Does he like me?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Anyway here's my story. Recently met a guy who I'd met a few years previous (we'd snogged a couple of times back then but nothing more than that). We lost touch cos we started hanging around with different groups of people and eventually he went travelling. Over the last month or so we've happened to be in each others company on several occasion we talk for hours and then........nothing, he says goodnight I'll see you around! Its so frustrating cos I feel there is a spark between us and he's always the one to approach me first. Last weekend we happened to be in each others company again and were getting on great, he was quite drunk but asked for my number, I typed it into his phone but as a dialed number (if you know what I mean), I didn't add my name. As the night moved on we both got more drunk and he was starting to flirt with me but never made any further moves, eventually I asked him what was going on. He said he did like me but that he was really shy and was scared of rejection. I know he is extremely shy from talking to one of his friends. We ended up going home together and well I'll leave the rest to your imagination (I know this isn't the best way to start a serious relationship anddo have some regrets about it). The next moring he seemed more relaxed and we spent several hours watching tv and I made him breakfast. When He left he never mentioned seeing me again or calling me and he never attempted to kiss me or anything. Now a week later, I've heard nothing. I ran into his friend and he asked me had I had this guy made contact cos he said he was going to, so on that note seeing as I knew he was shy. i didn't have his number so added him on social network site and sent a casual message-nothing too heavy, but have heard nothing. Its been really annoying me! Was I just a cheap sh@g to him or is he just too shy to respond?Or perhaps he hasn't got the mail yet although I did send it 5days ago!All advice, help much appreciated

LegacyUser

i think he likes you but not enough.

and now he get what he wanted.

chalk it down to experience, and know a guy more before sleep with him.

LegacyUser

I totally disagree with the above post.

He comes over to you every time he sees you. He asked for your number.

He's a shy guy - he's afraid of rejection and probably doesn't know what to do.

He went back to your place and you did what people do - then he stayed with you the next day. He didn't ask for your number (as he probably thought he had it in his phone) and didn't kiss you as he wasn't sure if it was appropriate or whatever.

When you're shy and afraid, you don't want to do anything wrong.

If you like him then let him know. It sounds to me (cos he sounds like me a few years back) that he just isn't sure what to do.

If you like him then phone him up.

LegacyUser

hhlemop wrote: »

If you like him then phone him up.

well she doesn't have his number. To be honest, I'd see if he replies back to the message, was it a private mail or on his wall? did he accept your friend request and then you sent it?

LegacyUser

Hi thanks for all the replies! Ok here's how the situation now stands he excepted me as a friend on the social ntwork site today but never responded to the private. A situation has occured where we will both be in each others company (his friend who I mentioned previously) father has just died so we will both be attending the funeral, should I approach him or should I wait and see if he approaches me? He has a large group of friends who I perume will be at the funeral, these guys are jokers, so I don't want to approach him in their presence as I fear that the he may have mentioned our one night fling (although I don't think he is like that) and I may be taken the p!ss out of.

LegacyUser

if you feel uncomfortable, that you dont need to approach him. just pretend there is nothing happened.

i hope you are alright, OP. but this guy does not really like you. you guys have common friends, and you contacted him already, but he did not try contact you or reply your private message.

OP, you deserve someone better. take that fling as a fling. find someone who would treat you well.

take care.

LegacyUser

headwrecked! wrote: »

He said he did like me but that he was really shy and was scared of rejection.

If you are shy and afraid of rejection. You don't tell people that as you would be too shy and insecure to say how you really feel. I reckon it was a line "I'm so shy and afraid of rejection" so now you have to do all the chasing and start the sex because he is too shy.

There is shy in person but nobody is shy on a internet site, so he could easily have replied to your message.

Plus if you think his friends will take the p*ss out of you for sleeping with him, then they are very childish and he has no respect for you.

Where I have used the shy technique. (years ago)
One girl I had no interest in, didn't make a big effort with her. I knew she fancied me.
Out one night I was horny, she was around. So I put the moves on her. By chatting up her, it gave her a bit of power. So she decided to play hard to get, tell me how I never paid any attention to her, was only interested in a shag (she was right). I told her that was not true, I really liked her. But was very shy, especially round a girl I liked. Gave her some more spiel, blah, bah, ended up back in bed. Never spoke to her again.
It's the way some young men behave.

rediguana25

ddjsdfkljdfkl wrote: »

Where I have used the shy technique. (years ago)
One girl I had no interest in, didn't make a big effort with her. I knew she fancied me.
Out one night I was horny, she was around. So I put the moves on her. By chatting up her, it gave her a bit of power. So she decided to play hard to get, tell me how I never paid any attention to her, was only interested in a shag (she was right). I told her that was not true, I really liked her. But was very shy, especially round a girl I liked. Gave her some more spiel, blah, bah, ended up back in bed. Never spoke to her again.
It's the way some young men behave.

