Putting a brave face on!

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Don't really know where to start with this, but anyways!

In recent years, I have suffered from depression, I'm a 22yr old female. From what I generally reckon to originate from my childhood. What I mean from this, is that my mum and I suffered badly from abuse from my alcoholic father, if you would even call him that!

I have been recieving help for my circumstances, however, I feel as if things are starting to spiral out of control and I don't feel as if I can come out and admit it.

Like, last week I went to see my GP who is extremely helpful to get my prescription for my anti-depressants but I couldn't tell him or anyone else! I see a psyciatrist on a regular basis but I feel so uncomfortable there that I tend to freeze up. Obviously, my GP refered me to the psyciatrist a while back for my destructive behaviour. This behaviour has now ceased for the time being, but I am stuck in a place which I feel is worse that the things that I was doing previously to this. (self-harm)

I feel as if I need to say something to some one but in one sence I am afraid of the consequences might be of what I tell anyone. I have college exams starting in a week and I am afraid due to the lack of preparation, my current anxiety/state that this is going to drive me over the edge quite literally. It's not an immediate thought, more like something that is niggling away at me. I am trying so hard, but it dosn't seem hard enough!

Does anybody have any suggestions as to what I should do or approach this situation without clamming up?

Thanks

newtoboards

Go to your gp and tell them how you feel and perhaps consider asking for a referral to another psychiatrist. Tell them just what you told us here and if you feel you can't articulate it then print off your post here and bring it with you.

Kanoe

how you feel about where you are now is natural, you're moving through a process and leaving behind some things that you want to hold onto and it can be hard to let them go. Give it a little time and hate to say the p word (patience) but it will be worth it.
agree with the above in that there's no harm in asking for a referral or taking a look around for another approach. [can I name books mods? creating self esteem by lynda field, really light, easy and useful read, some stuff on the internets too]

LegacyUser

Yea, I think the problem for me is just comming out with it! Like at the same time I'm trying to be a bit cautious because I am afraid they might admit me.

Being honest nobody knows about my situation and it's quite alot more complicated than a littke bit of abuse as a child. I have talked through my situation with the GP and Psyciatrist but I don't feel as if I am getting anywhere talking about it!

I am also afraid of the reaction I might get, like I am going home for the summer now in three weeks time and if I were to open up, my family may have to become involved, which is something which I definitely don't want to happen.

Because I am a public patient would they allow me to be referred again to a different hosp or will the whole catchment area thing apply.

I am trying so hard to distract myself, trying to pull myself together but it seems that I'm getting no where...I know I need to move on.

Kanoe

I saw two different therapists over the space of about three years, one was part of group counselling and the other a cbt therapist, on neither occasion did I completely divulge any information that I didn't choose to. In the first instance (with the group) it wouldn't have been appropriate but it did spur me to investigate some issues further with the second and even then I genuinely didn't feel like he was able to relate, so I never went there.
He did however use a lot of worksheets that, while I wasn't interested in completing as a task with him, found very useful on my own so I sort of continued down that route with books and workshops. It meant I didn't really have to talk to anybody about anything but I did confront the issues personally, which is how I like it. (I had lost the ability to communicate verbally, a lot of it due to the fact that I got to the stage where I believed what I had to say wouldn't matter anyway)

I'm not sure how the referral system works as a public patient, someone might have some more info here but it would be a useful topic to open the conversation up with your doc, from that angle you can just query your options without having to commit to anything. Best of luck with the exams..and try to relax if you can