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Doubting

  • 11-05-2010 11:29am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi, I am a male in my late 20's and I have been dumped again. I am a bit of a disaster romantically speaking. I have only dated properly well slightly more than a handful of women. The longest I have dated a woman for is 9 months or so.

    The part that has got me thinking and down a little is that the past few girls have ended it with me by fading me out basically - ie not explicitly dumping me but by fading out contact and making excuses for not meeting up until I get the hint and decide not to contact them unless they do, and they dont so then its over.

    How sad is that. To be honest this hurts me more than an explicit dumping would! Why do girls do it this way? Its horrible. The thing is I know I am a nice, genuine guy and they probably dont want to do it the "mean" way.

    I can't seem to progress from dating etc to a more intimate relationship. And by intimate relationship I dont mean physical, because with all the girls I dated we were all sexually active. I mean an emotional intimacy where you know the girl is falling for you. Basically my dating relationships have been 3, 5, 9 months long etc and have been sexual. I also never sensed them falling for me emotionally.

    I hear women talk about feeling used for sex in relationships. Maybe thats whats happened to me? I am considered and attractive guy, and I do feel slightly used when these things end this way...

    At the moment I have zero interest in dating again,

    Any thoughts on this? Maybe I need to change something?

    Thanks

    D


Comments

  • #2
    Wagon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,119 ✭✭✭Wagon


    You aren't the first person in this situation. Maybe it's the women themselves. Where are you meeting them and what age group are they?


  • #3
    Maria G
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭Maria G


    Hi OP,
    Sorry to hear you've been having a hard time. Can I suggest one thing that might help? You said your relationships were all sexually active and that you ended up feeling a bit used for sex. Have you considered putting the brakes on the sexual side of things? Everyone needs emotional intimacy in a relationship, but this wont have a chance to grow if the focus is on sex. Have you tried building up a friendship first? Maybe it's time to get back to basics, just date, take it slow and get to know each other etc. If you keep the relationship out of the bedroom you'll be able to see more clearly if she's the girl for you, and if she isn't, you'll have the freedom to end it.

    It only takes one girl by the way, so maybe you could be more selective with who you go out with. Better to be single than in the wrong relationship.

    Wishing you the best of luck :)


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