Old mates

LegacyUser

Hi there

Have a question whats the best way to end a friendship

I have two (well what i thought were my) best friends and they have really just messed me around for last time and i just want to cut them out of my life for good

We live in same area, have same friends and have been mates for about 10 years at least.

Thing is Im due to go away with them in July and I was all up for it when they suggested it three of us go away bla bla they were so nice and stuff to me and i was like sure why not once it was booked it went all down hill them inviting others to go along with out saying anything to me untill they had already asked... Changing where were stay to accomdate new girls going, deciding what we'll be doing on holiday even done to what name Im to have on our holiday Tshirt I just cant take it anymore.

I have spoken to them about it all so many times we'll have an arguement about it they think its all my bf fault (they hate him) and il feel like im standing up for myself and then they'll make me feel like im in the wrong and I'll end up saying sorry, Self asteem issues I know,

So i guess im looking for a way out...Any advice welcome

Thanks

kjl

right, rewind, you want to end your 10 year friendship with someone because they are organising a holiday, slow down and explain yourself.

As to your original post, I would say never burn a bridge for no reason.

reprazant

Are you looking for a way out of the holidays or the friendship?

Because I think your reaction seems a bit extreme.

Basically, you are annoyed that they invited you, then others without asking, then changed the plans slightly to accommodate some of the others? Is that issue? And you never want to talk to them again because of this?

LegacyUser

They just take advantage of our so called Friendship

They put me down when were on nights out (the times they ask me) 'your not wearing that are you-your to fat' 'Ha I dont no who how you have a bf oh yeah cause he's a d*ck'

Making/bring up stuff I told them in confidence at parties in front of everyone.

Calling my bf names and slagging him to his face.

After a night out only putting up the worse looking photos of me and saying oh I dont know what happened to other one's.

Ignoring me when out - i'l standing there talking to one or both of them and all of a sudden they just turn to each other and start talking about work -they work together and Il have no idea what there talking about.

They're controlling we had agreed that we were going to one place then they booked a different country altogether with out even seeing was this ok with me then they ask another girl to go and I find out of fb who by the way Il now be sharing a room with?
Arranging to invite more girls to come with us going out to dinner to discuss it and not saying anything to me about it one of the girls who was invited asked me would she see me there.

And when I call them up on it they were like oh we sent you a text did you not see it - you can invite who ever you want too we dont care?

I just have had enough my mom doesnt even know why im friends with these girls - because they turn everyone against you if your not they are out spreading lies saying how you chose your bf over them, thats I have no life, they've done it before. Most people dont believe them but its a small place it gets around fast.

Other friends have said its because they are jealous of my life I dont live at home I live with my bf I have a amazing career while they are stuck in childcare for rest of their lives on crap money, but I dont know why they think my life is so great I had a really bad up bringing while they got everything handed to them and I work crazy hard for this.

even now I know ive left out loads I just cant write it all down,

fasty

Stop hanging out with them. It's doing you know good.

I know that's easy for me to say, but really the best advice I was ever given was that you should stay away from things that make you unhappy if you can at all help it.

You have to cut these people out.....they are poison.

Cancel the holiday, and avoid them forever more.
Get the bf to do the dirty work, if you cant face it.
Don't pass any heed on anything they spread about you. It will be a dumbass filter.
If someone is going to form an opinion on you based on the bitter sniping of others. You don't want to know them!

waffleman

SoCalledFriends wrote: »

Other friends have said its because they are jealous of my life I dont live at home I live with my bf I have a amazing career while they are stuck in childcare for rest of their lives on crap money, but I dont know why they think my life is so great I had a really bad up bringing while they got everything handed to them and I work crazy hard for this.

Well there you go. Real friends would be happy you are getting on in life and celebrate your achievements and good times with you, then you return the favour - that's how friendship works. These people sound like jealous scum. Get rid and quick - jealous people only drag you down with their bullsh!t.

LegacyUser

Thanks for you advice I wish it was as simple as just to never speak to them again but Iv paid alot of money for the holiday and I just dont want it going down the drain

Also I just know theyll come round asking (well demanding) to know whats up and il say im sorry and just go along with it as I just cant stand the stress they bring into an agruement.

waffleman

SoCalledFriends wrote: »

Thanks for you advice I wish it was as simple as just to never speak to them again but Iv paid alot of money for the holiday and I just dont want it going down the drain

Also I just know theyll come round asking (well demanding) to know whats up and il say im sorry and just go along with it as I just cant stand the stress they bring into an agruement.

demanding??? don't let them in and they'll go away! I'm sorry but it sounds to me like you are allowing these people to make you miserable. You don't have to be around people you don't want to be with. Is your boyfriend going? Get him to book a flight to wherever it is and turn it into a romantic trip for just you and him.