ddjsdfkljdfkl -Really hope you've changed since that!!
God guys are such D**ks sometimes....OP Best thing to do is pick yourself up dust yourself off and start again. He had the chance to reply to your message and he didn't - and as a previous poster mentioned shyness is not that much of an issue online...All you did was trust someone that you liked and believed that they were being open and honest with you....now I'm not saying that things might turn around and he may still contact you but honestly I would be just leaving it now..I know I'm going to get hung for saying this but really if a guy likes you he'll contact you and I really think you should leave the chasing to them...shy or not you gave him a chance...so best to move on I"m afraid and you never know..if it's gonna happen it will..just best not to wreck your head over it...
Best of luck...I know it's a ****ty feeling when you like someone and you think it's the start of something great but you end up being a slave to your phone....Never again OP....move on and remember there are plenty of people out there that will be dying to contact you for real!

ohanloj3

Ok here's how the situation has changed or actually maybe it hasn't at all. Went to the funeral yesterday and he was there and we went back to the pub afterwards. Was sitting in close proximity to him in the pub, we've some of the same friends, for ages he didn't approach me but kept looking over and when we made eye contact he'd look around.

Was talking with several of the lads they never mentioned our previous encounter but a few of them mentioned how shy he was and for me to give him a chance.

After several hours he approached me, we got talking he bought me a few drinks. We left the pub at the same time and he said he'd make sure I got home ok, I said no I'd take care of myself, told him I didn't wanna rerun of last time that I wasn't a cheap shag, he got annoyed with me told me that he couldn't believe he I thought of him like that.

After a few snogs he told me he'd been thinking about me a lot and I asked him why he never responded to my mail, he said cos he only read it day before funeral and he knew he'd see me at funeral.

Am i being fed a line? Anyway he told me he liked me a lot that I was pretty but hes shy!! We didn't seem to be getting anywhere so I got into a cab, but before I could get in he took my number, that was only last night but I've heard nothing!

Am I expecting a text or call too soon? am I reading more into this than is there?Oh and another thing, I'm not used to getting compliments and I tend to have a sarcastic tone when I'm embarrassed so maybe he gets the impression that I'm not interested, although I feel its obvious that I am cos I've done all the chasing!

Any advice??

Its hard to talk to my friends bout this cos a lot of their boyfriends are his friends so would be afraid it would get back to him some how and I'd look like a plank! All opinions or advice hugely appreciated!

ohanloj3

Oh actually one of his friends, who I don't particularly like would be this guys partner in crime and who he went travelling with, at first kept saying, how this guy when they were away had girls lining up blah, blah, blah! Don't know if that was for my benefit and honestly don't know how true that was, hes a wind up merchant and our feelings towards each other are than mutual! But surely if they were lining up (if thats true!) then hes not as shy as he makes out. My head really is wrecked, I really like this guy and its so frustrating!

Denimgirl

ohanloj3 wrote: »

Oh actually one of his friends, who I don't particularly like would be this guys partner in crime and who he went travelling with, at first kept saying, how this guy when they were away had girls lining up blah, blah, blah! Don't know if that was for my benefit and honestly don't know how true that was, hes a wind up merchant and our feelings towards each other are than mutual! But surely if they were lining up (if thats true!) then hes not as shy as he makes out. My head really is wrecked, I really like this guy and its so frustrating!

Right don't contact him, try not to think of him,I don't believe guys are shy at all so for a start thats BS! He was'n t shy having a rumble in bed with you so don't be believe thats cr*p!He seemed to have broken the ice with you after the funeral and he now has your number so he may call don't get me wrong but just carry on with your business and try not to think of him, and don't mind his mate I had this problem with my ex BF's friend in the past, he hates to lose his "wingman"so he trys to turn you off of him seems to be the oldest trick inthe book with jealous guys losing their social life coz their buddy is with a girl ignore him!!laugh AT him!

LegacyUser

Denimgirl wrote: »

Right don't contact him, try not to think of him,I don't believe guys are shy at all so for a start thats BS! He was'n t shy having a rumble in bed with you so don't be believe thats cr*p!He seemed to have broken the ice with you after the funeral and he now has your number so he may call don't get me wrong but just carry on with your business and try not to think of him, and don't mind his mate I had this problem with my ex BF's friend in the past, he hates to lose his "wingman"so he trys to turn you off of him seems to be the oldest trick inthe book with jealous guys losing their social life coz their buddy is with a girl ignore him!!laugh AT him!

