Advise re drink problem

LegacyUser

So goin private on thisone for obvious reasons

Try and make this short, I have a serious drink problem and have decided to go to rehab, frightened as hell

My parents want me to go but my mother won't talk to me because I won't check into a 12 week program, 30 days is scary enough for me, but this stand off with my mother is making things harder

I'm asking for help but its not good enough for her, feel like just lleaving her out of it from now on if she continues, am I wrong, any recovering alcoholics out there with any advise. I'm 29 by the way and lucky that they care

username123

Private wrote: »

I have a serious drink problem and have decided to go to rehab

Private wrote: »

I won't check into a 12 week program

Why not? If you have a serious drink problem, whats 12 weeks out of your life to try to address it?

It sounds like youre just making excuses and not giving it the best shot that can be given. You either want to get well or you dont - your decision.

josh3

its a big step...i did 28 days not long ago and found it to be lifechanging....its funny how they get to a lot of the causes of the drinking/drugging....best of luck and if you have any questions you can pm me..

LegacyUser

How dare you say I'm making excuses, what excuses?
A non-alcoholic/ non professional insists I do 12 weeks, there choice no mine
I am going to rehab, I am a still suffering alcoholic but don't want to do 12 weeks, I am willing and wanting to do a 30 day program for myself, for my life, my choice, do you know how frighening that is in its self. Or should I unwillingly do 12 weeks out of my mothers choice? that was what I was wondering

Kimia

God you sound quite selfish OP. Although that is common with alcoholic's i suppose. You will understand this more when you've done a bit of soul searching but i'll try to explain. You seem to have no idea how your drinking has affected your parents. For your mother to suggest a 12 week program tells me that she is extremely worried about you and that stuff has happened to make her worry.

There is no need to get so defensive. At the end of the day you're the one that needs to decide to help yourself and it's pretty pointless raging to others about 'how dare they' such and such. It's just a stupid attitude to have.

I have seen this time and time again with alcoholics - you feel so guilty about yourself that it turns into agression and you hit back at people in your life even though all they do is care. Like the way you are overdramatising this line:

Or should I unwillingly do 12 weeks out of my mothers choice? that was what I was wondering

Lot of self-pity going on here and very obvious from your question. My question to you would be 'what's the difference between 30 days and 12 weeks? At the end of your life - when you are either a recovering alcoholic or still suffering - will those extra days really make a difference? Will you rage against your mother then for not trying harder to make you see?

Your parents are only trying to help you, stop being so agressive towards then and either get help or stay an alcoholic - it's up to you.

Of course it's frightening but if you want to recover you have to suck it up and stop taking out your rage at yourself on other people.

gilmour

Kimia wrote: »

God you sound quite selfish OP. Although that is common with alcoholic's i suppose. You will understand this more when you've done a bit of soul searching but i'll try to explain. You seem to have no idea how your drinking has affected your parents. For your mother to suggest a 12 week program tells me that she is extremely worried about you and that stuff has happened to make her worry.

There is no need to get so defensive. At the end of the day you're the one that needs to decide to help yourself and it's pretty pointless raging to others about 'how dare they' such and such. It's just a stupid attitude to have.

I have seen this time and time again with alcoholics - you feel so guilty about yourself that it turns into agression and you hit back at people in your life even though all they do is care. Like the way you are overdramatising this line:



Lot of self-pity going on here and very obvious from your question. My question to you would be 'what's the difference between 30 days and 12 weeks? At the end of your life - when you are either a recovering alcoholic or still suffering - will those extra days really make a difference? Will you rage against your mother then for not trying harder to make you see?

Your parents are only trying to help you, stop being so agressive towards then and either get help or stay an alcoholic - it's up to you.

Of course it's frightening but if you want to recover you have to suck it up and stop taking out your rage at yourself on other people.

Never ever become an addict counsellor

OP i understand both sides, but the most important thing is that you deal with the issue in hand, that is obviously quitting and abstaining from alcohol. How you choose to go about that is entirely in your hands and nobody elses, the quicker you understand this the better, whether it be a 30 day or 12 week program the fundamental issue still lies with you.
My advice would be to go with whatever method you will feel most comfortable with, as long as you're not avoiding the longer method to suit your alcoholic needs. Have belief in yourself that you can overcome this, i know from my own personal experience that you're probably scared ****less right now, that is absolutely normal but its crucial that you believe you can do it, not only for yourself but for your mother and your family who as you said, care. I wish you the very best of luck.

