that forum have done just that and it has worked for them. I personally read compulsively up on the subject, www.whyquit.com is an excellent resource. It just makes common sense and I attribute it to me staying off them. I logged on every time I had a craving.

You can't undo the fags you have had. Stop agonising about those. Seriously. You can't unsmoke them so no point in even thinking about it. It is ENTIRELY down to you what you smoke for the rest of your pregnancy term though. So many of those crucial functions in a little person are developing at this 4-5 months stage. Do it for your own sake and for the future health of your child.

Miss Fluff

Thaedydal wrote: »

Have you tried patches/gum?

It's been shown that nictotine replacement therapy can put a total halt to a baby's growth.

jaffa20

I really feel for the OP. i'm trying to give up smoking myself and it's hard for non smokers to understand that once your hooked, it's very hard. Now that you have a good reason to though and really want to, i'd perhaps suggest trying hypnotherapy and once you are willing to give up, it is meant to work and a lot of them offer money back guarantee. My own reasons are to do with money and health but i almost enjoy it too much and don't think hypnotherapy will work but in your case it may help.

As for the unhelpful and abusive responses, you should be ashamed.

LegacyUser

As for the unhelpful and abusive responses, you should be ashamed.

and the op shouldn't be ashamed?!

if the op said she was pregnant and couldn't give up her "drug" habit or "alcohol" habit...would you and the other "go easy on her posters" still say the same?

i don't get it - shes poisoning her baby with cigarettes instead of drugs or alcohol, but ah sure its only cigarettes so its ok?

if she can't give up cigarettes for the sake and love of her own child then tbh i fail to see how anything else smoking clinics, hypnotheraphy, books etc are going to help... i mean it really boils down to what she values more, the kick/enjoyment whatever she gets from smoking a fag or her own childs health... i wouldn't of thought that was a hard choice. Some people would kill to protect their own child, some can't even give up fags for their child.

referred me to the HSE stop smoking clinic but I didn't find them very good, they're attitude was pretty much 'you're doing o.k. just don't go back on them'.

sorry op and im honestly not trying to sound like a condescending cow here...but what do you expect them to do exactly, wave a magic wand and cure you of your smoking habit??? yes books and clinics and what not can "help" you stop smoking, but the only person who can actually stop you smoking is YOU.

yes its going to be hard giving up cigarettes, tough - life is hard, if giving up fags is the hardest thing the op will ever have to do, then shes a very lucky woman, a little willpower never hurt anyone.

LegacyUser

OP, I know what it's like to quit smoking, I've done it.
You must remember it's an addiction, it's not a habit. Nicotine is a powerful drug and quitting it comes with a whole load of psychological issues.

BUT

It's not impossible.
I disagree with someone else who said it's horrific and really hard. It's as hard as you make it. Of course you will get cravings and wobbly moments but it's up to you to work through them. If you tell yourself it's going to be soooo hard, well it will be.
If you take as positive an attitude as you can, it will make the process easier for you.
You have something wonderful to look forward to - a baby!

Take one day at a time, just one day. Tell yourself 'I won't smoke today'. Concentrate on getting through one day at a time and you will find that those cravings lessen and lessen all the time.

Waternews

Hi OP,
I used the Alan Carr book to finally kick the habit. That's what worked for me, and there is something that will work for you.
Nicotine replacements are only useful to separate the 'habit' from the nicotine addiction.
The nicotine addiction is gone in 5-7 days. Each time you think about sparking up - say after 3 days - you are putting yourself back to square one. Do it one day at a time.

Most of smoking is psychological addiction rather than nicotine.

I used to think of a cig as a 'treat' or to signify something - e.g my current task at work is extremely stressful and so therefore, to make sure everyone knows, I'll pop out for a cig.

I knew I hadn't a problem with the nicotine - as I could go for a few days without smoking quite easily. It was all in the mind.

Analyse what exactly you think when you want to smoke. Be honest with yourself - even if your reasons makes you sound like a muppet (see one of mine above!!). Once you've nailed that, it's much easier.

Another thing is that thinking that you 'must' give up, can actually make it harder, as you are piling pressure on yourself, while your habit addicted self is in the background saying 'sure one can't really hurt', 'poor you, this is so hard', 'everyone says this is the worst thing to give up', 'have one now, and clean slate tomorrow'.

Other posters are right in saying that no-one can stop smoking for you. Go back to the clinic. Be more open - say what your triggers/reasons are, and ask them for advice/tips on getting past them.

And really - it's not the nicotine, it's the habit you are trying to break.

Finally - think of a tiny baby with a fag in it's hand. Got that image? Think of it when you have the pack of fags in your hand. It might help you put them down.

You CAN stop, but you must stop making excuses.