Ring the airline. See what the fee is for changing to a different flight. Don't be bullied into doing anything you dont want to - there are always options. When you get back forget about them and move on with your life - you might not think it's that simple but it is that simple. Don't speak to them, don't answer their calls, don't go where they go for a few months and arrange to meet the friends you want to be with - you will be a lot happier for it.

LegacyUser

My bf was ment to be going as well and couldnt get the time off,

I dont want to be friends with them anymore but its easier said then done just to cut someone like them out of your life

Iv already tried to stop talking to them yet they are already at it making me feel guilty even though i rememebr what kind of 'friends' they're like I can feel myself giving in just for the sake of events coming up school reunion othere friends birthday's,

Also i cant change flight as I am not allowed flight information she wont send me on the information as I think she knows I dont want to go anymore

shellyboo

SoCalledFriends wrote: »

Also i cant change flight as I am not allowed flight information she wont send me on the information as I think she knows I dont want to go anymore

Good jaysus. YOu know when you're leaving and what country you're going to, it should be easy enough to find out the flight information from that.

Look, OP, I feel for you. These people are horrible. But unless you start taking responsibility for your own role in this -- that being, you continue to let them treat you like this because it's "easier" -- then nothing is ever going to change. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Something needs to change. The only thing you can control is yourself. Change. Cut them out. Don't care how difficult it is -- do it. Or you have to accept that you're putting YOURSELF through this nightmare, not them.

LegacyUser

Hi there guys

Ok have decided just to end it all and not go away on the holiday - one of the girls slapped my oh in the face at her party for him making a cheeky remark to her.

So that was final string,

I dont care about the money anymore or them I need to stand up for myself against them.

Im just looking for the best way to say I wont be going and I dont want to be friends with them anymore?

OS119

SoCalledFriends wrote: »

Im just looking for the best way to say I wont be going and I dont want to be friends with them anymore?

just send them a text/email saying that you're no longer available for the holiday and that you won't be in contact with them again. nothing else, no recriminations and no justifactions, just 'i won't be available for our planned holiday, and i won't be in contact with you again'.

then change your SIM card, change your landline number, change your facebook settings and get on with your life.

cutting people out of your life is pretty easy if they don't know your phone numbers, can't access your facebook, and don't know the email addresses you use. if they come around to your house either don't answer the door, or just open it, say 'sorry, i'm not interested' and close it again. they'll get bored pretty quiclkly...

BTW, is it your Boyfriend who has a thread here about the slapping incident?

Cianos

It sounds like your "friends" get a kick out of treating you badly. They're probably so dull and bored themselves that it's one of the only ways they get to entertain themselves. They see you as an easy victim and pose friendship with you so that you'll stick around so they can poke more fun out of you. They don't want you to turn your back on them completely, because then what are they going to do? What are they going to talk about? So they'll warm you back in 'til they can have another go.

They sound like nasty bitter people and you can do a lot better than them.

LegacyUser

Op here,

No thats not him, I couldnt believe she slapped him and I called her up on it and she said sorry.


Cianos thats excalty how it is a few months ago I tried to cut contact snd they started been so sweet and nice to - how i got trapped into holiday


Thanks for advice guys!

raoulduke1

I really feel for you op, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. recently went through a period of intense self reflection and decided the same thing as you, that there were people in my life that were just no good for me. It took all the self belief that I could muster to realise and eventually say that we were on completely different wave lengths and i was tired of subjuggating (sic) myself for their benefit. It was by far the most stressful and unnerving thing I have ever done but without it I wouldn't be where I am now, closer to the people who have supported me and pursuing my dreams which is going well for me. god knows it's not easy to do and there were many times where i thought i had just blown everything and my life was ruined (big style self esteem issues) but i fully believe it was the catalyst for better things. it started with the relisation that just because they were happy with there lifestyles does not mean that that lifestyle is right for me and the only way of finding out what does work for me is to just man up and find out for myself. I really hope things work out but please be aware that nostalgia is generally rose tinted and there maybe times you regret saying goodbye but sometimes it is better to look back fondly but move forward pragmatically.