Girl still interested or not ?

Rosso

Hi! Would like the opinion from some ppl here who are more experienced when it comes to dating and relationships.

After a few years of being single, from a combination of social anxiety/phobia, work, getting over an ex-gf i was so obsessed with, and moving to a new country, I have finally had the guts to ask a girl out.

Basically its this girl at my work place whom I have seen from time to time. We dont work closely together so we rarely talk to each other, unless its work related. She's always been the 'pretty one' at our workplace and of course, I was attracted to her. Anyway, just by chance, about 2-3 months ago, our paths seem to cross a bit more often because of work. I begin to think, just from her body language every time we talk, that she might be attracted to me as well. My colleagues noticed that too, which gave me the confidence to ask her out. So at one of our work night outs, after a few drinks to muster the courage, I asked her out....and she said yes !

Well, that was about 6 weeks ago. First date was just a simple lunch. Something 'safe'. It went well. Conversation was just focused on finding out more about each other. After all, we're practically strangers before that! Since then, I have asked her out 4 more times after that and she always said yes.


Anyway, I have to admit, after 5 dates in 5 weeks, sparks are hardly flying yet. We are both introverts. With me especially, as someone with social anxiety, making small talk and be open to someone I dont 100% know is even more difficult. She herself admits to be a very private person, and finding out more about her and her thoughts is like having to peel off the layers of an onion one by one. Basically, I just think that we're not 100% comfortable with each other's presence yet...

Anyway, our last date was dinner and a musical. After that we had some drinks and then went out to the local chipper. I thought it was a good night. That was about 10 days ago. Since then I have asked her out twice but she turned them down, because she had other plans, either dinner with family or with her best friend, or busy with some presentation she is working on. I know these could very well be valid reasons obviously, and that I am just purely over reacting! After all, she has her own life, not just sitting around waiting for me to ask her out.

My issue now is I just dont know what to make of it. Am i purely over-reacting that she turned me down twice after always saying yes to the first 5 dates? While I think I like her more now than we just started, maybe with her its the exact opposite? I dont want to keep texting her and keep asking her out if she turned me down twice already and is not interested but dont know how to say so ? I mean, over the past 6 weeks, it is I who always texted her first to ask how she is, if she wants to go out etc etc etc. She has never been the one to text me first !

Anyway, I texted her a cpl of days ago asking her if she has any time free from her work. She replied that she is too busy this week and won't be free at all, because of some presentation she needed to work at. So I texted her back basically saying its pity she is too busy as I wanted to ask her out for dinner but I wished her good luck for her presentation anyway and hope it goes well.

But from now on howevermy plan is to to just back off totally and completely.The last thing I want to do is to look like a desperado texting her every week asking if she is free for a date! I know some girls just like to be chased and would never make the first move. However, its been 6 weeks and 5 dates now. If she is still interested and is genuinely busy, then she'll probably get in touch when she is less occupied, but on the other hand, if she is not interested, then I expect never to hear from her again.

So I guess, my question is, by totally backing off, am I doing the right thing, or is my logic totally flawed ! I know its a long post. Thanks for reading!

PK2008

No, I think you're right to back off a bit OP. Doesnt sound like she's making too much of an effort to show you she's keen to meet up again. Id leave the ball in her court for the moment. My gut feeling would be that after 5 dates and no sparks its probably not going to happen.

beks101

Hi Rosso,

Have you made a move on this girl yet? If I was seeing someone and after five dates they hadn't mustered up the courage to kiss me, I'd assume they're not interested in me romantically and just want a new friend, which would turn me off if I was interested.

If there's a lack of progress from one date to the next, maybe this is your problem. Fair play to you for asking her out repeatedly, that's no easy thing for anyone! But if you want things to go further, you're going to have to really show her through body language when you're out with her - ample eye contact, touch her hand lightly when you're talking to her, nudge her playfully, and move in for a kiss!

pinkpigs

Hey Op,

TBH I think that might have run it's course. If I was her and was genuinely been too busy for a date, if I really liked you then I'd make a point of arranging a date even if it was just lunch or I'd text you just to keep communication going.

Chalk that one down to experience. For what it's worth it sounds like you are a gem there are plently of women out there looking for someone like you.

PP

Rosso

beks101 wrote: »

Hi Rosso,

Have you made a move on this girl yet? If I was seeing someone and after five dates they hadn't mustered up the courage to kiss me, I'd assume they're not interested in me romantically and just want a new friend, which would turn me off if I was interested.

If there's a lack of progress from one date to the next, maybe this is your problem. Fair play to you for asking her out repeatedly, that's no easy thing for anyone! But if you want things to go further, you're going to have to really show her through body language when you're out with her - ample eye contact, touch her hand lightly when you're talking to her, nudge her playfully, and move in for a kiss!

TBH I thought that could be the case too...a cpl of times I tried to but I just couldn't muster the courage...but I guess I've missed the boat on this one !

MRBEAVER

Fatal hesitatation. easier said than done but you should have made a move. Even if she had rejected you at least you would have tried.