(This is meant as advice, and not to hurt your feelings - I hope I haven't)

LegacyUser

Hi Everyone, OP here, well Im on day two here (again) and I'm feeling o.k. I've began to realise that being off the cigs is alot more relaxing than smoking because of the ammount of guilt/stress/shame/sneaking around. It's actually a relief to just not smoke. I'm really hoping I can stick with it this time and I'm reading the Alan Carr book again aswell.

Thanks for all the help and comments above, I will never forgive myself if something happens but at least I can make the effort from now on. In a wierd way I think I clung on to the smokes because everything else in my life is changing so fast (first baby) that it was just something that made me feel a bit normal. Not excusing it I'm just trying to understand how I could do something I never thought I would be capable of.

Thanks again and I'll take everyones suggestions on-board.

Elle Collins

Waternews wrote: »

The nicotine addiction is gone in 5-7 days.

It is in its arse. The worst of the withdrawls from nicotine last three weeks and the occasional physical urge for nicotine can and does hit people who've been 20/30/40 years off the cigarettes.

Nicotine is well known to be one of the most difficult drugs out there to quit. If you take a look at the crowd that congregates outside any Narcotic Anonymous meeting you will notice that the majority of those people, though they have managed to quit the most powerful narcotics out there, will spark up a cigarette the moment they walk out the door.

Non smokers have no clue what they are talking about when they assert that a mother is a bad person who loves her cigarettes more than she loves her growing child. A statement like that just shows total ignorance of the nature of addiction.

OP, I think that while you are looking into ways to break your addiction you should also focus on the effects of stress on the unborn child. Bringing all this guilt-ridden stress on yourself by constantly beating yourself up about smoking (and even welcoming other people to do the same!) is no good for your developing child and I'm sure your doctor could confirm that.

Miss Fluff

anonpregnant77 wrote: »

Hi Everyone, OP here, well Im on day two here (again) and I'm feeling o.k. I've began to realise that being off the cigs is alot more relaxing than smoking because of the ammount of guilt/stress/shame/sneaking around. It's actually a relief to just not smoke. I'm really hoping I can stick with it this time and I'm reading the Alan Carr book again aswell.

Thanks for all the help and comments above, I will never forgive myself if something happens but at least I can make the effort from now on. In a wierd way I think I clung on to the smokes because everything else in my life is changing so fast (first baby) that it was just something that made me feel a bit normal. Not excusing it I'm just trying to understand how I could do something I never thought I would be capable of.

Thanks again and I'll take everyones suggestions on-board.

That is brilliant news girl! Well done! Be good to yourself now over the coming days while the nicotine leaves your body. Cook some nice food, nice bubble baths and lots of tlc from the OH. This is the best thing you will ever do so stick with it.

Beetlebum

jaffa20 wrote: »

I really feel for the OP. i'm trying to give up smoking myself and it's hard for non smokers to understand that once your hooked, it's very hard. Now that you have a good reason to though and really want to, i'd perhaps suggest trying hypnotherapy and once you are willing to give up, it is meant to work and a lot of them offer money back guarantee. My own reasons are to do with money and health but i almost enjoy it too much and don't think hypnotherapy will work but in your case it may help.

As for the unhelpful and abusive responses, you should be ashamed.

So far nobody has been abusive to the OP but I'll admit I would be if it wouldn't result in a ban. If anyone should be ashamed it's the smoking mother to be.

It made me so angry reading your post OP. How can you be so selfish?
I've recently quit smoking (3 months now) having smoked for 15 years so I know how hard it is. I did it fo rmyself and the first few weeks weren't easy but I got through them. If I was pregnant wild horses couldn't make me smoke. If Johnny Depp lay naked on a bed with a cigarette where his penis should be I still wouldn't smoke it!!

You have a responsibilty to your unborn child. Quitting smoking is not THAT hard. Go to a smoking clinic, get hypnotherapy, read books, join no smoking forums, do whatever it takes and stop being so cruel and selfish.

You are unbelieveable. Your child will never forgive you and you deserve no respect as a mother to be.

Waternews

Elle Collins wrote: »

It is in its arse. The worst of the withdrawls from nicotine last three weeks and the occasional physical urge for nicotine can and does hit people who've been 20/30/40 years off the cigarettes.

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/how-long-does-nicotine-stay-in-your-body-and-more-frequently-asked-smoking-questions.html

My bad Elle - it does last a bit longer than a week. I guess I meant the worst is over!!!
However, as someone who fell for the evil things over and over - even after a year or more gap - it was not nicotine but the psychological aspect that caused me to fall.

I suppose my real point is that if you can do a week - you can do it for good.

But if you don't know why you smoke (other than the nicotine addiction), it's very very difficult to kick. Just speaking from experience.