LegacyUser

Private wrote: »

How dare you say I'm making excuses, what excuses?
A non-alcoholic/ non professional insists I do 12 weeks, there choice no mine
I am going to rehab, I am a still suffering alcoholic but don't want to do 12 weeks, I am willing and wanting to do a 30 day program for myself, for my life, my choice, do you know how frighening that is in its self. Or should I unwillingly do 12 weeks out of my mothers choice? that was what I was wondering

I don't by any means wish to sound flippant but the best choice is almost certainly that which is the toughest one for you. You have to attack this at its roots, which are probably very deep and will take longer to expunge/deal with. There are ways of engaging with pain and there are forms of self-denial that can be life-transforming. If you look at your current situation a bit differently your very understandable fear is also reflecting the reality that you are at the cusp, if you wish, of changing your life around fundamentally, at a turning point. This is a time of huge opportunity. Change is fearful for most of us.


Never mind what your Mam or anybody else says. Such a consideration is, or at least it should be, incidental to the big personal battle you are going on. This is about you, your determination, your character and your making something out of your life. I know emotionally I couldn't find room for anybody else when I had to fight my demons. They consumed me, they suffocated me, and they utterly overwhelmed me. It was a fight for survival first and an enormous, indispensable, part of that was reinventing myself. That's when the most liberating, rewarding part of my life happened - when I fully engaged with the pain.

Beir bua!

Kimia

gilmour wrote: »

Never ever become an addict counsellor

Not a hope in hell - I couldn't put up with it! It takes a very special unselfish type of person to be able to counsel alcoholics and unfortunately due to my experience with them I don't have that patience.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Go for the 30 day if that's what you're comfortable with.

Your mum's just really worried about you and thinks the 12-week is the safe option. Understandable really, though not neccesarily logical

I would imagine the idea of 30 days free being not much less frightening for an alcoholic than 12 weeks anyway.

Best of of luck mate

JonathanAnon

Everybody, not just alcoholics, is in life for themselves and are mostly selfish by nature. Like was said above, get into rehab for the 30 days if you are comfortable with that. You can work on rebuilding relationships when you are off the beer.. No reason why you cant continue on or do a similar course if you find that you are in fact comfortable in the course.

LegacyUser

i have been to rehab before for drink.. dont blame you being scared as hell, expect your first night to be strange. nearly everyone gets upset the first night. you will come around after a few days, realising how much help and support there is. DONT worry about family reactions, there is usually a family day, you will be able to talk it out there. congrats on making the decision OP, stick with it, give it a few days to settle in once you get in there. feeling scared is perfectly normal. you'll do just fine. people who havent been through it dont realsise how daunting it is. they say in AA, if you try it and it dosent work, they will give you a 100 percent refund on your misery.

I'm 25 years old and an alcoholic. I'm sober 30 days today! Go me.


Anyway, from my experience and nearly 2 years spent trying miserably to quit it's all about you and what you feel. There's no point going to rehab at all if in the back of your mind you're thinking you might like to drink again. I personally went the AA route but I think for a lot of people a change of scenery is great to get away from all the crap while you try and forge a new life and outlook for yourself.

The big question isn't the 30 days in rehab, it's what you do after. If the rehab place has people like I've met in AA then it's going to be amazing. It's so easy to be yourself around other alcoholics and you'll be surprised how much you will have in common with these people.

Perhaps do the month and then see if you can stay on for the other 8 weeks if you wish? I'm not sure if that's an option but I think you're like me in the sense that I realised how lucky I was to have such loving and caring people looking out for me - I would be on the streets now, hopeless, if they didn't have my back. Alcoholics only get so many chances, most people don't get very many at all and live their short lives full of regrets and pain.

There's a great site - http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/ - that will answer any questions you have - it's full of people from all walks of life who've been through what you have been through and rehab etc.

Good luck OP.

LegacyUser

Just to say thanks for the replies, I'm going in to tomorrow and I'm so scared
Wish me luck

dudara

Best of luck OP - make it work for you!

JimmyCrackCorn

Best of luck. My father just finished a program.
It was the best thing he ever did and is literally a new man.

I wish you the best your doing the right thing.

iguana

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I would imagine the idea of 30 days free being not much less frightening for an alcoholic than 12 weeks anyway.

When you say free do you mean free of alcohol? Because regardless of whether he goes on for 30 days, 12 weeks or an entire year unless he is going in with the intention of being free of alcohol for quite likely the rest of his life, it's just an exercise in pointlessness.

OP, you do what you have to do but your mother has to do the same. If she doesn't want to talk to you unless you do a 12 week programme that is, frankly, her prerogative. If you are truly committed to your recovery you will get over yourself and allow her to do whatever she needs while you do what you need. You don't get to dictate to her how she copes with this any more than she can dictate to you how you will get better.

The only way you can show her that 30 days is enough for you is to do the 30 days and stay sober after your discharge. In time you will build her trust in you back up. But right now I strongly suspect you have put her through absolute hell and the least you can do is allow her to feel how she does until you can really show her otherwise.