Thanks for your reply! I know I shouldn't contact him but its very hard when I like him so much, sad I know!

I know your right bout his wingman! I think hes afraid he'll lose his drinking buddy!

My friends whos boyfriend is mates with the guy rang tonight to tell me she was in the pub and he was there and he was talking about me to her but never mentioned contacting me, just saying I was nice and a sound girl or whatever!

I have to say I do believe the shyness thing, the night he was in bed with me before that he was very very shy and it was only after he had a few drinks that anything happened

LegacyUser

Hi well here is how the story stands? Haven't seen the guy sent last week, hes text several times (although I initially had to send the first text) I've replied to him and then nothing for several days and then another text and this has continued ever since. Well today I got a text from him saying saying "see you saturday, heard your going out with the girls"! Alot of my friends boyfriends would be this guys friends! What does this mean? You're all prob going to tell me it means nothing that I'm reading into something thats not there! Is he saying hes going cos I'll be there? Or is he saying he'd be there even if I wasn't there??

LegacyUser

Lads can be shy, trust me. He doesnt sound like a player really, he may not want to commit himself too much in case it goes wrong but to be honest see if you meet him Saturday. If you do, smile at him when you see him, as a reasonably shy lad that puts you at ease straight off!. Make conversation if you can but don't be too full on. I know that's a lot of things to remember but if he genuinely likes you, he'll want to try and spend time talking to you if he can!. If he doesn't well then you'll have a fair enough indicator I guess.

Denimgirl

your not going to know until Saturday,but I don;t think this is going anywhere it's not supposed to be this complicated the guy has had many chances to ask you out all week when texting,I could be wrong on this and he could truly be shy but come on he sounds like too much hard work to me!a bit of a head melter maybe he's inmature,be careful you don't turn into friends with benefits! let us know what goes off on Saturday! x

Pentecost

From a lad's point of view he's not necessarily messing you around. It's a definite possibility but it's not guaranteed. If he was talking about you to your friend that's a positive as being brutally honest if I'd kissed a girl and wanted little more to do with her I wouldn't be encouraging conversation about her if I could avoid it. He may not be very good at the whole etiquette of who texts who, who asks who out and when. See what Saturday brings, try and be relaxed and ideally desirable but don't ignore him if he's in your group!. That just causes unnecessary problems tbh.

SarahSassy

Oh hello, he is leading you on a merry dance. You didn’t have to text him, you chose to text him and are now chasing him. As another poster said, he is not that shy if he can sleep with you and then also kiss you, he is playing you are you are letting him.

Forget about him until he makes the same level of effort, or more, that you are making.

LegacyUser

ohanloj3 wrote: »

...cos I've done all the chasing!

I think this might be your problem right here.
Not so much the fact that your the one to try initiate contact with him. But if that's the case, this is probably reflected also in your attitude around him.

IME this happens alot with girls.

Maybe this isn't what applies to you, but what I find is that when hooking up with a girl, they tend to focus alot on being the point of attention, as oppose to making you the point of their attention.

That translates as, you should focus more on the affect your having on him - you should be able to control him - as oppose to the reaction your looking for, out of him, because in doing that, what you actually doing is projecting a sort of needy vibe - and that's a big turn off.
Does that make any sense?

Well, as I said, at the "hooking up" stage between guys and girls, it's more the problem for the guy - he let's the girl be too much in control - doesn't focus on the affect he as a man is having on her, but is more looking for her reaction to him.

Past that "hook up" point however, this role tends to be reversed - for various reasons.

Maybe it would help to just try and be more conscious of the above when your around him - just be conscious of the affect that you as a female - and females can be so powerful when they project their femininity - are having on him, as oppose to looking for a positive reaction without being conscious of this.
As an attractive girl, and he likes you - by rights you should be able to have him wrapped around your finger - if you want.

Well, that's my tupence worth. Good luck!

LegacyUser

product of my environ wrote: »

I think this might be your problem right here.
Not so much the fact that your the one to try initiate contact with him. But if that's the case, this is probably reflected also in your attitude around him.

IME this happens alot with girls.

Maybe this isn't what applies to you, but what I find is that when hooking up with a girl, they tend to focus alot on being the point of attention, as oppose to making you the point of their attention.

That translates as, you should focus more on the affect your having on him - you should be able to control him - as oppose to the reaction your looking for, out of him, because in doing that, what you actually doing is projecting a sort of needy vibe - and that's a big turn off.
Does that make any sense?

Well, as I said, at the "hooking up" stage between guys and girls, it's more the problem for the guy - he let's the girl be too much in control - doesn't focus on the affect he as a man is having on her, but is more looking for her reaction to him.