OP - two days!!! well done you!! keep it up :-)

LegacyUser

Beetlebum wrote: »

You have a responsibilty to your unborn child. Quitting smoking is not THAT hard. Go to a smoking clinic, get hypnotherapy, read books, join no smoking forums, do whatever it takes and stop being so cruel and selfish.

You are unbelieveable. Your child will never forgive you and you deserve no respect as a mother to be.

You have not read my posts correctly, if so you would see that I have been to a private and a HSE stop smoking clinic, at this clinic they told me hypnotherapy has no proven effictiveness with regard to stopping smoking, I have read Alan Carrs Easyway to stop smoking and am currently reading Alan Carr's Onlyway to stop smoking, I am a member here on Boards stop smoking forum, whyquit.com giveupsmoking.ie and obviously I have posted in this PI forum for additional feedback/help. I have done everything bar NRT as this is not reccomended in pregnancy. I have been giving up over and over again for five months now and am on my second day not smoking on this current attempt. So while I realise that I am open to disrespect because I am failing at this, please do not claim that I am not trying. It is not true.

Beetlebum

anonpregnant77 wrote: »

You have not read my posts correctly, if so you would see that I have been to a private and a HSE stop smoking clinic, at this clinic they told me hypnotherapy has no proven effictiveness with regard to stopping smoking, I have read Alan Carrs Easyway to stop smoking and am currently reading Alan Carr's Onlyway to stop smoking, I am a member here on Boards stop smoking forum, whyquit.com giveupsmoking.ie and obviously I have posted in this PI forum for additional feedback/help. I have done everything bar NRT as this is not reccomended in pregnancy. I have been giving up over and over again for five months now and am on my second day not smoking on this current attempt. So while I realise that I am open to disrespect because I am failing at this, please do not claim that I am not trying. It is not true.

I didn't say you weren't trying, I'm saying try harder.

As someone who smoked 15 -20 cigarettes a day for 15 years I knwo how hard it is but I did it cold turkey as did many who went before me.

My best friend was a huge coke addict and he went to rehab and turned his entire life around.

My dad is a recovering alcoholic and ex-smoker too.

All over the world every single day people give up smoking, drinking, eating junk food, cocaine, even heroin. yes it's hard but tough sh*t. That's the price you pay for taking up such a deadly disgusting habit.

You can give up and you would stop no matter how overwheling the craving if you truly wanted to so STOP MAKING EXCUSES.

You actually make me sick.

dudara

Beetlebum wrote: »

You actually make me sick.

Beetlebum wrote: »

You are unbelieveable. Your child will never forgive you and you deserve no respect as a mother to be.

@Beetlebum - You're borderline to a ban/infraction with these comments.

dudara

CathyMoran

Have you had a recent scan? At this stage you should be able to see a lot - if you see your baby and get an idea of what he/she looks like this might give you the extra push to quit. I know that my daddy gave up smoking when I kept on begging him as a 4 year old to quit.

jaffa20

Beetlebum wrote: »

So far nobody has been abusive to the OP but I'll admit I would be if it wouldn't result in a ban.

There was quite a few but they have been deleted.

LegacyUser

"You actually make me sick"

"Some people would kill to protect their own child, some can't even give up fags for their child"

"You are unbelieveable. Your child will never forgive you and you deserve no respect as a mother to be"

Comments like these have really confirmed what I have already been thinking - I am not strong enough to go through with this. If I can't even stop smoking then how am I going to cope with raising this child on my own. I'm just not strong enough for this. I have decided I am going to look into a second trimester abortion. Have made an apointment to see the advisor in dublin next week.

catmelodian

anonpregnant77 wrote: »

"You actually make me sick"

"Some people would kill to protect their own child, some can't even give up fags for their child"

"You are unbelieveable. Your child will never forgive you and you deserve no respect as a mother to be"

Comments like these have really confirmed what I have already been thinking - I am not strong enough to go through with this. If I can't even stop smoking then how am I going to cope with raising this child on my own. I'm just not strong enough for this. I have decided I am going to look into a second trimester abortion. Have made an apointment to see the advisor in dublin next week.

So because of comments on an internet forum by anonymous posters you are going to have an abortion?

LegacyUser

catmelodian wrote: »

So because of comments on an internet forum by anonymous posters you are going to have an abortion?

No absoloutley not, I did not mean to imply that at all. It is just that this is how I have been thinking and I quoted the above posts as illustrations/confirmations of my own thought process. I doubt anyone would make a decision like this based on what a few internet posters say.

I have found this whole experience desperatley tough (partly becuase the preganancy has occured as a result of an assualt) and I thought I was strong enough to cope but the truth is I'm not, I know in my heart I am not a strong enough woman to be a mother and a role model so I have decided not to go through with it.

I hope no-one would feel like they have prompted this decision because that is absoloutley not the case.