should I stay or go?

Boo27

Hi all,

I been having a bit of a hard time in my relationship and to make things more fun Im 6 months pregnant and need to figure out if I should leave him and go it alone or stick with him.

My partner is a good person but he hasnt got one once of emotion in his body... to put it simply he never shows any affection for me.. its always me that has to make the effort, he doesnt appreciate me or show any concern for me. I do everything for him and kiss and cuddle him everyday because I love him so much,,,but the fact that we have a baby on the way now.. and really starting to think would it be fair to our baby to have a father that shows no love or affection.

We have talked about this before,, and he has promised that he will try and make more of an effort,, but things are just the same and when I get upset over it he tells me that I need help!!

We havent spoken in 3 days and we live together and have only one bed!!! He will never give in and apologise or take any responsibility for his actions and I just dont know if I can put up with it anymore... I have tried so many time to trya nd explain to him how he makes me feel like **** sometimes and that he makes me feel like one of his companions rather than the person he is supposed to love and care about...

I just wish I could make him understand what his is doing and that he is driving me away......But its like he has total tunnel vision and just wont see it from someone elses point of view.. I dont want to leave him, but its not just about me anymore.

Really like the views of both men and women on this... Am I being selfish or ??????

g'em

moved from tLL

damienmcd

I think the most important thing here is that you will be having a baby in the next few months. The big question IMO is: would you rather a) Have to bring up a child alone who will not have both parents together in a relationship or b) Have a relationship with this guy and hopefully the arrival of your son / daughter might galvanize your relationship.

I don't have kids myself but I have friends who say that since they have had a baby together it has completely changed the relationship for the better. Now I'm not going to promise that it cannot go the other way but there are some serious questions to be answered.

As always, you need to discuss this with your partner and both be honest with eachother. If you are going to have a conversation about it you need to assure him that he can be honest with you and you must accept his honest opinion and he must accept yours.

It is a huge thing to have to talk about but it is better to have it sorted out before you have your child.

I hope it works out for you though! Good Luck!

Boo27

thank Damien,

I will try and do this,,, just have to break the silence first

LegacyUser

You sound unreasonable to me.

You're angry at him because he doesn't show you affection so you're thinking of depriving him of his child? How nuts is this? He's a good person and you love him very much but you're "starting to think would it be fair to our baby to have a father that shows no love or affection"?

Your baby already has his/her father, that's not in your gift anymore. All you can do is separate them because you're upset at him.

"He will never give in and apologise or take any responsibility for his actions" and "I just wish I could make him understand what his is doing and that he is driving me away". Tell me, what are his actions and what is he doing that's driving you away? You haven't mentioned any actions of his...?

If there is some problem between you, or you have fallen out of love and can't stand each other of course you have a decision to make. But if you're just feeling neglected, then stand on your own feet - it's not his job to 'mammy' you! You're a full grown adult - and of course you are his companion.

Six months pregnant is not an easy place to be - I've been there. Don't mistake the heebie-jeebies for a relationship falling apart.

And quit the "its not just about me anymore" stuff. From what you're saying it is entirely just about you. And maybe he's right that some counselling would help you sort your mind out. It does help when you're very troubled. And being pregnant, giving birth and having a child turns your life upside down.

Maybe try seeing someone for a couple of sessions - it will help you look at things from the outside.

inmyday

hi boo.

i disagree with kobe completely. i dont know why you would make a comment like that. im sure its not that easy to just go. you cant say go, we dont know the details.

there are some important details missing. but i can guess, the two of you must be in love if you are living together and 6months pregnant?? how long are you together?
is he a quiet person in general? is he not very open???

3nights of no talking sounds like hell, why are you two not talking? what happened? do you think he is pssed off?
do you think he has anything to hide?

TheDieHardFan1

Get an abortion.

Zaph

TheDieHardFan1 wrote: »

Get an abortion.

Banned

Whispered

Fuschiagirl, looking for some affection from your partner is NOT looking for him to "mammy you" as you put it.

OP, I don't think you sound unreasonable at all. But you have more than yourself to think of now. As does he. You need to break the silence and have an open discussion. Let him know that he is pushing you away and that you feel a bit taken for granted. Give him the chance to fix this. He might not know how importnt it is for you. Maybe you can explain to him that you want it not only for yourself, but also so that your child will grow up in an open and affection filled home. Be careful not to try make out it's ONLY for the baby though.

Has he ever been affectionate etc? Maybe the pregnancy has frightened him a bit?

Boo27

Hi all,

Thanks for all your comments, even though if some were a bit harsh:(!!

But I got a big bunch of roses and a massive apology for everything last night and the best make up sex ever!!!:D

Think ill dig my heels in a bit longer with this one..

Thanks again

slowmoe

i would be wary of confusing a real make up with him just looking for sex. Tbh i think i would just talk to him if he apologises and say sorry darling but i really don't feel like sex tonight i've been very upset. I think his reaction would show you an awful lot of truth about the apology.

Op some people aren't very affectionate, thats just something that probably isn't his fault but what would worry me is that he has the immaturity nd stubborness to refuse to talk to his pregnant girlfriend for 3 days??? :eek: and you live together???? Thats insane imo. He really needs to look in the mirror and grow up a bit, he is about to become a father, this is childs behaviour not a parent.

Its possible he is just freaking out getting close to the baby appearing. I suggest you both sit down together maybe on opposite sides of the table so he won't freak out if you cuddle him or anything and talk about the baby coming and also about this other troubling instances of your relationship.

Good luck and congratulations

LegacyUser

OP please remember
men and women go through different things with a pregnancy
Men for one have no physical changes, they have no constant reminder, they are much as there were before it happened.
You go on an emotional (faster) and physical journey, men emotional only and takes longer as they play the waiting game and are disconnected initially from the physical aspects

Do bear that in mind in the wider context

Your problem seems to be before the pregnancy - some people arent comfortable showing emotion, some are genuinely scared (eg of being hurt of being vunerable etc etc)

How do you talk to him about this, how does he feel have you asked him or have you made what might seem pseudo demands to him that he is affectionate?
Try ask him what he feels and what he thinks and what he if he is scared - rather then coming from the coalface of you you you
its a different appraoch but the same endgame