Past that "hook up" point however, this role tends to be reversed - for various reasons.

Maybe it would help to just try and be more conscious of the above when your around him - just be conscious of the affect that you as a female - and females can be so powerful when they project their femininity - are having on him, as oppose to looking for a positive reaction without being conscious of this.
As an attractive girl, and he likes you - by rights you should be able to have him wrapped around your finger - if you want.

Well, that's my tupence worth. Good luck!

Thanks everyone for your replies!

Product of my environ, think I get what your saying, please correct me if I'm wrong- Your basically saying that in order to get him interested I need to focus the attention on him rather than me initially, is that it?? Sorry for a stupid question but I'm not very good at this kinda thing but how would you suggest i do this??

I know it sounds stupid but this is really upsetting me now, I really like him, from what I've heard he likes me but from his actions or lack there of, its becoming apparent that that's not the case that I've been a quick sh@g/snog at the end of drunken nights out! Its really affecting me I'm thinking about him alot constantly checking my phone/facebook for replies. I know he got my last facebook message cos he's been online since and has replied to another girls message but not mine. At the moment I've nobody to really talk to about this, I feel I can't really discuss it with alot of my friends cos they're also friends with him.

This is the first guy who has vaguely shown genuine interest in me in along time, and perhaps I'm clutching at straws to try make it be more than it actually is.

LegacyUser

be natural when you see him saturday.

smile, believe in yourself, draw up yourself. show your interest in him, but never never tell him your feelings. never invite him for a dance. but talk with him nicely with smiles, maturely.

remember not to sleep with him that night. that's very important.

stop initiate anything. wait for his turn.

come on, he's a guy, if he likes you much, he will break through his shyness. he knows you like him, what else he should do? he just needs to chase you a bit then he can have you. if he doesnt do this, let him go. enjoy the chasing of other guys give you.

women should be chased. men like chasing women. anyway, do you like to be someone who needs you to do all the work? it wont work out.

Kimia

I'm sorry OP but he doesn't like you. Not as much as you want him to. You have done all the running, you have given him every chance to begin a relationship with you and he hasn't. There's no reason for it, he just hasn't.

It shouldn't be THIS hard to start a relationship and if the other person really liked you it wouldn't be, so please, for your own sanity, leave it.

Oh and be prepared for the inevitable 'I really like you' dance when he cops that you don't care anymore. You're feeding his ego and he's stringing you along so if you cut him off he'll probably try and get you back where he wants you (where you are right now). Resist!

LegacyUser

Kimia wrote: »

I'm sorry OP but he doesn't like you. Not as much as you want him to. You have done all the running, you have given him every chance to begin a relationship with you and he hasn't. There's no reason for it, he just hasn't.

It shouldn't be THIS hard to start a relationship and if the other person really liked you it wouldn't be, so please, for your own sanity, leave it.

Oh and be prepared for the inevitable 'I really like you' dance when he cops that you don't care anymore. You're feeding his ego and he's stringing you along so if you cut him off he'll probably try and get you back where he wants you (where you are right now). Resist!

Thanks think I needed to hear that right now for my own sanity!

LegacyUser

Well I guess he REALLY doesn't like me, its Saturday night/Sunday morning and I'm sitting at home alone!

Katgurl

Ah sorry hear that op was he out, did you see at all?

LegacyUser

Katgurl wrote: »

Ah sorry hear that op was he out, did you see at all?

Hi, yeah he was out, I only came into the pub at the end of the night and he was there he never even said hello, when I tried to make eye contact with him to wave or say hello, he turned around and started talking to someone else! How could I have been so gullible?

Katgurl

You haven't been gullible op you can't be held responsible for someone elses bad manners.

The guy isn't good enough for you, end of. Forget about him and look forward to a nicer one coming along.

LegacyUser

headwrecked! wrote: »

Hi, yeah he was out, I only came into the pub at the end of the night and he was there he never even said hello, when I tried to make eye contact with him to wave or say hello, he turned around and started talking to someone else! How could I have been so gullible?

Yeah, I just want to highlight this is just my opinion, going on what I've gleaned from your posts - but it seems like you could probably benefit from maintaining a greater presence of mind.

Yes, focus on the guy but not to much, just enough to let your intuition work and then take it from there.
Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

LegacyUser

product of my environ wrote: »

Yeah, I just want to highlight this is just my opinion, going on what I've gleaned from your posts - but it seems like you could probably benefit from maintaining a greater presence of mind.

