Am i being harsh?

LegacyUser

Hi folks, wee bit of advice please...

I have been going out with my girlfriend now for just over a year. I get on really well with my girl friend and we have great craic together. But this past wee while, certain things about her have been starting to annoy me. Firstly, and I know i'm running the risk of sounding like a twat here, but she's started to let herself go a little. When we first started going out, she always did herself up really well and looked amazing but this past while she hasnt really bothered. I cant bring myself to tell her but she really needs to get her facial hair sorted. I realise as i am typing this how daft it all sounds. But im finding it hard to even kiss when i see she has a faint moustache and hair under her chin. As well as that whenever we are eating, she thinks nothing of just burping in front of me, something i find bad mannered and unladylike. I dont want to mention any of this to her cos i know i will hurt her feelings but its starting to really turn me off her....

helimachoptor

OP i think it depends on what boundaries you have in your relationship. There are certain things that are a no no in my relationship no matter how comfortable I am. But I would suggest gently bringing the topics up.

Did i mention do it gently!

TheDieHardFan1

I have been going out with my girlfriend now for just over a year. I get on really well with my girl friend and we have great craic together. But this past wee while, certain things about her have been starting to annoy me. Firstly, and I know i'm running the risk of sounding like a twat here, but she's started to let herself go a little. When we first started going out, she always did herself up really well and looked amazing but this past while she hasnt really bothered. I cant bring myself to tell her but she really needs to get her facial hair sorted. I realise as i am typing this how daft it all sounds. But im finding it hard to even kiss when i see she has a faint moustache and hair under her chin. As well as that whenever we are eating, she thinks nothing of just burping in front of me, something i find bad mannered and unladylike. I dont want to mention any of this to her cos i know i will hurt her feelings but its starting to really turn me off her....

I'm not going to spare your feelings because let's face it your not sparing them either.

You are going out with a pig. This woman knows that you are turned off by her appearance and her behaviour and she doesn't care.

She also knows you are not just afraid to hurt her feelings by telling her what all her past boyfriends probably told her before but you are afraid to leave her.

The problem though is not her.

It's you.

You are attracted to women who have good manners, who are ladylike, who do not have facial hair, who look after themselves, who don't belch like a pig etc.

So why the hell did you lower your standards?

Are you scared of being alone? Do you need female company?

If you feel like that and settle for a pig, you are always going to be unhappy.

Stop being a boyfriend and become a man friend.

Dump this vile woman and instead go out there and go after a stunner instead.

Start believing in yourself.

Don't ask "Am I being harsh?"

Deep down there somewhere is the real you that you have been told all your life to hide.

That is the voice of the guy you want to be telling the whimp that everyone sees on the outside to grow a pair.

iguana

Guest BF wrote: »

As well as that whenever we are eating, she thinks nothing of just burping in front of me, something i find bad mannered and unladylike.

Have you ever burped or farted in front of her? If not then simply tell her you prefer people to break wind in private as much as possible and ask if she would afford you the curtsey you afford her. If you have farted/burped in front of her, you haven't got a leg to stand on when you criticise her for this. If it really bothers you perhaps you could suggest to her that you could both initiate more 'mystery and romance' into the relationship by being a bit more private about bodily functions.

As for the facial hair thing well the fact is most women have facial hair and it gets heavier as they get older. She may not be 'letting herself go' this facial hair may be new and not something she has ever thought about. It's a tough one to bring up and if you feel like you can't approach it with her for fear of upsetting her you could try getting her a voucher for a beauty salon which offers facial hair removal. But she may also not have a problem with the facial hair, not all women want to conform to the same beauty standards. It doesn't mean she is letting herself go, just that she is choosing to look a particular way.

MD!

the burping thing is easy to fix...next time she does it just say its gross. that wouldnt hurt my feelings. just a word about the weight/facial hair thing. there is a condition that many women develop called PCOS (there are threads about it in Ladies Lounge and Personal Issues i think) and those are some of they symptoms-she may need to see a doctor.