Yes, focus on the guy but not to much, just enough to let your intuition work and then take it from there.
Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

Sorry but I don't really understand what you mean. To complicate things even further he just text me this, 'Why didn't you come talk to me last night? I was hoping you would', like what the hell am I supposed to say to that??!!

LegacyUser

op,

you can,

a. ignore him completely.
b. txt him back saying: are you a man? you could talk with me. now fu-k off.

he is playing you. dont entertain him anymore.

Denimgirl

headwrecked! wrote: »

Sorry but I don't really understand what you mean. To complicate things even further he just text me this, 'Why didn't you come talk to me last night? I was hoping you would', like what the hell am I supposed to say to that??!!

he is a player shy my as$! he obviously know syou like him so he's toying with you!my advise is ignore this moran,play with him back and when he thinks he's hooked you walk away!you'll feel great that you gotone up on him!!lol

Katgurl

oval night wrote: »

op,

you can,

a. ignore him completely.
b. txt him back saying: are you a man? you could talk with me. now fu-k off.

he is playing you. dont entertain him anymore.

Ha ha I always try do 'a' but invariably end up doing 'b'

I have zero tolerance with these pricks

LegacyUser

If a man's actions and words don't match up, run a mile. It's a rule I live by and it's served me well!

LegacyUser

headwrecked! wrote: »

Sorry but I don't really understand what you mean. To complicate things even further he just text me this, 'Why didn't you come talk to me last night? I was hoping you would', like what the hell am I supposed to say to that??!!

lol, sorry sweatheart - play it cool, is what I mean to say (why didn't I just say that originally..)

Give hints your interested, but let him come to you - if he's shy make it easy for him, but make sure your letting him come to you. This is what guys like/want - to be the aggressor. You know what I mean? (FINALLY!!!! )

From what your describing and whatnot, it actually sounds like the guy likes you, why else would he keep getting in touch.
Maybe your eager vibe is just a little off putting/needy etc? (Strictly my speculation!!)

<snip>

Peace out.

LegacyUser

Ye finally get you thanks!! Don't worry I'm a bit slow on the uptake anyway!! He text last night wondering if I want to go the the park tomorrow if weather is nice, don't know what to do, haven't replied yet!

LegacyUser

headwrecked! wrote: »

Ye finally get you thanks!! Don't worry I'm a bit slow on the uptake anyway!! He text last night wondering if I want to go the the park tomorrow if weather is nice, don't know what to do, haven't replied yet!

Go to the park, but go because you want to get out in the sun. Don't go just because it's another chance to meet with Mister Doesn't-Know-His-Ar*e-From-His-Elbow. You don't owe him anything, he's treated you like cr*p up until now. He hasn't shown you that he's trustworthy. He might be getting the hint that you're annoyed with him for the way he's treated you, and is trying to get back on track.
We all have to prove ourselves to other people on a day to day basis. Add a relationship scenario into that, and you have to make double the effort. D*ck someone around, and you have to put quadruple the amount of effort (and more) into proving yourself. This guy has d*cked you around, he's starting from way behind the line. He's a lot of catching up to do.
It might just be easier to find a man who'll treat you well from the get go. It really shouldn't be as hard as Mr DKHAFHE is making it!

LOLA08

Hi, yeah he was out, I only came into the pub at the end of the night and he was there he never even said hello, when I tried to make eye contact with him to wave or say hello, he turned around and started talking to someone else! How could I have been so gullible?

i have just read this and i cannot believe you would even consider meeting this guy again. his behaviour is dam right rude, bad mannered, and selfish. think about it he deliberately ignored you, deliberately, this is a guy you have meet on a good few occasions, snogged perhaps more... and this is how he is treating you. ask yourself this, would you have done the same to him? so start as you mean to go on. if a guy likes ya he will ring. and you will know he likes you, he will make it clear. after all you like him and that is what you are doing contacting him.

LegacyUser

headwrecked! wrote: »

I know it sounds stupid but this is really upsetting me now, I really like him,

I'm thinking about him alot constantly checking my phone/facebook for replies.

This is the first guy who has vaguely shown genuine interest in me in along time

Harsh but fair, this is a classic case of desperation.

The only reason you are thinking about this guy is because he is the only guy who showed you any attention. You need to build yourself up, then, if a guy treated you like this you would know what to do, forget him and not waste your time.

dublingal80

if i was you id be getting annoyed at this stage with all the messing around between the two of you. he asked you to the park, you like him... go!
then when you are out, just be honest and ask him whats going on. tell him that you like him and you would like to meet up a little more, just the two of you and see what he says
you need to know where you stand and if he is "too shy" to bring it up himself, you have to do it.

personally though, if a guy likes you , he likes you. he will let you know